Just Laugh

Provision (Coloring Pages of Yesteryear pt2)

2012-01-30T19:20:00.012+13:00

The children and I hung out at a local park while I chatted on the phone with my Dad, who lives on the opposite coast. I joked with him that I was picking out a spot for us to live, and I suddenly felt so badly for people who had found themselves in similar situations but worse. My husband had a job, and we were experiencing a technical difficulty with a house we were trying to buy. I saw the need to count my blessings because there were so many who had things so much worse than we could imagine. I felt refreshed after talking with my Dad and surprised myself by how confident and light hearted I sounded to my own ears. All that singing on the way had certainly lifted my spirits and put things in perspective! I was reminded also of all the friends and church family we had locally that would be more than willing to help us. Things were not as bad as they felt, but still, it was a seriously humbling situation.

Help was offered to us, but it involved "camping-out" in the house illegally (in my opinion) until technicalities worked out (don't ya love Fannie Mae foreclosures?), since we were already paying for the insurance. This option was offered to us by two different "people in the know", and it sure was tempting, given our circumstances. I was reminded of how the Lord doesn't ever ask us to compromise or twist things to justify our actions. The fact is, He had every bit of power to make sure we had keys in our hand, we had prayed and prayed that we would get keys on time so we didn't end up in this very situation,yet He didn't allow that to happen. Tempting as it was, it just wasn't right, there was a reason He did not let us get the keys.

A little more than a few hours later, Brian was able to get off work and he gave us the wonderful and almost unbelievable news that we had actually earned two free nights at the Holiday Inn Express from our frequent stays at those hotels during our cross country move! I was praising the Lord and regretting my doubts, but He wasn't done!

When the six of us dragged our exhausted (from relief) bodies to checked in, there was limited space and the room they asked us to check into smelled like the football locker room I once had the privilege (???) to decorate as a cheerleader...that's enough to make one want to quit the squad right there...WHEW!! The manager had told us there was another room available at check in if we found this one not able to fit our needs, so Brian didn't feel to bad about inquiring about a possibly *less stinky* room.

When we walked in to what we were later told was the manager's quarters, my eyes just filled with tears! It was bigger than the little place we had been renting that summer! It was just gorgeous and so beyond what I would have imagined. I knew immediately why we didn't get the keys, and why "camping out" illegally was not in God's plan. He had something so much better planned than sleeping on the floor in an empty house. We had an amazing weekend with the children swimming in the pool by day and a comfy bed to sleep in at night. Our realtor put us up for a third free night and since every other room was booked, we got to spend yet another free night in that beautiful room to include a beautiful floral arrangement from our realtor who was so apologetic about the whole thing, though it was not her fault. What an amazing God we serve!

Our trials are only for a season, even if that season means the remainder of our lives here, it is but for a season and His grace is sufficient and the trial is always an opportunity to trust Him more. He WANTS good things for us, and we must believe that with all our hearts.

"May be able to comprehend with all saints what [is] the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him [be] glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."Eph 3:18-21

Coloring Pages of Yesteryear

2012-01-27T19:13:00.010+13:00

"And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them." Acts 16:25

I had heard the account of Paul and Silas many a time in Sunday-School, as a young child. In my childish mind, I equated the desire to sing with their conditions probably not being all that bad. I might have hummed merrily along with the teacher as I colored the lesson page, being careful to stay in the lines, and making the robes they wore colorful and bright. I probably even added a happy little mouse or two, just like the story in my mind.

As I grew in years, I read the Bible on my own, maturity caused me to think on the miserable conditions they must have been in, and I then knew that being laid with stripes meant beatings. I don't even want to venture a guess at what my childish mind thought being “laid with stripes” meant. Though maturing, physically and spiritually, I still didn't think too much on the significance of Paul and Silas’ choice to sing praises to God so loudly that the prisoners heard. It was a choice to respond to their conditions with prayer and song, one that impacted those around them.

This past summer, an unforeseen and unavoidable circumstance placed us in a situation to make a choice about how we would respond to our trial, considering our precious “cloud of witnesses”, our children:

After a long summer of making a military move and thereby traveling with our four children from Virginia to California, my husband and I had finally been told we would receive keys to the house we were in the process of purchasing. We merrily moved out of the tiny one bedroom, office, and one bathroom cute little furnished Casita that the six of us had squeezed into for the summer. I scrubbed and cleaned and excitedly packed our van and SUV to near overflow. As we handed the landlord our keys, Brian received a surprising call. I breathlessly waited until he hung up, and he then told me that there were some issues that still were not worked out at escrow. It was Friday and we would not be getting keys, and no one could seem to give a straight answer as to when or if we would move into this house that we had so bathed in prayer. Looking back, we are still quite confused, but not as to God’s plan. We had invested quite a bit into this house, and having our money tied up left us in an extremely tight financial position.

After a tearful goodbye, Brian had to leave for work. The kids and I sat in the "packed to ridiculousness" van, literally homeless. Money was too tight to stay in a hotel, and as they came, I quickly hid hot tears behind my sunglasses. I pulled out of the driveway pleading silently with the Lord to show us what to do. The kids were silent and my heart hurt as I saw their worried looks in the rear-view mirror. I wouldn't say that peace instantaneously filled my heart, at this time. No, truth be told, I really felt like pounding my head on the steering wheel just for distraction, but I was able to have a moment of clarity to see the importance of how I would choose to respond, for the children's sake, at least. I could testify to God's supreme ability to meet our needs or I could fail them by giving into the real tantrum I wanted to throw because things didn't go according to my carefully laid plan.

The old story of Paul and Silas came to my mind. I thought of how they sat in their bonds waiting on the Lord to see them through. They made a purposed choice to pray and sing praises to the Lord, and the Bible makes a point to say that their praises reached the prisoners ears. The children couldn't see my tears of fear and disappointment, but they could hear me as I prayed out loud for the Lord's help and they joined me in song as we drove to a park where we would spend our day: "He's able, He's able, I know He's able, I know my Lord is able to carry me through!". Though my tears still flowed, a new confidence in the words took hold of my heart as we sang. I also found that I couldn't worry and sing at the same time, praise God!

Carry us through He did, in a marvelous way, but that's another story, for another time! We can’t choose our trials, but we can choose how we will respond to them. Blessings, my friends!

Old Souls

2012-01-27T07:05:00.008+13:00

I know many an old soul

equipped to bear a load

they're filled with wisdom

long before they're age old

their young sparkling eyes-

not a worry yet engraved

bear some quiet truths untold

for fear of old ones cold

some shut their ears

and scorn them away

e'en young David's youth

a reproach to his anointed place

God will use the young

He will use the small

the unexpected

scorned broken used-

we should wipe the envy from our eyes

unstop our pride blocked ears

and consider for the sake of truth

the wisdom of the young old soul

WANTED: Weed -Eater

2012-01-25T08:00:00.000+13:00

I found this draft from 2 years ago in my posts...amazing how it is still convicting even today!

Okay, after some big 'ole bumps and heart searching, here are just some of the weeds as a result of failure in one major commandment

1. Worry
2. Bite off more than I can chew
3. Love fiercely but not always so unconditionally
4. Perfectionist in denial
5. Give until I'm empty and then point the finger when I "burn out"
6. Lack of contentment
7. Allow the expectations of others to rule and overwhelm me
8. Desperately want to be a good friend, but due to #s 2,3,4,5,6 and 7 I end up withdrawing altogether for a season until I recover from my failures....the list goes WAY on too ;)

I, in my own desire to circumvent SIMPLE TRUTH, end up complicating it all, the answer is really a lack of faithfulness to that MOST important commandment of all which is Duet.6:5, "And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might." Not that this is suddenly the magic key that unlocks the answer to all of life's questions, nor does it save me from all heartache and pain, but it IS the key to having the peace, strength and discernment needed when faced with the trials especially those in which I have no answer or understanding as to why. It is *the* filter through which every single other decision, relationship, task, truth should be pushed through. It is not a something to be laid out and forgotten...it must continually used. So often, my beautiful garden of fellowship with my Lord has been laid aside while I was "busy" about the what I thought was the Lord's work...Math 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

We have a God who equips and sustains us to His honor and glory...not to our own or anyone elses. Oh Lord SAVE me from my own expectations and undertakings that are apart from Yours.

The only thing to do from here is to allow the fields of sin, (in my case, whether it be pursuing knowledge for knowledge sake or ministering to others before my own family or seeking man's approval over Gods') to die out as I labor in that FIRST field, busy about the FIRST things.

Basking in His Grace

2012-01-21T11:36:00.003+13:00

Streams of sunshine poured into my eyes today, forcing me to close them, and I smiled as my face bathed in its warmth. Even with my eyes shut tight for protection from the pure brilliance, there was no darkness to be found, only light. I didn't feel the need to think on the cold gloomy days of last week in order to enjoy basking in the glory of today, nor did I run to find some seemingly suited gloomy corner in order to observe the beauty from afar...fearful of taking more than my fair share. No, I joyfully soaked it up, breathed it in, and allowed myself to be surrounded and filled with the pleasure of its abundance. That, my friends, is how we should humbly and joyfully bask in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus' perfect gift of salvation and grace.

A Whole New Year!

2011-01-05T07:31:00.002+13:00

It's 2011, that's a whole new year ahead of me, but what I really want to concentrate on is the fact that it's not just a new year, or a new season, month, week, day...but I have RIGHT NOW. I can take "right now", any time I want and start afresh. The key to successful living, for me, is understanding that, by God's grace, I can immediately move on from failures that happened just moments ago or a day ago etc. Yes, there are consequences from neglect and/or failure, but our heavenly Father doesn't just throw us to the scrap yard because we are too flawed. He gives us grace to bear consequences and wisdom to live triumphantly. We don't have to scrap a whole day because we overslept or woke up in a crummy mood, didn't read our Bibles first thing... The moment we realize we are living in failure, we can stop and pray; then, with the Lord's help, we can determine the best way to MOVE FORWARD successfully, from our setback or failure. I'm looking forward to TODAY!
Phl 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:"

We Sorrow Not As Others...

2010-12-29T04:39:00.017+13:00

Brian's Dad was able to spend Christmas with us this year, and I am so glad he did. I tried to redirect my thoughts every time my eyes and mind wandered to the empty space on the couch next to him. Brian, his dad, and I quietly wrapped gifts Christmas Eve, and my throat kept going dry as I watched him lovingly wrap the gifts he picked out for the children...I eventually thought I would choke if I had to watch anymore. I asked Brian to put the radio on to help us along...the cheerier the music in the background, the more it was obvious that someone was missing. Then there were the meals..each meal I prepared, there was the empty spot where she would have been bustling along next to me to get food prepared, how my heart ached. I had successfully put off dealing with much of the grief since she passed away early this summer, because, well, things have been hard, and very busy with Brian's schedule and homeschool. Then came Christmas break, and there was no escaping. Each night after the day's events came to a close, there was no getting away from my thoughts, my memories...reality.

I thought back to the day I got the call, Tuesday, June 1st. We had just moved into base housing and I was trying to finish up the school year- (the girls were attending our church's school since Brian had been deployed) and unpack the house with Brian gone on trips for training and work. Brian's parents had flown out and spent time with us in April and we moved soon after that since the owners of the house we were renting would be returning early. The move was only a couple of miles away, but a move is, well, a move.

Now, I am not one to believe that the Lord uses signs and wonders,like He did during Biblical times-not that He can't or won't, we are just in a different time. So, without getting too off track or putting too much emphasis, as it is probably coincidence, I will say this, the Lord will use what He will and in this case,certain circumstances prompted us to pray more than we would have without being prompted. We were petitioning the Lord for help that we didn't even know we would need, isn't God GOOD? I don't pretend to understand, I just do it.

So, here it is, call me crazy, but when we moved, it was onto the street, New Orleans Way. I immediately didn't like it and huffed around about why we had to live on a street name after a place I have no plans on visiting because of all the awful things it brings to mind. I told Brian as such and he proceeded to tell me how odd it was that he would be taking a trip to New Orleans, for work...though he had never had to before. I was sick and rebuked myself sharply for the knee-jerk superstitious thought: "it's a sign". I did tell Brian that I really felt to pray about this trip like never before, except for his deployment, and I shared that I was worried for him. I thought perhaps my worry stemmed from knowing he would be surrounded by filth which could cause a stumble in thoughts or be a temptation to the eyes. So, I pushed and asked if the trip was absolutely necessary, because I didn't feel peace about him going. There was no way out of it, so we just prayed over the trip. I was still uneasy and fervently praying, even as he left, that the Lord would protect him.

We sent my beloved off to New Orleans, and couple days later, he called...unable to get the words out that his mother had passed away. I was shocked to disbelief and immediately crumpled to the floor wishing I could be with Brian in his sorrow. I told the children that their Grandmom, whom they had just seen a couple months before, went to heaven, and there we sat, amidst boxes and chaos from the move, crying and praying that the Lord would help Daddy and Pop-pop and us..to bear the loss. The much needed prayers we had been lifting up, I believe, were prompted and blessed because of how everything worked together so we could get through a very trying time. I'll just briefly mention how the LORD helped me though the anemia I was dealing with at the time, there is no explanation but the Lord's provision. I was so very weak and He showed Himself very strong in my need. Psa 63:1 "O God, thou [art] my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is;"

The call came Tuesday; the children and I attended Wednesday night Bible study the following evening. The love and support from our church family was overwhelming. God is so good to put people in place so that we don't have to bear our grief alone. The offers to help were so loving and I felt lifted and strengthened, though my heart was aching to be with my husband. We weren't sure how things would work out to get him home and to his parent's house to be with his dad. The Lord had plans.

Brian was originally going to fly out alone from New Orleans to meet his Dad,but when my parents offered to keep the kids for us, and front money for plane tickets, Brian said he really wanted me to be with him. There were to be no services held at all for her memorial, but Brian insisted on seeing her and saying goodbye. She had put in her will that she wanted to be cremated and that was that. I remembered when she had called to discuss her will with me...Brian was deployed to Iraq at the time, and though I told her that I did not like it or agree or want to think about her dying...I would respect her wishes. Looking back I wish I had convinced her otherwise, but the burden at the time of Brian's deployment loomed in my thoughts and the last thing I wanted to talk about was death. Funerals and memorials are for the living..and I now know how necessary it is to have that as part of the grieving process. I had no idea we would be facing the loss of her only a year or so after we had that conversation...she was only in her 50s.

Plane tickets were secured with the help of my sister and my dad, I had to focus on how to be a support to Brian and comfort the children. I was still dealing with the house not being unpacked, so I pleaded for strength and help from the Lord and tried to put all else aside to focus myself with packing our things for the immediate trip so that when Brian was able to fly back to Virginia, we would be ready to make the 10 hour drive to Ohio and fly out to Arizona the same day. I had never left my children with anyone before,for a weekend...but I knew I needed to be there for my husband...it was going to be hard, and I had my fear of flying to face (and distract), but God is bigger than all this. He was there and supplied our every need, every step of the way. I look back amazed at His provision.

We arrived in Ohio, got the kids settled in about a half hour and then my dad drove us to the Columbus airport. Brian and I were truly as one person through it all, the Lord knitting our hearts in support of one another. We flew, enjoying a rest after the long drive and prepared to meet Brian's Grandmother and Dad who would meet us in Las Vegas. I know we were exhausted, but we were so raw with emotion, we didn't notice...even when there was still a 3 hour drive to Lake Havasu ahead of us upon arrival. We embraced Brian's dad, rather than trying to put anything into words. Words, there are no words for such times as this.

I couldn't talk for almost the whole trip to the house...I didn't know what to say and neither did anyone else, it seemed. Brian and I silently held hands in the back seat and looked at the starry desert night...it was so big and a comfort to remind me again of God's greatness and my smallness. We stopped to get a bite to eat and my tears finally decided to course down my face as I ate...but I was numb.
The more I wiped, the more they flooded out.

We had been traveling for almost 19 hours straight by car and plane, when we pulled up to the house where we had shared many fond memories. Oh, how my heart ached for my children just then, since they had always been with us when we would visit. It had been 4 years since we had been to their house due to our being stationed overseas for 3 years and then Brian's deployment when we had gotten back. Did I mention how difficult military life is...esp the part about always having to say goodbye?

We entered the house and their little Westie dog, Daisy, quickly rushed up to greet us. I sucked in my breath to control tears as I looked around the house...not wanting to see. I saw her jacket and purse were still on the counter, as if she had just stepped out of the room for a minute. Pictures everywhere seemed to jump out at me, her face with the children and us...it was more than I could bear. I could almost hear the giggles and splashing out back where the pool was..more memories of wonderful times. I finally allowed myself to look over at the recliner where just days earlier her husband had found her...already with Jesus. A single red rose rested on her chair. Hurrying on to the guest bedroom I couldn't contain my sorrow. The room was still all decorated, just as it had always been for the girls...she had been so excited to show us. The children's toys, still in the closet, stared emptily back at me and also seemed to sorrow. Even now, I can barely think about it without tears and the sick feeling of loss.

Weary, Brian and I laid in the bed that night and just cried...there were many things unsaid but understood. Our hearts ached over the questions and "what-ifs" that just could not be voiced...closets of pain that could now never be opened. At least we had each-other and the Lord holding us both through the night so that we slept peacefully...tears stopped still on our cheeks til morning.

We woke to the news that Brian's Grandmother had gotten the wrong bag at the airport
and we would have to make a 6 hour roundtrip voyage to remedy the situation. None of us complained...the drive seemed to provide comfort to us..and we were together. There was some discussion as to whether we would *see* her or not, since there was not to be any service or memorial and no viewing service arranged. It was decided that they would arrange Brian's mom in a small room where we could see her one last time. The sooner the better, were my thoughts...face the grief head on. I can't remember if we saw her upon returning from the airport or the next day, but we all braced and readied ourselves. I brought along an old hymnal...because singing is comforting when your heart can't find the words. Brian asked if I would sing "In The Sweet By and By". We arrived at the funeral home and the kind attendant led us to a room that barely fit us all...and there she lay. She was on a gurney covered in a quilt, but I could still see a hospital gown peeking out at the top...she was not "made up" like you typically see them during a funeral, but very much looked asleep...the lamps helped disguise the blue tinge to her face, but it was traumatizing to see her that way. I started to block it all as reality when Brian suddenly fell upon her chest sobbing and crying "why"...to her, not the Lord. There we all were, faced with the very raw "real-ness" of life and my whole being shook inside trying to hold on as I saw my husband crumbling before me...his Grandmother lovingly stroking her daughters hair and talking of her love for her... Brian eventually turned to me and asked if I could sing the song we decided on...I wondered how I could utter anything, but suddenly a great peace and strength lifted my voice and carried it out of my mouth "There's a land that is fairer than day...and by faith we can see it afar, for the Father waits over the way, to prepare us a dwelling place there..". And the ugliness of this world faded away as we turned our thoughts to where she was now residing, she was no longer in sorrow...and we no longer sorrowed as the world, but were in prayer lifted to thoughts of the truth. The truth that she had asked the Lord Jesus to save her and though we would be facing the sorrow of loss...it was only temporary. I don't know how long we lingered at the side of the one who I had known since I was 16...who had taken pictures of Brian and I together before prom, who sat and cheered with me for Brian during his highschool wrestling matches. She was there to watch us say our vows in marriage and then had been present in the delivery room for each child's birth (except Ayden's because he arrived early while in Japan). I allowed my thoughts to animate her face into her beautiful smile and recalled how she had looked into the face of each of my children and called them by the nicknames she made up for each of them. I remembered the joy when the children would climb onto her lap and she'd smother them with kisses. I thought of the late night card games we'd play, how she'd help the kids splash me in the pool...our trips together...I let it all play out in that room. We had a celebration of memories...and then we all kissed her goodbye.

I left there changed. Proper perspective about what matters and what doesn't, had been reinstated. I left determined to LOVE more and to LIVE actively in each moment. I knew it all had to count, these moments, this life, and it all had to be for His Glory if it was to be anything at all. There is no emptiness like the the one you feel when you know you could have done more...and the opportunity is gone. There is no going back. I hold on longer, listen more, talk less...lift up that which matters most and tear down facades that lead to ruin.

I didn't think I would be able to write this and share it with you, but now that I have, it is like I have had a burden lifted. God is bigger than any hurt, sorrow, pain, loss that this world has and He can comfort when no one else can understand. We spent the next couple of days going through and sorting her things...tears flowed throughout as we huddled over the "mother's" journal I had given her..to pass down to the children. Her thoughts and memories preserved...so my children can know her. The burden and grief of it all would have been too much if it hadn't been for the truth that this life is but a vapor and that we are just passing through. Heaven is our home when we know Christ. We bagged up her clothing...and there it sat, and I thought of how this life is so fleeting. I thought of all the petty things we worry over, and how the end of all those things is nothing...leaves no mark. I thought of how no one can prepare you for all that is contained in what we refer to as -grief, it is something you must rely on the Lord to get you through. And He more than just gets you through it, He abounds in His pouring out of grace, and peace comes just when you think it never will. So much more...but no words to say it.

Brian left for the airport with his dad a few hours ago...and there is a temporary emptiness that we feel, because we know we will see him again. We spent this Christmas, remembering Christ and making new memories, loving one another, laughing, reflecting...thinking ahead to when we will all be reunited with our Lord. There are always bright roads ahead when you know the Lord, because there is always hope. So, we sorrow not, as others...

1 Thess 4:13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

They Will Know Us By Our Love Towards One Another

2010-12-24T08:07:00.003+13:00

Sharon doesn't approve of Janie because Janie wears pants, Janie doesn't approve of Sharon because Sharon drinks coffee, Angela doesn't approve of Sharon or Janie because they eat pork. Sharon doesn't approve of Angela or Janie because they celebrate Christmas...and the issues go on and on. They are so concerned and busy comparing themselves and debating issues that their children got lost somewhere in doubtful issues and threw out the whole gospel as disputable. We should keep doubtful issues to ourselves and focus on furthering the Gospel. I was once one who disapproved of some of the above issues..until I saw a trend in those that became distracted with doubtful things. Their lives fell apart and children fell away...confused as to what TRUTH really is. God is not the author of confusion. Now, I read God's Word and depend on Him to make my paths straight instead of worrying what my friends do or don't do. Always lift up and point to Christ in your heart and life. Christ was in all likelihood not born on December 25th, but hearts are tender and often ready to hear the Gospel this time of year. We should not sorrow or celebrate as the world does, but in all things be set apart. This will apply differently to each of us, let us do that which lifts up Christ and draws others to Him.

Rekindle

2010-12-21T04:02:00.006+13:00

It's usually this time of year that I start to think of my relationships, the events of the past year and how once again, I let myself get too busy to enjoy my family and friends as much as I had intended. I think about the pictures I didn't take, the bedtime kisses I forgot and that sick knot forms in my belly...do you know about that "knot"? It's that knot of longing for bygones. We can never get this time back, the moment to hug and comfort that friend, the bonding with a tween girl, the phone call to a sick church member, a visit to the dying...the bed time chats, prayers, kisses.. I want to rekindle the desire to live in the moment. I want to breath it ALL in by looking into the eyes of my children when they talk to me instead of frantically loading dishes as if they would eat me up if I didn't. To neglect friends is a heartache, but to neglect time with my fast growing children is heartbreaking. Snuggles, hugs, kisses, active listening...it has to take priority EVERY day until they leave our home...I don't ever want this lap of mine to grow cold.

Typhoons n Sledding in Japan

2010-12-17T02:22:00.001+13:00

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing

Okinawa...Anjolie's 4th B-day :)

2010-12-17T02:04:00.001+13:00

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing

How Does This Happen?? :)

2010-12-15T11:34:00.003+13:00

by God's Grace...
... Friday, babysat 2 babies from 7am-4pm and homeschooled 4 children

...Saturday, Cantata practice 9am followed by teen activity which involved decorating the outside of a house for Christmas..and getting home by dinner

...Sunday worship, Cantata followed by teen Christmas party

...Monday's usual school schedule til 3:30 and a birthday party at 4 that goes til bedtime

....Tuesday, today...woke up at 6:30am to make cookie dough, icing and two loaves of amish bread to take to a friend's house to share in the joy of cut-out cookies with our children, we had yummy potato soup and my bread for lunch...while intermittently fitting in a meeting about our upcoming CoOp's spring season. Then I finally mailed off my homeschool paper-work to Abeka Acadamy, returned overdue books to the Library and picked up some new ones. Thoroughly enjoyed a quick chat on the phone with my best friend and I am now staring at the stove where dinner should be cooking and wondering when, if ever, we will pull out our Christmas decorations and get a tree...*sigh* which is not gonna happen tonight because I have to go grocery shopping, yes tonight, since it's pay-day

...Wednesday...homeschool and a visit to some shut-ins with another family, soooo -no Good News Club due to the Public School having a half-day, then I'm off to church for my Pee Wee's Christmas Party

...Thursday, Homeschool CoOp and Christmas party

...Friday, babysit 2 babies and homeschool

...Saturday....KEEPING IT CLEAR!!! Hoping my husband doesn't have to work! :)

What does your schedule look like? Is this about normal for this time of year?

Reminding Myself: "Seek Ye First The Kingdom of God..."

2010-12-10T02:34:00.010+13:00

Living the military life, especially the Marine life means that there is a constant struggle to keep things in balance... God, Husband, Children, Others, Church activities... Yes, extra church activities outside of our day set aside for His worship, need to be kept in their place. We are called to relationships that stem from our relationship with Christ, we are not called to merely going through the motions of religion. People are not going to always understand the decisions we are led to make, and that's okay- they aren't going to be the ones who have to answer to God about the ministries and talents He's given to us!

My husband has a most unpredictable schedule which means sometimes we need to put our neglected family time, due to the needs of the Marine Corps, ahead of extra things going on at church. I've had to disappoint people with saying "no" to taking on this or that extra ministry, because they don't know my schedule or list of other ministries I have already committed to, that's why they *ask* and it is my responsibility to consider and respond appropriately. Why agree to take something on that the Lord has not led me to take only to later be embittered about it and not have that ministry blessed? It's not worth it to operate outside of God's will for your life. Titus 2:4,5 "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

Now, I don't agree with skipping the 3 times we need to be in church during the week, 2 on Sunday and 1 on Wednesday, or skipping that week of revival the whole family needs, that's not what I'm saying. But, when our small children are spending more time with someone else in the church nursery, than in our arms and in our care..so that we can teach them diligently to love the Lord with all their hearts...our priorities are out of order. Our relationships come first, and we are accountable to God for our first ministries: our husbands and then our children. It grieves my heart when I see well-meaning wives attending every extra-curricular activity at church, staying late to chat with friends and leaving their husbands at home to sit. I have been guilty of this, and I know it is not pleasing to the Lord. After my family, I am often led to minister personally to others in the way of babysitting, providing meals, letters of encouragement.... all that I have learned through the godly example of other dear ladies who love the Lord and His ways. Having people in my home to see my every flaw is very intimidating to me, but the Lord calls us to be hospitable and I am ever working (struggling) to work on my relationships with others in this area.

The quickest way to lose peace and joy in the home is to jumble the Lord's intended priorities in our lives. Well meaning Christians can often pressure and lead others to rearrange their priorities- I sure hope I am never found to be a stumbling block in that area! I am ever in need of being reminded to seek His righteousness first and everything else will fall in line- whether others approve or not. If I am seeking to please others ahead of God I need to ask forgiveness and put things back in balance, with His help, today. I want the LORD's blessing upon my life even if it means forsaking man's approval.

A Little, Every Day...or Two or Three...

2010-12-08T01:57:00.004+13:00

(The passing of my dear Mother in Love, who faithfully read my blog to keep up with the kids and what was going on makes this a difficult place to come...knowing that she will no longer be reading. She is so greatly missed.)

I've decided to try and write a little every day, nothing profound or gut squeezing, just raw.....something.

I feel like I have kept this whole past year in a bottle. The cork is ready to fly off...correction *has* flown off- the pressure beneath it is so great. My thoughts go back and forth between thinking, "I'm just weak" to "WOW, if it were not for the Lord carrying me..." to, "Why did I drag my feet while He carried, and why did I let go and will my way through?". Yes, you can indeed will your way through trials and tribulations. It isn't pretty. There is an inner trembling that keeps your hands and jaw clenched when one doesn't take the time to purposefully give every care and anxiety over to the Lord. Some things are too big to be put on a shelf in hopes we can sort it out later. Those things eventually come crashing down onto our heads, doubling and tripling what might have been a simple trial...skewing the simple into a mutated mess. I shoved the biggest cares and worries and hurts into a bottle and stuck a cork in it...for safe keeping until I "had time". That cork has flown off that overstuffed bottle of cares too many times to count and blasted on those I love and care about. It's time to sit down and take the time to unfold the crumpled hurts, losses, worries...failures I have stuffed away and give them one by one to the ONE who can take care of it all.

If Only My Heart Could Write

2010-07-02T03:06:00.004+13:00

There's much to be said. If only I could open the door to all my soul has been witness to...to let you into my mind's eye...all of it. If I could let you see the good and the bad, how the Lord used it all and how He was so close like a shadow on my hand, how he bound my aching heart, planted my every unsure step, righted my every wandering thought, forgave the wrongs and made the bitter waters sweet, turned my fears into strength...oh, if I could somehow pour it right out onto this page so you could see that the LORD He is my everything. He is my strength, my unchanging unmoving ROCK. When everything around me was shaking and no-one else could understand, it was only then that I would really lean on only Him. It is His peace that wraps my countenance even when my heart melts with sorrow and regret, if only I had the words to lift up His worth. Yes, there's much to be said about my Lord who has sustained and continues to sustain me. He draws me ever close. I don't have the words at the moment, not sure I ever will, but I may make an attempt here soon to tell of His latest generous pouring out of grace and mercy to my ever thirsty soul.

Keeping Out The Damp

2010-04-19T18:09:00.002+13:00

*I found this in my saved drafts from back in January-I had partially copied it from my prayer journal so, I finished transferring and thought I'd post it* :)

The charred remains of yesterday's fire sat lifeless and gray in the fireplace while I looked at them over the rim of my coffee cup. The large round log that had proved damp was still there in the iron grate. I thought of the night before and the blaze that had lit the room when the pile of quartered logs burned and cheerily and performed their crackling, popping and glowing puppetry. The children imagined they saw lions and dragons amidst the pile that served well as a stage for our family's entertainment. Earlier, we had watched, as Brian got the fire going. The kindling and log quarters hungrily leaped and licked at a large log he had placed in the fireplace -uncut. We thought it may have gotten a sprinkling outside and had hoped that it would dry out eventually, catch fire, and give off it's heat on that cold January night. Alas, there it still was the next morning, the whole of it -all black and charred on the outside from the tireless attempts to rouse it into a blaze.

The initial appearance of the log was deceiving. It hadn't looked wet when we brought it in and it didn't feel wet, but as the heat intensified we heard the tell-tale squeals and screams of the water escaping in a vapor. We tried to encourage it by blowing at the base of the fire. Some of the outer bark would glow when we blew on the small blood orange embers dotted with flickering blue tongues of flame, and from a distance the log appeared to be all wrapped in ribbons of flame and blazing heartily with the rest of the timber. However, upon closer look and after expending the surrounding fuel's efforts to ignite it, it was obvious that the log was too water laden burn. It didn't matter how hot or brightly the quarters burned around it, or that we added more dry wood to make the fire burn hotter-it was too big and too damp to to do anything but sap the energy out of everything around it. It just sat alone in the end-ugly and disappointing.

I'm sure we all have someone, (I'm thinking of myself in times past) if not ourselves at some point, who comes to mind who have taken on a "dampness" due to offense or lack of love, sin.... They show up to church and give the appearance that they are on fire by blending in or appearing "large", but eventually, the tell tale "shrieks" of offense are heard like the water escaping in a vapor from the log. Bitterness doesn't go quietly when pressure is applied-neither does pride. The offended or embittered saint who appeared to hold so much promise ends up sitting idly by- perhaps smoldering on the outside, but they have no life or fire on the inside. Instead of bursting into radiant warmth they suck the life out of anyone who gets near them. Criticism and complaint- puffed up prideful vapor is emitted instead of love and exhortation. Rather than promoting others to good success, they let the "damp" in their lives waste the energies of those around them. With subtle words they hurt the testimony of those closest to them and plant slander and seeds of doubt about fellow Believers, or our husbands... our own family. The actions and words of those around the offended suddenly appear warped and take on accusing and judging tones and they are deceived into thinking it's everyone else's problem, not theirs. Wondering how I know this so well? Uh, yeah...guilty of it in my own life so it becomes easy to see in others as well. Eventually, everyone else falls away- being accused a hypocrite. Finally, the Lord lets them sit, alone...(that's the hard part)in the ashes to see for themselves what the issue is. The result isn't pretty, but it isn't hopeless either. God is the Author of restoration. He loves and draws us, His children, to Himself over and over-chastising when necessary. He never gives up.

As I sat with my warm coffee staring at the ashes, I wondered how much I had in common with that large wasted log that remained. Many things came to mind. I have, as I mentioned before, been the big damp log left alone with the ugly truth...just me and the damp sin of my life. Whether it be attitudes or offenses, lack of being in the Word->it *all* wastes and hinders our service to the King. I thought carefully and a little fearfully: Have I allowed anything to dampen my testimony or my service to Him? Do I skew the world around me to position myself as the perpetual victim? I know that deceivers will be deceived themselves-am I deceiving myself and others? Am I giving myself to be used as fuel only to have the sin in my life or the cares of this world sap the energy of those around me? Am I so busy pointing my finger at those "burning" brightly in service that I don't see that it is MY attitude, MY spirit of contention that is hindering the Lord's ability to use me? How long will I sit in an offense taking on the "damp" of it...allowing it to spoil my thoughts and actions and waste the actions of those who try to help.

When the heat comes, that purifying fire of trial, the resentment and bitterness will all come shrieking out giving away its ugly presence for all to see. Yet, the only way to be emptied of ourself and to be filled with His will is to remain in the trials that will come to either ignite us into a brilliant fire that yields forth all that is true *or* shamefully send us running for cover. As painful as it is-that beautiful, life-giving and purifying fire...yes, it is painful,- we should welcome its revealing and cleansing presence. The Holy Spirit will not let us continue in our sin, no matter how small we may think it is. I *want* to emptied of that fire resisting damp that renders me useless to Him. Empty me of anything, Lord that won't burn brightly in service of You. I don't want to be that big ugly wasted charred log sitting unused in the ashes come day-break.

Through The Wardrobe

2010-02-24T08:09:00.007+13:00

Remember that part in Chronicles of Narnia when Lucy suddenly found herself in another world by simply walking through the Wardrobe belonging to her Uncle? That's sort of how I felt yesterday when I walked through the sliding doors of Oncology-except time slowed. And, just to be clear, I don't have any sign of cancer, it just so happens that I was referred to Oncology for Hematology. My little worries were left behind and I got a teensy little reminder of how blessed I am.

My morning, as usual, included getting myself showered and ready to include my "face" and the actual ironing of my clothes, dragging four kiddies out of bed, getting two ready for school ie "doing" hair, brushing teeth, feeding bellies, sending fish oil down the little hatches which was followed by subtle (probably faked) gags, and signing off homework assignments that I should have done the night before, but such is life. Normally I would just stick the littlest two sleepy heads in their car seat "as is" but I needed to get them ready and lectured for their stay at my friend's house. (Little bunny trail..hold on) I wonder if Drs realize what we as Mom's go through to get to their offices...especially the ones who seem to think I quite *enjoy*it! Like I don't quite have enough going on in my life, why not throw in the random Dr visit just for good measure, ya know?
;) So, paperwork, and children with baggage in tow, I headed out- a little nervous by the labs results I was to deliver to the Dr I was referred to.

Kiddie stop number one was made at the school after a quick detour for some caffeine to clear my head. After two little kisses goodbye I was off to my friend's house with short instructions to my friend..."DON'T let Ayden destroy your house" ;) lol okay I didn't really say that...she knows already. Then I scramble with the GPS that doesn't want to tell me where to go because...it's cheap, so I wing it and make it to my appt in plenty of time. And *that* takes me up to the "Wardrobe Effect". I don't know what that means ..it just sounded interesting ;)

Now, I've lost loved ones. I've been to the hospital and seen the sick and dying- and time always seems to stop for me when I am there. Life suddenly reveals itself to be just as fragile as it is. This experience was not unlike that except I didn't know these people and I could see a little clearer without having the fear for a loved one or friend involved. So, I walk through the doors , got checked in and instantly "felt" everyone looking and probably wondering, like I did about them, "I wonder what's wrong with her?", "Is she going to get good news or bad news?"...time seemed to slowwww down even as I found my seat.

I was being referred to the clinic for a previously diagnosed auto-immune disorder called Anti-phospholipid Antibody Syndrome (which may or may not currently be active) and Anemia, but most of the people there were waiting for a 4 hour long chemo treatment. I picked up a magazine for some distraction and happened to pick up one that was covering a young lady's addiction to plastic surgery. I read for a little bit and then looked up to see a man enter the clinic who was so white he almost looked transparent. The man's cap covered his bald head, he wore grey sweats and looked to be in his 50s. I didn't see a wedding ring as he carefully placed his fragile self in the chair across from mine and I suddenly felt lonely for him. I glanced down at the young beautiful face in the magazine marked up for all the "nipping and tucking" she wanted done on her already "perfect" face and became sick to my stomach. Oh, the vanity of life. I was guilty- I hate my nose...does it really stinkin' matter???? I was disgusted with both the girl in the glossy print and myself. I put the magazine down, not having the stomach for it after seeing these people, they are living a reality far different from mine. They don't care what they look like physically, they just want to LIVE, to be HEALTHY, and have a day that's not consumed with thoughts of how to stay alive.

A nurse came out after what seemed an eternity and asked the man across from me how he was doing. The man smiled genuinely and said he was doing great *tears*, he was doing great. The nurse smiled back, that knowing smile that I'm sure she couldn't help, but it made me cringe.

I then looked across the room at a lady who hadit her bag packed with things to pass the time for the lengthy treatment. Her rumpled looking husband balanced a laptop, paperwork, and a phone while his wife busily worked to get some information from the nurses at the desk. I can't even imagine what all goes into getting health-care coverage and referrals etc for cancer patients. I watched as the husband quickly moved his phone call outside...his hair was ruffled from running his hand through it as he talked. My throat clenched. I looked at each one of the handful of people spread around the room and just prayed for them- partly for the selfish reason that it made me feel like I was somehow doing something. Time seemed to drag on though it was only a few minutes since I had entered this seemingly other world.

Finally, the patients to receive chemo, those precious people who could educate me very quickly about my priorities and worries in life, were shuffled out with their pillows and bags of magazines for their morning of treatment- my prayers follow them though I will most likely never see them again.

They were gone and I was left waiting and staring at blood-work that no longer worried me. I silently thanked the Lord for my health and the health of my husband and children and His grace and mercy that is ever-new and flowing for us all. He meets us where we are. My appt went well and while more tests still need to be run, my problems are far from life threatening. I need to make the most of what I have right now and not waste a single day worrying about things I have no control over. My problems are so small, and I'm so thankful that I left eye opening "Narnia" with a refreshed perspective.

That Place (a smattering of thoughts)

2010-02-08T08:20:00.003+13:00

It's where I search, wait, pray and wonder. Is it me? It has to be me, mostly...or in part, at least. How did I get here? How did I get out of here last time? Is it bitterness? Is it disobedience? Both, I'm afraid...sometimes. But this time? It *has* to be a bad place...right? He wouldn't want me here...or would He? Is this my island or my wilderness where I will "see" what He wants me to do? My Patmos? Or, are the depths really swallowing me up for my hardness of heart or, is it too much emotion?...both? Why do things look so blurry? I WANT to see!..or do I? Flat, I feel flat and gray. Verses flood my mind and I just hold on to them like playing a hand...trying not to drop them for the enemy to see. Oh, when will He come and lead me from this place? Patience, I must have patience in the valley. Surely, someone else is here that would understand, but everyone is just smiling and waving like they don't see, can't see....won't see? But they are lonely. I know they are, because they tell me so. Maybe *I* won't see. I have nothing to comfort them with so I just tell them to wait. I feel defeated, like I can't keep up with it all, like it's too late, but it's a lie. HE has overcome. Waiting, praying searching wondering...doing the first things. I know He is with me even in "that place" where I am tempted to think I am all alone. I KNOW the mountaintop is just around the bend and I will be disappointed in my lack of patience. Help me Lord. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help..

"The BEST Mommy In the WHOLE World"

2010-02-03T04:14:00.005+13:00

...that is who I am, according to Lily. She tells me every day during our snuggle time-it never gets old. She pops her thumb in her mouth and nuzzles her head in my neck while I smother her little cheeks in kisses, squeezing and rocking her. It doesn't matter what happened just an hour or two before...to either of us. Her little thumb comes out long enough to hold my face against hers, "You are the BEST Mommy in the WHOLE world". Do I deserve her love? No way, but it is not a matter of deserving her love or her deserving mine...we just DO. I squeeze her back and tell her she is the BEST Lily in the WHOLE world and we just sit snuggling- enjoying the love we have for one another. Isn't that how it should be with God? Today, I'm going to enjoy simply LOVING Him and His tremendous love for me :)

Picture by Mary Cassatt Art Prints
"A Goodnight Hug"

This, That and the Other

2010-01-24T14:13:00.002+13:00

Life these past few months has been...GREAT :) And I say that after back spacing over "going", as in, "Life has been...going". Because, when I think about it, it really has been great. It was chock full of trial and hardship these past couple of months, but it was MOSTLY filled with the Lord helping us in the midst of that hardship and trial which resulted in building our faith. There was the tremendous blessing of being able to spend Christmas and New Years' with my family (my Parents, brother, sister and brother in law) in Ohio. We enjoyed family game nights, stories, dinner, absolute SILLINESS which included "planting" an OPEN can of sardines in my parents family room (in my Dad's absence) while playing Trivial Pursuit...and blame it on the fact that perhaps it was the fish oil capsules my mom and I had taken earlier that day. Blasting Air-horns on New Years Eve...which didn't even wake the kids LOL :D So, we really did have a most blessed holiday.

Before we left for my parents, I had begged Brian to take 30 days leave so that I could "recover" from his deployment. I'll tell ya somethin' else too, this whole transition from homeschool to school and still homeschool has been, well, alot harder than I thought it would be! So, anyway, my body took the opportunity during Brian's time off, to completely go haywire on me and so did a few things with our vehicles all.at.the.same.time, but you know, a few or dozen blood tests with few answers, and a few hundred dollars of auto care later...I can say, God is so good and saw us through. He knew, planned and equipped us with the time off and the means to get the vehicles fixed and me some much needed REST. Brian was home to help me get the girls dressed,to and from school, homework, housework Lily and Ayden "schooled" etc. it was still tough, but we did it :) Money is ummm something that we definitely have been tried on since Brian came back from Iraq early (Praise the LORD) and we still had 3/4 of the school year to pay for. Both of our parents have been a help to us in this, which has been such a blessing. We made it to our pay day this past 15th on fumes....LITERALLY...as in Brian had to bring a gas can to the church parking lot while also on empty so that I could get our car to the gas station the next day, which was pay day. It has been a FAITH tester and builder. I have been a coupon maniac these past few months in saving about $30 each $100 or so trip to the commissary which has been something very new for me in learning to be a good steward-so a trial def. equaled a blessing in this instance. This is the best part, GOD is SO good in that we will be getting the largest tax return we have ever gotten back...and will be able to pay off their school bill with it!!! Folks...that is HUGE as it is almost $700 per month that we agreed to pay for 12 months prior to Brian's deployment. God is so good!! So, I would love your prayers since I am still struggling with this exhausting battle with anemia, but I have been referred, finally, to a hematologist, so even that situation is under control. It's tough out there my friends, but we are learning and growing in and through it all, praise the Lord!

As far as Face Book, my blog and such...sorry :/ not sure what else to say that doesn't sound like just an excuse, lol. But this is my reality right now: CLINGING to the Lord and waiting on Him to provide my every need. Love you all!!!

Welcome Home Daddy!

2009-11-18T06:17:00.002+13:00

Music "Children's Song" by olstein Sevag from the Album WINDOWS-25 Years of Piano

A Peek Into My Day

2009-10-31T13:40:00.003+13:00

I guess today is as good as any to give one a peek into the day of a stay at home mom of four. My beloved will soon be home from his tour in Iraq, so this is a unique look at my day!

Normally, my alarm is set to go off at 6am, and this morning, it was, but I must have turned the volume down because I didn't hear it go off. Praise the Lord, He allowed me to wake up at 7am which still allowed me a little over a half hour to get my two oldest girls, ages 8 and 6 ready for school. The girls woke up quickly and I ironed their PE uniforms that they were to wear for Friday. My dryer broke a few days ago...(it must be on strike with the leaky garbage disposal and the ever running toilet since they all have been giving me attitude within the same week)...so, the uniforms were still a bit damp around the waist band where I had hung them to dry. I tried to at least heat it up to where the girls wouldn't notice....they did.

Lunches were packed, breakfast eaten, hair was done, backpacks organized , and finally, I woke up the youngest two to load them in the car for the 10 minute trip to school. After dropping off the girls and getting home...I started my morning clean up and making beds getting dressed, and then, I realized it was Friday and if I wanted to get the laundry over to the laundromat, I had better get going. Googled some laundromats, made some phone calls and then I got Lily and Ayden ready, took a look at the 3...yes THREE baskets of laundry that needed to go, and chickened out. I decided to buy a clothes line since the weather has been so mild and seeming to beg for some laundry to dry.

We loaded up, the 3 of us, after some breakfast and a snack. The kids have been in desperate need of Fall clothes and I prayed as I pulled into Kohls that I would be a good steward. I actually was, by the grace of God and with the help of the 50% off sales rampant throughout. I spent under $30 for 4 shirts, one for each child and a pair of socks. Next, we headed over to the library to return an overdue video and some books that Brianna finished well before the due date. Ayden and Lily wanted to go in, but I needed to head over to check the thrift store for some pants. We would have to do the library another day. The thrift store was just down the road, conveniently, and I found pants for each child and a shirt for Ayden. Each item was priced at around $2.99 which wasn't too bad. I prefer the .25cent finds at garage sales, though ;) In the midst of it...I got a message from my husband. I guess there was no reception in the store lol, it just figured and my poor husband had waited for who knows how long in line for the phone to call me. I would have been upset if he wasn't scheduled to come home so soon, but since he was, I felt badly for him, and not so much for me.

The kids and I were starting to get hungry and so I got some fries for them and a soda for me to tide us over until we could get home. We had one last stop to make before it was time to pick up the girls. Ayden fell asleep on the way to Walmart where I was intending on getting the clothes line. I also had some items I needed to return and of course the line was about 10 deep. Poor Ayden was so thirsty and so I smiled as Lily hoisted him up to the fountain just a few feet from the line in customer service. I left Walmart without the clothesline I so desperately needed and used every minute of the 10 remaining to get over to the school in time to pick up the girls.

3:05 I pull up to the sweet smiling faces of Brianna and Anjolie. The kids all talked excitedly about their new and used clothes. A new shirt and pair of pants for each of them, in some cases 2 new pants...it was like Christmas :)

As we drove home I thought about how long it would take to make my pizza dough because we had been invited to a friends house for 5pm. It usually takes me about an hour and a half to make pizza, so I knew I would be pushing it. The kids poured out of the car and into the house where I told them to quickly get their bags put away and lay down until it was time to leave so that I could make pizza. That wasn't happening....so they decided to watch the Elmo deployment video for the thousandth time while I begged the dough to not give me any problems.

4:45pm I realize that I'm not going to make it to my friends' house by 5pm but after the phone call it turns out that 5:15-30ish would be just as good since her baby was napping. By 5:05ish we all raced out of the house. Me with my piping hot pizza on my baking stone...yep, stuck it right in the front seat along with my friend's dish that I needed to return and we were off for an evening of play and fellowship. And now, it's almost 9pm and here I sit, the day is done, kids are each in their OWN beds...not mine, tonight, and I am just thanking the Lord that I have no where to be tomorrow! God is so good, all the time.

Do You Ever...

2009-10-28T14:45:00.007+13:00

hold on so tight inside that it almost feels like you are shaking? I feel like that sometimes...gripping truth with all I've got...just holding on to the fact that the Lord WILL sustain me...and I'm holding on as if that truth could some how run off without me. It's not the big things that end up shaking me to the core. It's the overwhelming sense of loneliness in the everyday situations. For the big things, I do have plenty of support and know I have friends I can call on and family if they are needed. But, in the moments of every day *stuff* the fighting and crying and laundry, the leaky garbage disposal, the toilet that won't stop running...you know, just normal *stuff* to include the recent sick stuff, I suddenly find myself feeling very alone and tense and clinging... But finally, the Lord brings to mind that it's not me that is holding on to the truth, it is the truth within that is holding me...as if I'm gonna run off without IT. Then, I have to physically force my body to relax and my lungs to breath and just REST in that. He's got it...He's got me...I just have to relax and go with it.

Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live: and let me not be ashamed of my hope. Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe: and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.
Psalm 119:116-117

What Road Is This?

2009-10-26T14:14:00.002+13:00

Do you ever find yourself wondering where you made that last turn in life? I mean, I had the definitive ones, like having a baby, and another one...then repeat that 2 more times. After that it was...where did all these little ones come from and are they ever going to grow up a little so I can have a moment to myself....and now...

I have that moment. It seems like it's moving at lightning speed and I want to have something to show for it. I spent a good while the other day going back through my blog posts and reading the adventures. I watched the videos...and I wanted to cry. That seemed ages ago. But at least it's there recorded...that moment. I laughed I smiled and I cried...and I wrote it down. It might not have made all that much sense all the time, but I did attempt to capture my thoughts and feelings. To have others that enjoyed that moment too and commented...well, I have that as well...which makes this even better than a scrapbook, really :)

So, back to that turn I had made. I think I turned from the thoughtful pondering of a blog to the fast quick easy FB with lots of people who really don't know me....probably never will. They would never take the time to read a blog post...most of them.....so, I'm just thinking....jaded by a recent event and thinking....how did I get here and where do I go from here....

She Returns...

2009-05-08T08:58:00.003+13:00

...and it is bittersweet. I have trouble "facing" my blog, and that may sound strange but it is true. This micro-dot in the cybersphere is a sort of distant "home" to my heart, and we all know, it isn't always easy to come "home". Things are never the same are they?

Seems so very strange to me that my heart can feel so heavy yet be in complete acknowledgment that God is on the throne. The experience of His Grace and the experience of the trials necessary to understand that His Grace is all sufficient, render me speechless most times. Oh, I can muster little "blurbs" on FB but to actually come here...home, to hit the pressure release valve on my heart and pour it all out onto this glaring white screen like old times, is something I am finding more and more difficult to do. The trials and burdens I am used to sharing, no longer consist of the every day consequences of a large family with a focus challenged homeschooling mommy trying to make it through the day with a clean house to boast....no...our worlds now are forever changed aren't they? Each and every one of us now bear the worry of what tomorrow will hold in this very changed nation. Then, there are the hurts and burdens of friends, loved ones...dire circumstances and health situations that seem to be of such gravity that the English language limits us to even share with one another the depths of the sorrow we feel over these circumstances. Praise the Lord, He makes intercession for us...because, I'll be honest friends, I just don't have the words, only the tears to show for the white knuckled pleading in my heart. I'm so thankful that sometimes even to say the name of Jesus is enough to flood my heart with a sense of comfort....His name and all that it means to my heart helps to focus my mind. Just to lift my flesh bound hands and say His name brings such release when I remember all that He did on the cross. His very name holds more meaning than I could write in a life-time. My precious Lord Jesus, let me never fail to find comfort in letting my burden rest on your ever listening ear...

(Catchy Title Goes Here)

2009-02-27T04:46:00.004+13:00

Interesting phrase to get your attention...

....followed by more rambling and ... - and ** to replace any real sort of punctuation. ;)

Yes, I have already used the title "Random" so, I am sure you can think of something better and do a mental cyber-insert up there to better complete this little update. Creativity has been replaced with practicality for the time being and it is not pretty. Iam working to remedy the imbalance as quickly as possible. :)

If you are on Facebook, you probably already get my little status updates and such. I think Facebook is killing my capacity to come up with anything meaningful to put on here! But, I love you, and my blog so I will work harder at "saving" my material for this, my cyber-home.

I guess the big looming gray ominous looking cloud is that Brian deploys in a few months. He will be in and out before he deploys, but this is our first BIG separation and so I am gearing up for it mentally, spiritually, fiscally, physically and emotionally...and not necessarily in that order. The one really neat thing about BIG LOOMING GRAY clouds is that there is a huge blinding sun behind it :)

God is so good. He has placed us in this beautiful little "nest" with all that we need. I knew when He made the way for us to rent this house...He was providing for trials ahead. :) He has provided sweet fellowship with friends both far and near who have gone through this and are going through this very thing. I have family nearby (well nearer than Japan anyway.haha) who have already volunteered to come this summer and offer a helping hand. Summer is right around the corner which will be a nice boost in this upcoming winter of separation. Even this trial pales, in my heart of hearts, when compared to the *mountains* that other dear friends are scaling with the Lord's help. May the Lord always help us to see HIM even when there are dark looming clouds swirling about us.

The Hunchback of Virginia Beach

2009-02-11T11:17:00.008+13:00

I am cracking up at how my posts always seem to be drastically different from one to the next...such is my life.

Once a month, Brian has to work with his reservists and while I am so glad I get to see him in the evenings, Sunday mornings, I miss his helping hand in getting the children ready for church. This past Sunday was especially challenging because Anjolie, who is picky anyway, was having a fit because I didn't have an extra t-shirt for her to put on under her dress...and the life threateningly tight sash was not quite tight enough...as, according to her, she could still *breath*. Quite frankly, I did not have time, nor was I in the mood, to find a solution or prepare another outfit for her to wear, and I made that fact as clear as I possibly could.

After dealing with her huffing and puffing pouting, Anjolie finished getting ready and we were all ready to walk out the door. Before we walked out, I noticed about an inch of one of Anjolie's pink pj shirts was poking out of the top of her dress...another 5 minutes of crying and pouting and correcting pass...I sent Anjolie up to her room to get the pj-shirt off and quickly loaded the other 3 in the van. Anjolie, in much better spirits, finally joins us in the car -albeit with a heavy winter coat on that I told her she would not wear into church since it was too warm for that.

The Yost family minus Daddy made it to church with 5 minutes to get 3 in Sunday School, one in nursery and myself to class...I was breathless but thankful the morning seemed to be smoothing out. My mind was full with what the day held and it was all I could do to concentrate on Pastor's class, but about midway through, I was focused on what counted- a day of worship.

You know, these crazy things that happen in this household are too crazy to be made up...this stuff is better than fiction, I tell ya. I prefaced the incident with all this to hopefully win you to the *how* I could have "missed" the "hunchback" thing. So hang on...to make this hopelessly endless....

After Sunday School, it got a little crazy again as I have to pick up the girls from class in the next building and quickly move Ayden to another nursery room sign him in, grab a pager and finally get into the sanctuary for the service. Since Brian wasn't there, I couldn't get up to choir, which turned out to be, a.good.thing. When I picked up Anjolie, I noticed that my friend wasn't there teaching, only her husband, and since he was busy, I called Anjolie to hurry and go with me to church. Anjolie turned around to say goodbye to a friend and as she turned, I saw the straaangest thing. Lo and behold, there was a leg of tights hanging down her back from her collar...............what.in.the.WORLD? Yes, a leg of white tights just uh, hangin' from the collar of her navy blue dress, like it was cool...the rest of the thing remained stuffed down her dress. At least, the foot appeared fresh and clean, I noticed-so, it coulda been worse, like the foot coulda been filthy black or something. Anyhoo, I pulled out the tights as we quickly walked to church, me shaking my head and Anjolie whining somethin' about her zipper bein' cold.... I thought, perhaps, I hadn't used enough fabric softener or something! I NEVER would have guessed they were there on purpose! Oh, honey, it aint OVER YET!

We were walking briskly, the 3 of us, and I shoved the tights quickly into my purse before we entered the main building. As we herded ourselves into a pew, I noticed Anjolie still had a huge hump on her back! I kid you not...and the row behind me was witness, to the near entire panty/sock/tights drawer that I fished out of the back of Anjolie's dress before their eyes. YES! Who knows what was going through the poor people's minds as they tried to cover their chuckles. I did what any stunned mom would do... gave a helpless hand lifted shrug and an apology....I mean, what does one SAY about something as unexplainable as this? Anjolie thought it seemed pretty logical that, since she didn't have a t-shirt to shield her back from the cold zipper...shoving the entire panty drawer down her back would have to suffice. So, have you about "heard it all" now? Somehow I'm thinkin' I shoulda just let the pink pj shirt slide...just this once.

Miracle

2009-02-08T11:34:00.008+13:00

It has been 2 months since I got the email letting me know that my friend, Andrea's daughter had been in a horrible car crash here in Va Beach. It happened at a time where there was so much going on in my life as well that I just couldn't even bring myself to post..so, I'm sorry this is late, but thrilled that I can report good news :)

We knew Andrea and her children in Okinawa and had only recently found out we were living this close to one another, here in Va Beach, when Brian ran into Andrea at the commissary. While in Okinawa, little Natalie was in nursery with Ayden and I taught Isabel in 3&4 year olds where her brother Zach would help out, and Andrea was in our Sunday School class.

On December 16th, Andrea, her husband and 2 girls (Zach was at school) were stopped at an intersection and a tractor-trailer hit them from behind at over 40 mph. Here is the news story with pictures. The driver of the rig had not seen them or the light...he plowed right into them. The trunk was pushed into the back seat where little Natalie 3, and Isabel 4 sat in their car-seats. Isabel suffered a concussion but little Natalie's head was pinned against her mother's seat causing 3 fractures in her skull. Things did not look good. Isabel was discharged from the hospital after a few nights, but Natalie's little brain was swelling and the swollen tissue was starting to die. She was vomiting and not able to respond...little Natalie was not supposed to make it...and if she did, they thought she would be severely disabled and brain damaged.

My friend never faltered in hopes of bringing Natalie home...she was clinging to her prayers that God would heal and send a healed Nat home. When we talked in the lobby of the children's hospital where Natalie was being treated...my friend and I cried and prayed and just poured our hearts out to God. They were going through some other trials as well on top of the accident and the situation just left my head spinning..."How...", I silently asked "how are You going to take care of this?" knowing full well that God would ultimately bring my friend closer to Him and glory to Himself...in whatever He did. People all over the world were praying for this precious girl that God so wonderfully made.

God chose to heal Natalie quickly and on this side of eternity. She was released from the hospital a short time after Christmas...her mom had re-potty trained her and worked round the clock with her to rehabilitate her while staying at her daughter's side in the hospital. Andrea brought Natalie and Isabel over to play the other day and according to Andrea, the neurologists have NO explanation for the recovery. Oh, she still goes to therapy for speech and physical (I think), but the little girl I sat and talked to and watched play with my little ones looked and acted as if nothing had ever happened. It was SO good to see them and love on them. God is good...and I again stand in complete awe and amazement of Him. God is still answering prayer He is still comforting and carrying the grieving and the hurting. I am still praying for miracles.

Snap Shots

2009-01-30T04:03:00.009+13:00

They just won't stop growing up.

Walle

2009-01-28T16:56:00.003+13:00

Our church is memorizing two verses a week from 1John...so that by the end of the year we will have memorized the whole book. The kids and I practice at lunch time...today, I thought it would be neat to video our progress, but Ayden decided that being "Walle" was more fun- I thought so too. My voice is SO annoying in this...sorry!

Loving One Another

2009-01-24T14:15:00.004+13:00

As moms we spend a lot of time picking up our little ones when they have fallen, wiping their tears, patting their backs...showing our love...the action of love. The tone of voice we use- our facial expressions, everything, is absorbed and interpreted in our little one's minds...they are being molded and formed, and belief systems are fast developing based upon our actions. I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly side of me, in my children...but what is most beautiful, and gives the greatest amount of hope, is seeing God work in my children's lives and blessing, in spite of me.

Today, as the children played, I stood and watched from a distance as Lily fell from her bike. I could tell that she wasn't hurt badly, but she was hurt enough that she was crying...so I waited just a second to see...and yes, her sisters came and helped set her up and loved on her and patted her to make sure she was okay. All arguments and hurts from the past played no part when it came to helping their sister in need. Lily didn't push them away and ask for mommy, as she would have done in past years, she blessed the hearts of her sisters in allowing them to love on her and help her up. My heart was so full in that moment. Love...in action..what an amazing and mysterious work God has provided that gives testimony to the nature of Christ! Seeing that display of love between sisters was even better than if I had gone to comfort her myself...and I couldn't help but think that was a touch of how God feels when He sees us as Believers, loving one another. Sure, He can come and set us up when we fall, and He does...but how much sweeter for all when He works in and through us....how it must bless Him to see His love displayed before Him and what a blessing to able to be a vessel used to comfort and love a sister in Christ.

1 John 4:12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.

picture from all posters.com

The Sickies

2009-01-22T15:41:00.002+13:00

I think that's what we are going to change our names to because for the last couple of months...it seems we have been hit with one bug after the other! The Dr's office wants to cram my kids full of antibiotics...which, I agree, sometimes they need it...but it's like, not even worth the appt anymore, why not just make them OTC. At the rate they are giving them out-it sure would free up the Dr's office...for those of us, well, maybe it's just me, who are convinced our children are, you know "dying".

Anyway, (I LOVE that transition word...shows my lack of want to think), poor Brian just ran out to Wallyworld to get some ear drops for Brianna who is up there in her room crying about her ear. I though I'd take this moment to...blog and let you know that if you put dry rice in a sock and heat it up (carefully as it continues to heat up after removed from the nuke) in the microwave, it makes a wonderful soothing compress for a sore ear. We still got the homeopathic ear drops...as I really don't want to run out at 2 am and get them...and now I totally lost my train of thought. No surprise there...I hear Brian attempting to get the drops in...I'd better help. Pray for my little sickies please!

The Babe's Alive

2009-01-17T14:35:00.007+13:00

Brian and I had a tough time deciding what Christmas gifts to get for the kids this year. We were not real impressed with much of what they have out there and the ones we were impressed with, we could not afford. Well, it came time to pick a "big" gift for Lily and when I saw that little Baby Alive over there was 50% off at R US, I couldn't resist. "How cute!" I thought...Lily was such a big help when it came to potty training Ayden and here is a doll that eats and goes #1, #2 in her very own little potty...wow, this would just thrill Lily! I had such cute little pictures in my mind of Lily lovingly feeding and changing the little talking, blinking, giggling, sweet looking doll that I really didn't think much further than that.

Christmas came and the Baby Alive..."Cherry" as Lily named her was all the rage. What I didn't realize is that this thing needs to be potty trained...like, that's the novelty of it. Well, Lily ran out of diapers for the baby like, that. day...those things had about the absorbency of a band aid and little Cherry didn't "make it" to the potty at all that morning.
"I need to go potty", Cherry would say...only to say "ooops I had an accident" like 2 seconds later...*sigh* . Lily left Cherry on the floor and when Cherry gave me the warning...I snatched her up and raced to find her potty...COME ON, I just got done training Ayden, I was not about to train a doll!! So, the kids fed Cherry at her every complaint of thirst and she peed on Lily, Ayden and Brianna and Anjolie...which always resulted in a mess for me and squeals of laughter from the kids. This was NOT FUN, this was some cruel joke by the toy company. I wonder how many of them just sit at home and *laugh* at us poor moms racing these "babies" to the "potty". Insanely, I let Lily feed the thing "food" that came with it, which was a REAL mess as Cherry informed "I made a stinky"...and stained her dress *grrr*. Then as if all this wasn't bad enough, Lily put Cherry down for a nap and Cherry wet my sheets....as I cleaned little Cherry up, I noticed that someone had "fed" Cherry some of their dinner...penne pasta. So, I had to clean out Cherry's plumbing so she didn't grow mold *ahem* Finally, since Cherry wasn't getting much use out of her potty, I guess Ayden decided he would....YES MA'AM he did...needless to say, Cherry is on vacation now and won't return for at least a few months!

I'm Praying For You

2009-01-17T04:26:00.003+13:00

I have *several* friends at the moment who have entered into the fellowship of Christ's suffering....I am praying for you.

Oh, To Be Real

2009-01-16T03:38:00.003+13:00

"Pictures of perfection...make me sick and wicked"~Jane Austen

Not that everyone has to go around bearing their soul about every last detail of their sin...but some sense of reality would be nice! I'm not really talking about what people display but what I am willing to "see" and believe. There have been so many wonderful ladies in my life who have tried to steer me in the right direction on this...*real* women. Their voices ever ring in my head, the scriptures they lifted up have been used in many a battle. I am disgusted with the ever envious desire-the ravenous never satisfied appetite to be perfect...not by God's standards and in His time, but I have such a desire "feel" good about myself. I want to KNOW that what I am doing is good and right. Instead of accepting God's plan...I jump on my own fast-track to appearing, feeling "perfect". What a joke. No one is righteous apart from God.

So, this is the thing, I start out with a good desire...to set a good example for my children, to be pleasing to my husband, to promote peace and order in the house and I move along in God's time until...I see someone else who "appears" to "really" have it together and my pride stumbles me and stomps me into the ground and causes me to "drive" toward *that* mark that I saw which was only a glimpse of a moment of someone else's life. I turn my eyes away from God and toward some other goal that leads to destruction.

What started out as a good desire was foiled by comparing myself with someone else. Paul warns us not to do this -2 Corinthians 10:12,17. So now, I've stumbled and I justify myself in saying that I never want to be "ahead" of anyone...I just want to "blend in" with the fellow saints. Yeah, blend in, with 4 kids ages 2.75 to 7. It is really a disease that has spread a desire to blend in with looks as well. Most of you know of my discontentment with my nose...it so doesn't blend and drives me to distraction, though I do have a sense of humor about it :) If someone snubs me (rather, *appears to*) I automatically assume it must be because I'm not good enough. Ridiculous huh? Now I've gone on to falsely accuse the Brethren...and get bitter about things I have imagined! Even if it was true- God is who matters.

I better wrap this little rambling up and continue with our school day...but, Oh, to be REAL, my spirit longs for this, and for me, it will come with contentment. Being content with what God has for me now in every way. Lord, help me to be content, to not be a false accuser, to remember..it's NOT ABOUT ME and only concerned with pleasing you.

Totally RANDOM

2009-01-14T09:14:00.001+13:00

I love to make homemade pizza but have always been disappointed with the canned pizza sauce...I discovered that adding a couple of Tbs of pesto makes a WORLD of difference. Alllllrighty then :) on with the day!

The Lonely Lie

2009-01-12T09:24:00.004+13:00

Is there any worse feeling than loneliness? When I am in the valley, I am attacked with such an utter feeling of being isolated and alone...it feels like I'm choking. I am so glad that is just a lie from the evil one...not reality.

Job had to feel alone...though surrounded by the wagging tongues of well-meaning friends. I think I have spent more time on the "well-meaning but worthless" advice side than on the suffering side, I'm afraid.

"Even to day [is] my complaint bitter: my stroke is heavier than my groaning. Oh that I knew where I might find him! [that] I might come [even] to his seat!I would order [my] cause before him, and fill my mouth with arguments.I would know the words [which] he would answer me, and understand what he would say unto me.Will he plead against me with [his] great power? No; but he would put [strength] in me.There the righteous might dispute with him; so should I be delivered for ever from my judge.Behold, I go forward, but he [is] not [there]; and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold [him]: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see [him]: But he knoweth the way that I take: [when] he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot hath held his steps, his way have I kept, and not declined. Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary [food]." Job 23:2-12

It's comforting to know the end of Job's story-to know God was with him, on his side the entire time. Sometimes it makes me want to "fast forward"...to Glory when all will be made clear. My heart *deeply* aches for those I know who are suffering and I am reminded constantly to pray.

Back On Milk

2009-01-10T03:25:00.004+13:00

"Of the seven deadly sins, anger is probably the most fun. To lick your wounds, smack your lips over grievances long past, roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontation still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain your are given and the pain your are giving back-is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you" -Frederick Buechner

I never thought of myself as a selfish person...much less an idolater, a luster after fleshly things...but I am. From May 22, 2001, until about a year and a half ago, I walked the floors with babies...I cleaned and scrubbed myself silly, sometimes went a week on a few hours of sleep due to sick children...so, in my mind, any time left over was MINE to use how I saw fit, and I guarded that time ferociously. Oh, I would make sure I read my Bible and prayed and gave of what I counted as MY time to Him...which made me, in my eyes, that much more holy and righteous. I loved serving in church with any extra that I had and then some- anything to "feel" right. During all this I still suffered from what I would classify as major PMS, depression, headaches, achines, nervousness, fears about assurance. Over the past year, add to that list: extreme irritability, suspicions and yelling. I felt so ashamed and guilty each time I would yell at the kids or sometimes even Brian out of frustration and would beg both their forgiveness and God's only to fall back into the habit the next week if I had reached my limit of...inconvenience.

Where in the world had this started? When did I go off track? I'm not sure. Long ago, I noticed that my first thoughts when I would get angry were not thoughts aimed at my children, but at my husband! "If he would help me more" I would think or "He has it SO easy!"...I also noticed that I had alot of anger aimed at myself as well- as if my wrath somehow sufficed as punishment for the way I acted. Both of these were symptoms of wrong belief systems in which I was God-playing. Sure, I had what the Bible said and my "universe" that centered around me mimicked a God centered life...only I had really kicked God off the throne of my heart and replaced Him with myself. Pretty scary situation. Now, what made it extra hard was that my belief system called for alot of tolerance, so the Lord really had to allow some very *big* inconveniences in which I prided myself in repressing my anger, along with lots of "the little things"at home in which I would pout and simmer and eventually yell...to draw out the ugly idol in my heart-so I could see it. Oh, the damage it has done, but God is the Master Physician especially when it comes to "heart disease".

My problem was going to need a specialist, and praise the Lord, He is thorough. It has not been easy to keep "me" on the throne- I fought for it. To start really seeing what was going on, I had to do some serious heart digging and listening to what my flesh was screaming for whenever it was offended so that I could trade that wrong desire or belief that I was owed something- for His desire and remember that I am a living sacrifice. I had created my own set of standards instead of God's standards...I started taking back more and more time and convenience for myself that I deep down believed had always been mine. I felt justified after ALL I HAD GIVEN...yep, that was the core belief. It had snuck up on me...I tried eliminating what I thought were distractions in my life...like the computer, tv, and I thought I was making progress. These were all efforts of my own strength trying to rid myself of a problem that wasn't a time management problem, but a self idolatry problem. Every effort of sacrifice just that much more contributed to the ugly monster of self worship since it was done in my own strength in an effort to make ME feel and sometimes look better for MY honor and glory-not God's.

Anyway, I wish I could write something concise at this point which would help anyone reading this who either struggles with anger (both concealed and unconcealed) but as the title says, I am back on "milk" concerning this. The book "Uprooting Anger" by Robert Jones has been a tremendous help...especially since I was reading it alongside "Don't Make Me Count To Three" by Ginger Plowman and the book of James, Proverbs...they have helped keep the issue on the forefront and struck fear into my heart-which was much needed. I am still praying and truly have the fear of the Lord in my concerning the deadliness of this sin...but I know that I am still like a baby...just emerging in having my revealed belief system turned upside down.

God is so good and has encouraged me by bringing such a sense of peace to the house. Not that the kids still don't make messes or fight or that things don't offend my convenience and self-glory seeking flesh, believe me the Lord is providing opportunity after opportunity for me to *see* what really lies in my heart so that I can confess it and give it to Him. I do feel as if I have dropped a huge burden that I have obviously carried for a long time. My prayer is that this would be a help to someone somewhere -you can have a joy that is full, you can have peace. :)

Redeeming The Time

2009-01-02T14:30:00.009+13:00

As you can tell, we are now able to get our pictures off the camera which makes posting more fun :)

Wow...what a year. I find that the only time I feel sad about another year passing, whether it be one of the children's birthdays or ...the new year, is when I know I didn't do my best to redeem the time to the Lord's honor and glory. When I purposefully live *in* each and every moment...nothing is wasted. I find myself looking backwards and filled with regret rather than looking forward and filled with satisfaction when I have not done my best. Friends and loved ones have urged me to embrace the "season" I am in-I am learning more and more that if I don't do this very thing, I will be filled with an empty longing and regret for oppurtunities wasted and gone. Oh how I want to enjoy each and every gift from above this next year.

I am embracing today and purposefully looking forward to whatever the Lord holds for me tomorrow. May I dedicate each and every day to Him that I may experience the fulness of joy found when I keep Him first in my life and walk in the ways He has revealed in His Word.

New Years Eve Baby

2009-01-02T11:44:00.000+13:00

My Sister's Wedding

2009-01-02T04:56:00.019+13:00

This post is in DRASTIC contrast to the one below...whew!

I thought my sister was nuts when she asked that all 4 of my little ones be a part of her special day...I was flattered, yes, but worried...Brianna was to be a Jr Bride'smaid, Anjolie and Lily were the flower-girls and Ayden...the ring-bearer. I was thrilled to be the Matron of Honor.

The kids all did great...even Ayden when it came to the ceremony. The people at the venue coordinating and helping with the wedding said that Ayden was the youngest "functional" ring-bearer they had ever seen in their facility :). I was a proud mama when I saw that little guy lock eyes with me and walk down the aisle with his little pillow just as if he'd done it a thousand times before. Now, the rest of the night was a bit of a challenge as this was an evening wedding, but in the important moment, Ayden rose to the occasion.

I'm having trouble labeling these pics sorry...enjoy! (btw...do you know anyone needing jr bridesmaid or flowergirl dresses for a wedding?-for free of course to my blog buddies on my list)

Belle's of the Ball...

Some Things Never Change

2008-12-31T14:42:00.003+13:00

In my case...the ever constant humbling. Okay, you have read the stories, my children really know how to keep me on my toes. This latest (and it's been a few weeks) little nugget of fun I have only recently been able to even *think* about without instantly becoming nauseated with humiliation.

SO, we love our new church, the people there are wonderful, the Pastor and his wife are such a blessing and the Asst Pastor and his wife...also, SUCH a blessing. They have gone out of our way to make us feel loved and welcome. The Asst Pastor and his wife invited us over to their house for dessert one Sunday Evening and we accepted, of course, but I am always just a little bit nervous about how the kids will do. Swallowing my pride, I asked the Lord to bless our time of fellowship...and whatever that would entail. Well, soon after we get into the door, Lily and Anjolie both need to use the restroom *sigh* you would have thought I JUST made them drink like two canteens of water or something! So, while Anjolie is "going" as fast as she can, Lily can't wait and has an accident on the bathroom floor...*sigh* yep, she did. SO, the graceful lady gets me a pair of her daughter's undies for Lily to use, I clean up the mess and with a deep breath try to just shake it off. Okay, not so bad, these things happen, right? We had a wonderful time of fellowship, dessert and coffee. I felt pretty good that I was able to "move on" from that so quickly instead of just wanting to, you know, DIE. That was soon to be followed by episode 2...why can't my episodes, like the movies, get less and less interesting???

The next week we are invited to the Pastor's house for lunch after church. I was so excited to get to talk to them more and tried to shrug off the sense of foreboding that hung over me about the kids not being....well, miniature little adults that can sit perfectly still and quiet for 2 hours or more and quite honestly...make me look good- as a mom-THERE I said it. "Ding ding ding...Heather has NAILED her pride issue on the head...what does the lucky lady GET?" said my best gameshow host voice...

Just a sec...you know what is SO BAD...I KNOW you all are just GIDDY to know *gasp* "WHAT DID THEY DO???" Hahaha...it's okay I'd be like that too HAHAHA

"Okay, Bob, Heather has just won..... a second helping of humiliation!!!" *canned applause erupts*

Let me just set the stage by explaining how immaculate and beautiful this dear Pastor and wife's home was decorated...just beautfiul. Tasteful nick-nacks, scented candles, flowers....quaint charming corners. It was just beautiful. Pastor loves to hunt, so he had some deer mounted...it was just picturesque. Dinner went well until Ayden got a dribble of water on his pants, so I excused myself and him to change his pants since he wouldn't tolerat the Tablespoonful offensive wet spot. Ayden had just finished potty training, so I went to the car to get the diaper bag which had an extra outfit and undies. When I got to the car I saw that we had left said bag at the nursery for the evening service ( I GUESS that was the idea, it was Brian's fault of course ;) ). I toted Ayden back in and assured him his pants would dry just fine. Ayden distracted himself with the corner of toys Mrs Pastor had arranged while I helped serve dessert. We had a wonderful time sharing stories and talking over dessert and coffee when I realized that Ayden had been quiet for a few minutes. I walked to where he should have been and when I didn't see him, turned to see him exiting the hallway which leads to the bathroom..... Now, I did say Ayden was finished potty training...but he still needs HELP especially with the latter of the #s. Ayden sauntered toward me with NO PANTS and NO UNDIES on ...holding hands out that were covered in aforementioned latter #.... I think that at that moment I thought I was going to die, but when I scooped him up and saw the beautiful little lavendar bathroom with the scented candle burning it's little heart out amidst the stench and freshly "painted" walls...I think, yeah, I did, I died in some way in that moment. Ayden had not "made" all of "it" in the toilet ...for instance, some was on the cute little lavender rug on the floor, some was on the seat and then it looked as if he had stepped in "it" and then attempted to wipe it off his feet with his hands and then attempted to wipe his hands by, I don't know, using the whole roll of toilet paper and then the wall with varying degrees of artistic talent and technique....perhaps in that order but maybe not. I, stuffed my heart back down my throat where it lodged itself for the remainder of the day, and in a pool of sweat, while dodging Ayden's dirty little hands, cleaned up the best I could with a towel I found under the sink. I stuffed Ayden's soiled undies....IN HIS POCKET for lack of any other place...and proceeded to try and whisk my family out of that poor home as quickly as possible. On our way out, and to my absolute horror, Pastor lovingly swoops the much needing a bath Ayden up to touch a deer he has mounted on the wall...my eyes willlllllled that underwear to just HANG IN THERE as I saw a corner peeking out of his pocket. I could barely brrreath...as I am sure you can imagine. My friends, have you EVER!!!!????? I did not want to embarrass Brian in front of Pastor so I called Mrs Pastor on my cell soon after we left so that she could properly clean the bathroom. I think I got everything but the smell...and that blessed little candle will probably NEVER be the same. Yeah, to my regret...we lived through it...not sure how I could have an ounce of pride left after that little gem, but I'm sure you will hear the next time I do!

Snow FLAKE

2008-12-17T12:10:00.002+13:00

Yes...that's me...a total flake since like June? Every time I clamber back onto the blog wagon and start riding a long...I end up falling off on the bumps. I'm so sorry. And, to be honest I am not sure when I will be a consistent poster again. Facebook seems to be about my speed for the moment...and I can disappear from there without feeling guilty. I def. have my tail between my legs at the moment. Sorry, I love you...I do!

Let me at least leave you with an update :) My sister, Misty got married and all 4 of the kids were in the wedding hahaha...yeah, it went fine. I hope I can post pics within like the next month or so. So, the plan was to travel up for the wedding and be back for Brianna's performance in her Patch the Pirate play. On the way back, I learned that my Aunt who has been battling cancer and whom I have asked prayer for on occasion here, had stopped chemo and hospice was caring for her at her home. My mom told me that my Aunt was down to eating ice chips...so, we re-packed and headed back to Ohio (almost 10 hours but totally worth it) so that I could see my Aunt. I had called my Uncle the night before to let him know I was coming....she passed away before I could get there. My heart just broke, but it was amazing how everything was worked out- Brian had already requested leave for the whole week...he was going to clean out the garage and do some other errands...but apparently the Lord knew I would need to be with my family. Gas prices had dropped tremendously so traveling was no concern...we were able to spend Thanksgiving with my family and be a support (I hope) to them...and the kids did not mind the trip at all. In fact, they cheered when I told them we would have to load back up in the morning and travel back...God is so good. So, please pray for my Uncle Steve...this is going to be a very difficult holiday season for him...his bride is in glory and he will be missing her terribly until he makes his heavenly flight.

When It Rains-On The Inside

2008-10-03T00:45:00.004+13:00

This is "where I'm at", as of these past few days. I have a nagging feeling, one that I guess could be described, by some, as depressed, but I hate that word-I don't find it anywhere in the Bible. "Troubled" would be a better word, it has more hope because the Bible has answers for a troubled heart. A Biblical definition for depressed would be "sorrow without hope" and Praise the Lord, that is NOT the situation! Yes, "troubled" is the best word because it refers to being afflicted with trials. The fact that my emotions are over-reacting does not mean that my trials are bigger than God, it does not mean the Lord has not met my needs-I find that my emotional reactions exaggerate my situation-out of habit. I could go my Dr and ask for something to "take the edge off" these feelings I have trained myself to have...or I could discipline my thoughts and my emotions will follow...eventually. I know, in my case, the latter solution is what the Lord would have me do.

This move and just life in general has held trial after trial in which I can see blessing after blessing-the blessings have been overwhelming, to be honest. We are still enduring some trials and even in these trials, I see the Lord's purpose and provision, so why do I allow undisciplined thoughts to rage against what I know in my heart to be true? It is frustrating to suffer troubled feelings because I have given in to angry thoughts-which I justify because it would seem I have a "right" to be angry for myself and my "suffering". You know, I might have the "right" by the world's standards, but the Lord in His wisdom has allowed these sufferings and if I don't respond in my heart the way my head (in reminding me of the Word) tells me too- with longsuffering and patience, I am only hurting myself. I am choosing to suffer that "trouble" which He has spared me. His Word ever reminds me of His love and care, His Grace, His mercy and His attempts to comfort me with His promises of never leaving or forsaking me have been thwarted with my resolve to "dip in" to the angry thoughts that I think I have a right to. "Oh, just a few indulging thoughts followed by how good God is to me shouldn't cause to much damage" I think to myself. Well, now here I sit in a beautiful garden, of sorts, not really being able to enjoy the beauty for the brambles and thorns I've sown. These lessons are so hard, but I am looking forward to practicing Philippians 4:6-9 and experiencing the fulness of His joy so that when the rain comes next time, it will stay on the outside...I won't be inviting it into my heart.

We Interrupt Unpacking

2008-09-27T14:48:00.003+13:00

...to bring you this hairbrained update. Sorry that I got your hopes up with that last post...you know, the whole part about getting unpacked and therefore being able to put together something worth eh, "glancing" at. Yes, well, THIS won't be it, but, uh, I just thought I'd share a tid bit of the poor judgement I had.

You see, I thought that having the movers put all the boxes in the garage would be a fantastic idea so I wouldn't have the clutter and mess of wall to wall boxes that I so enjoyed in 29 Palms *ahem*. Don't get me wrong, the various broken and damaged items ring up bittersweet memories of "packing day" when we were moving from 29 to Oki *smile*...really. I wouldn't be sad to go back even with the terrible hassle of having to file claims for poorly packed things-*mmm* yeah, let me think on that a while yet.

But anyway, I digress (HA, I always wanted to use that word). The whole stroke-of -genius idea I had about putting the boxes in the garage has left my house so clean that I have to force myself to bring in more than a couple of boxes at a time to unpack. Can you just imagine my 4 little ones in a flurry of paper, tape and bubble wrap...lots and lots of bubble wrap. I know you can-you have read about the antics in the past. *Mess* just doesn't convey the scene after even 2 boxes. And then there is all the STUFF (we had "stuff" in storage too); the kids want to see, touch, and in Ayden's case, taste, chew on EVERYTHING. You never realize how much junk you collect until you MOVE!! We could live with so much less...it's embarrassing really. I guess what I am trying to say is that this whole unpacking thing is going a lot slower than it would have if I were encapsulated in a cardboard palace up to my chin in packing paper. So, that was all, thought I'd share :) buh bye for now.

Uhhhh, What's My Password?

2008-09-24T07:15:00.002+13:00

Hello friends- such an absence is unforgiveable on Blogger...but I'm sorry all the same. I almost forgot the info to even log in!

Well people, after our 10 days in a hotel, living life flipped upside down and backwards since our days and nights were switched from being on Okinawa time, we spent a month with my family up in Ohio. It was such a nice break and definitely helpful since we would not be receiving any household goods for a good month. They don't have internet so I couldn't update you all on what a fun time we were having...sorry!! We did have fun and enjoyed all the conveniences like Wallymart and Chick-fil-@. I bought a really good hair straighter at the Ohio State Fair-who da thunk it?! We had a family get-together po-folk style which was a real hoot. But my favorite times were the ones spent laying on a vintage quilt under a big shade tree reading books and eating cucumbers, bonfires under the stars, watching my Dad take the kids for rides on his mower, enjoying the beautiful flowers around my parents yard, catching toads with the kids, planting a tree at almost midnight, staying up late to catch my brother after work so we could have time to talk and catch up, watching Phelps win his gold medals with my feet propped up on my husband's lap just enjoying his time off from work, helping my sister try on wedding dresses, long talks with my mom, hearing my dad laughing and playing with the kids and hearing their feet patter to the door when he would come home from work ...there are really too many to list. *sigh* It was time much needed.

So much has happened in this move...the good and the challenging and the incredibly challenging and the incredible blessings...all of it I know works to the Lord's good. It has all been such a whirlwind and at the same time because of our circumstances, I have had a lot of time to devote to reading the Bible...lots of time spent in prayer, lots of time to deal with looking at heart issues. There's nothing like being ALONE, really alone, and to be able to allow the Lord to put things in perspective. The Word is truly like a mirror -the kind that shows it ALL...ich. I really get on my nerves after a while :D...no, seriously, I just want to smack myself sometimes. I am so thankful to have my internetty back to distract me for just little smidgens (HA) of time so I can, you know, break up the time I have to spend with myself...and my childrens ;)

And with that I will get back to work. What a horrible first post back from the virtual dead! *blush* Ugh, maybe if I get some of these boxes unpacked, I will be able to get my head uncluttered and write something worth glancing at! Anyway, love you all and I look forward to catching up!

Ephesians 6:10

2008-07-30T01:52:00.004+13:00

...applied in real life. Pastor Greg Laurie, in the wake of his son Christopher's death in a car accident, said, "The Lord is with me. I can't be afraid of suffering. I will continue on with greater commitment. . . . I have a task to do and I am going to do it."

"I can't be afraid of suffering"-that spoke to my heart of hearts-so convicting.

Getting Situated

2008-07-30T01:01:00.004+13:00

Hi friends and family! Well, we are in Virginia, we landed last Wed. after traveling from Oki to Osaka (mainland) then Detroit and finally after being redirected for a while...to our final destination. Things are very busy, as you can imagine. I think we have finally gotten over the roughest part of the jet lag. We had to pick up a van which we purchased through the Exchange while overseas...neat program, get all the registration taken care of etc for that..and now we are looking for housing. We found a church that we believe is where the Lord would have us serve while we are here...so thank you so much for your prayers and please continue to keep us in prayer as we transition. There is MUCH to do! I won't be able to visit with you for a while as most of my internet time is spent looking for housing and the rest of the time is spent out and about checking out the area. It just amazes me how drastically the dynamics of a neighborhood changes within as little as 5 mi!!!

I love and miss you-please pray as moving is always difficult for the children (and for me!). Anjolie broke down after church this past Sunday and said, "I knew this day was coming, but *sob* I miss Pastor...I would always go give him a hug and say hi on my way to choir practice..." then she got me going-right there in Olive Garden we had ourselves a little cry over the churches we have had the blessing of being a part of...it is so hard to leave church family, but it is neat how our church family is just growing :) what a reunion it will be in Glory huh?

Perspective

2008-07-17T12:45:00.002+13:00

My dad sent this to me today and it put things in perspective...sure I'm going through the stress of moving, but look at this guy...Oh, the things I take for granted-

" this Army soldier in Iraq with his tiny 'plot' of grass in front of his tent. Here is a soldier stationed in Iraq , stationed in a big sand box. He asked his wife to send him dirt (U.S.soil), fertilizer, and some grass seed so that he can have the sweet aroma, and feel the grass grow beneath his feet. When the men of the squadron have a mission the they are going on, they take turns walking through the grass and the American soil..." We have so much to be thankful for-God is so good, all the time.

In FULL Swing

2008-07-17T11:36:00.003+13:00

Well, my friends, the time has come...the move is in fulll swing. We packed out our express shipment yesterday and everything else goes tomorrow. We must commence to cleaning which won't be nearly as bad as leaving 29...but I am still having to spend hours power-washing..... the sidewalk and the house hahahaha....yeah, in 29 it was raking the sand, here, it is power-washing everything. Please pray for me thoughout all this, I have a raging headache :( which I think is from allergies-but could also be from chasing Ayden and making sure he doen't climb into a box and get himself packed. Seriously people, these Japanese packers pack EVERYTHING, their own stuff if it is not set aside, small animals and children if they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Wouldn't THAT be something to blog about...I hope NOT. But, please pray for my poor pounding head-these headaches I get can last for days. It started last night before I went to bed...and I woke up with it...ich.

Another prayer request please, there is a typhoon coming which could really put us in a bind for lodging since our reservations are at the beach...and every other place is completely booked-PCS (perm change of station) season. And, oh yeah, did I mention I am terribly afraid of flying? So without further ado, I will go back to packing and cleaning and you know, all that fun stuff involved with moving :) Thank you so very much for your prayers...they mean the world to me.

We Serve An Amazing God

2008-07-14T11:41:00.011+13:00

My husband and I had the great blessing of being able to MIRL a bloggy friend's husband! In a nutshell, Becky and Matt are newlyweds...Matt had served his time in the USMC, and he was honorably discharged only to be recalled just months after wedding his beautiful bride and then deployed to Okinawa! I could not imagine, the whole situation just hurt my heart for them. So, precious Becky (that pic of her just totally choked me up when I saw it...too sweet) has been away from her husband for a good while now. Becky and I have been cooresponding since about April-it has been wonderful to get to know her and how "big" the Lord is in her life and to have the Lord impress upon me how loved she is. We have now had an extra special blessing because her beloved took us up on an offer to catch a ride to church both last Sunday and yesterday-(he has also been deployed to other places during this time) since he was back on Okinawa.

We had a potluck this past Sunday (our yesterday) after church, and Bro. Matt agreed to join us :) Our children were thrilled to meet him - and proceeded to just chat his poor ear off...you know, the whole 20,000 who, what, where, why question thing that kids do to people. I am so glad he brought his camera and took some pictures because last Sunday my battery died and this Sunday, the memory card was left in it's port on my printer *ahem* ...but Matt had prepared by bringing his own...I AM blonde after all and susceptible to lapses in intelligence (hahahahaha), so, when we get his pics, I will post them. ETA- I got them!! Thank you Brother! :)

What a precious couple they are and so loved by the Lord...what a blessing to be able to cross paths with them in such a unique way. God is so good and there is so much more I would like to say about this "encounter" with the Lord's work, but I honestly can't comprehend what all the Lord was *doing* in all this...I am just left in awe of Him. Please pray for them as they will be reunited very VERY soon! I am SO excited for them!! Please stop by her blog and let her know you will pray for safe flights for both of them. Thank you!

The MOVE...

2008-07-11T20:43:00.008+13:00

...it's goin'. I will share just a glimpse of the fun we are having. :)

We are in the process of selling our van, and I was on the phone this morning with a prospective buyer, when I heard a knock at the door. "Oh, yeah!.." I remembered, "the movers are coming to take a quick inventory of household goods"! It was NOT a good time-I had a friend due to come in an hour so we could finish making baby shower invitations, Brianna was still in the process of getting dressed for a culture class that she was taking (today was the last day) so I shooed her into her room to finish, Lily was in her swim suit and some dress-up shoes since I told the girls we would go to the pool today...so I shooed her to get some clothes on....I have no idea what Anjolie was doing, and Ayden, well, he stood at the door waiting to see who was knocking. I quickly explained to the inquirer on the phone that I would need to call her back, the crazy moment just seemed like toooo much seeing as how it wasn't even 9am yet. So, I opened the front door to let one of the Japanese movers in and let him stand in the entry-way while I got off the phone. Ayden looked up at the man, who was waiting patiently with his clipboard, squatted down to jump and announced "I POOPED!...I pooped!" with each little hop, in the sweetest little 2 year old voice you ever heard, like it was good news or some new thing...I almost dropped the phone I was so mortified. I didn't even try to apologize, it was just one.of.those.moments I swooped up the stinky little guy-not sure what I said to the caller as I hung up with her, and left the poor Japanese man who was rolling over the english in his mind translating it to Japanese, I'm sure, as I mentally pressed *delete delete* in desperation...the rest is a blur...so yeah, the whole movin' thing...it's goin'

No More Stitches

2008-07-09T13:54:00.002+13:00

We snapped this pic before Ayden went to get his 3 stitches out....it took over 2 hours of *sigh* blood sweat and tears because they were too tight, but the Dr finally numbed it with lidocain and sort of "dug" them out ich...Allll done!

The We/They Thing

2008-07-09T12:04:00.005+13:00

"There are two classes of people: the righteous and the unrighteous. The classifying is done by the righteous"*-Ambrose Bierce

- okay that satirical tid-bit about our tendencies in Church made me chuckle. They put their children in school and we home school, they have shorter hair and we have longer hair, they bottle feed and we nurse, they are new Christians and we are mature Christians...you get the idea. Why do we have that tendency to make everything a we/they thing? People are either for us or against us-in our minds-I am most always mistaken when I, in my mind accuse someone of being "against" me. ( I am NOT talking about the approval of sin issues btw). If we are born-again believers....it is always WE -and WE should always be looking to Christ, before whom we will one day stand and give account . It is He who sees ALL and is always on our side when we are living for Him :)

*quote taken from On Being A Servant of God by Warren W. Wiersbe pg 49

Tammy's Recipes

2008-07-08T11:57:00.002+13:00

This site has been linked on my side bar for a long time, but I just thought I'd point it out...Tammy's Recipes I love it...from real do it yourself recipes tried and tested by her readers to homemaking tips, child care and encouragement...her little neck of the internet is a real treasure. Take a moment to explore-especially if you have small children, she is truly an inspiration!

Lily Presents...

2008-07-07T21:18:00.003+13:00

Lily loves this song- she learned it in her 3 y/o class-enjoy!

1930's Housewife

2008-07-07T15:50:00.003+13:00

100

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

I was surprised! How did you do?
ETA

132

As a 1930s husband, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

My dear husband scored even better! (I took it for him...so you KNOW it's gotta be the truth ;) hahaha)

Silly, Stitches and Stuff

2008-07-07T00:31:00.013+13:00

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July!

Here are some pics from the past week.

One of our family's favorite places to eat with the kids is the "Globe and Anchor" ....the kids call it the "Golden Ankle" :) I took some pics since this is probably the last time we will eat there before we move.

Daddy gets silly with the kids.
Ayden loooooves his daddy! He likes to squeeze daddy's face and say "chubbo chubbo dada" :)

Brian had duty on the 4th, so I took the kids to the "Americafest"...Anjolie took this just loooovely pic of me driving..and driving...it took a little bit for me to find it, and when we did, they had a full security area to search bags, walk through metal detectors and check ID cards before entering since it was at the Airforce flight-line. It was quite the adventure getting through that with the 4 little ones. I think I was ready to just call it a day at that point ha!

See that little guy sitting in the pic down there? If you look closely, you can see his busted little lip. He fell at the playground this past week and had to have 3 stitches under his lip, poor little guy had to have an IV and be put under sedation for it...but ANYWAY...that was a whole other ordeal that I would just rather not revisit...

It turned out to be soooooooo sweltering hot at the Americafest that I just got the kids a treat once we got through the whole security ordeal and we left....their faces were flushed with heat within moments of arriving. I was afraid of what would happen if I let them go jumping around the bounce house in that heat! There wasn't too much complaint from the kids about leaving, I think they were kinda glad-especially when they felt the AC in the van!
After taking some much needed naps, we went to a BBQ which was alot of fun...I love times of fellowsip. We were able to watch fireworks right from this park which was across the street from my friends house. We all really had a good time. Sorry you could not be there honey-we sure missed you :(

Happy Independence Day!!

2008-07-04T19:56:00.002+13:00

I can't wait to see everyone's pics!! Have a great weekend :)

This 4th Of July

2008-07-04T16:46:00.001+13:00

....as you watch the fireworks, enjoy family and friends, please take a moment to remember the real "fireworks" going on over "there"...remember those left behind missing their loved ones...remember that this is a difficult time for those who have served in Iraq-they are forever changed. Pray for the brave wives left with little ones to care for and who leave their pillows wet with prayer filled tears...I know that you will remember them today as you wave your flags with pride. They so appreciate our prayers and love.

I know you will remember, most of all, our Saviour who paid the ultimate price for us...who bore the sin for us all on the cross of Calvary. We celebrate our freedom, yes, but it was not without the ultimate cost. Let's remember the price that was paid by our Saviour...Praise the Lord, it is a work complete!

Little 'Uns And Laundry

2008-06-28T14:13:00.008+13:00

Life with 4 kids...is filled with such blessing, and then there's the "laundry" side of it....and some craziness;) When I think of it like this, I realize that the work and the blessing are two sides of one coin. You can't have one side without the other. Blessing comes with training.

Deu 6:5 - 7 "And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."

I thought of how laundry relates to kids because it always needs to be taken care of, it is hard to keep up with when you have more than 1....and in this house it tends to need some extra TLC to come out bright and white! It also mildews and ruins if it sits for too long-the laundry :)not the kids, if it piles up, it requires lots of undivided attention, it needs the occasional repair, and spots must be noticed and given prompt attention or they will turn into stains. When my laundry is cared for properly and sweet smelling, folded in the drawers...it is such a joy to reap the blessing of the faithful work involved in caring for it- I so enjoy fresh laundry. How sad that I am comparing my precious blessings to laundry, but I think you get my point...we can allow our children to fall into being classified as just another task of the day, like, laundry-when we lose our focus or get overwhelmed in our work/outside ministries,bloggin', and when they have fallen into "disrepair" they are less than enjoyable-they become a burden. Well cared for children are a joy! Sure, just like laundry, this takes constant work, but it is work well worth the effort :) This isn't a "how-to" post...lol, just a "where I'm at" post.

"Craziness" is inevitable at times and I have had to learn to smile and just roll with it-and yes, you would have to have a larger family or small, close together children to really really understand this. :) It is good for the children to see that God can truly keep us in perfect peace and joy even in the midst of "craziness" and the smile on your face will be such reassurance of what an awesome God full of abundant grace we serve. Not that I am good at doing this-I must admit.

Anyway, back to my little epiphany (hahahaha)-Laundry for 6 people has become so routine that I don't put much thought into it-I just.want-it.done. This was the *aha* moment- I notice that when am not *attentive* to my responsibility to the training of my children-really *caring* for each one, I start to treat them like I treat my laundry-like just another task. I try to make sure they get the proper amount of attention every day, I clean, feed, teach, care, listen and correct, but when I fail to "connect" with them individually each and every day on a personal level...relationships become strained-"spots" get neglected. Excessive sibling rivalry is a big indicator to me that my children feel they must compete for a limited amount of attention. Correction becomes a power play-they want attention and I want to quickly get the situation taken care of so I can get back to my work. "Cause' I said so" starts to be the catch-phrase, repeating myself at louder and LOUDER and THAT'S IT-is the final indicator of my neglect. The paddle is left collecting dust because I somehow rationalize that at least I'm not spanking them in anger...sure so I'll just hollar...soooo much better *rolling eyes*. Ummmm yeah, so, since I am relentlessly sticking to my poor little analogy: *ahem* the "laundry" if you will, is making it to the laundry room and really, just set there-out of sight- to deal with later...when I feel up to it. Day after day the "spots", to include my own more serious spots of selfishness and neglect, that needed immediate attention sit and become tough-to-remove stains. When I finally get to the stain, I feel guilty and frustrated and think, "If only I would have taken notice and dealt with it when it happened!" as I am having to spend a great deal of time scrubbing and soaking and scrubbing and soaking wondering if the beautiful fabric will ever be right again. Instead of being angry with myself, I become angry with the consequence of my neglect. This is the same trend at times with my children, if I don't take notice of the "spots" that come up in my children on a daily basis and deal with them then and there...they/we start to develop tough-to-deal with "stains". Bitterness, pride, covetousness, selfishness...they rear their heads in subtle ways at first, and I can catch these symptomatic spots early if I am really getting to know my children on a personal level every day. At least when I give the spots and stains to the Lord, HE is the one who does the scrubbing of my heart...the longer it's left, the more scrubbing is needed-ouch! :)

Getting to know them is such a joy and I don't know how I let the cares of the world crowd out the precious time I have been given to train them. We do many special things together we read, play, act silly, spend time singing praises and learning more about God, but no time is as special to them as the one on one "talk" time. One of my girls' favorite things to do is have tea time with me...and I know that's because we talk while we have our tea...really talk together-share our hearts with one another-express concerns, ask questions, reconcile old hurts, shed some tears, pray... Brianna will ask me early in the day, sometimes, if we can have "tea- when the babies go down" this, I recognize, as needing me to *connect* with her and it is at that time I can notice and ask the Lord to do some "spot" treatment on the areas of concern I see in my child and in myself. I'm sure when Ayden gets older, he and his dad will have their special moments while tossing a ball around, but for now I get to cuddle and talk with him, teach him to pray, read him stories and love and kiss on him. These moments with my children, when I choose to take them, are so precious and beautiful-there are no words to describe how the Lord blesses it. It is better than a Downey fresh, warm smelling stack of folded plush towels...Mmmmmm.

Ps 127:3 Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.

image from allposters.com

An Oasis

2008-06-28T12:07:00.007+13:00

An Oasis...that is what I felt I came to when I read this devotion (which I pasted below) from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening Devotions...It was a much needed and SUCH a blessing this morning in the midst of some "growing" pains and after days of experiencing some heavy spiritual attack. After much prayer and heart searching and scripture searching...in closing my time I read this wonderful reminder and was instantly strengthened. The Lord knows what we need when we need it!

( The following was copied from Blue Letter Bible)

"Looking unto Jesus." —Hebrews 12:2
It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you have not the joy of His children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus." All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: He tells us that we are nothing, but that "Christ is all in all." Remember, therefore, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee—it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee—it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be the instrument—it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to thy hope, but to Jesus, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith. We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul. If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on Him; let His death, His sufferings, His merits, His glories, His intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to Him; when thou liest down at night look to Him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after Him, and He will never fail thee.
"My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesu's blood and righteousness:

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesu's name."

*image by Peter Carston-copied from allposters.com

An Update On Cate

2008-06-28T01:11:00.004+13:00

My friend let me know that Cate has gone to be with the Lord. You can read here about this precious baby girl who is now with her Heavenly Father. She was 7 mo old when she left this old earth, and now, she will live with our Lord in her glorified body for eternity. Please be in prayer for her parents and siblings. Thank you so much to all of you who lifted up this precious one in prayer...our prayers were answered according to His perfect will...she was healed completely, though not on this side of eternity.

image from google images

I'm Blonde

2008-06-25T13:40:00.004+13:00

...so I can tell blonde jokes ;) My husband sent me this today and I laughed...on the inside, so I though I'd share.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not goingto be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..." he sighed, (scroll down)

"let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box !"

Eat Your Veggies!

2008-06-23T17:32:00.008+13:00

I love listening to my kid's conversations when they think I can't hear them-though I'm only like 10 feet away ;).

For lunch we had the rather unusual combination of grilled cheese, orange slices and a side of steamed broccoli, cauliflower and carrots. Lily was not looking forward to eating her "collifowler" as she calls it. So, Anjolie, recalling her little accident last year, says "You wanna have broken bones this summer?!". Lily replied, " Nooooo" nervously wondering if her bones would just fall to bits that very moment for lack of ...vegetable eating. "Then you better eat your veggies!" Anjolie warned, a little too sternly-*ahem* it was noted ;).

I should use her own logic in telling her that if she doesn't take her nap, which she just *today* decided she is too big for, she won't grow properly... She informed me just a moment ago, "I'm not one of those TEENY numbers anymore, like 2 or 3 or 4...I'm 5!!" . Whoa!! So, in light of this revelation, she has now graduated from nap time to REST time ;) Funny how they both result in the same thing...sleeping.

UPDATED about 20min later to add....yep, the triumphant "rest" time. Her hair is still wet from running through the sprinkler...mom's know when their little ones are tired...even if they aren't a "teeny number" anymore ;)

picture from googleimages

Week In Pics

2008-06-22T15:29:00.007+13:00

From Brianna's birthday party (finally...and my camera is having some battery killing issues) to mine...it has been a week filled with blessings (well, a little over a week).

Do you see the beautiful apron Pam made me??? (Don't look at me...you're lucky I just got over myself and allowed these to even be posted ;) )You can get a better look at the tatting (the lace) she did by hand on her site. I LOVE it :)

I made a sand-castle cake from rice crispie treats ;) I used brown sugar for the "sand" and cones for the spires. The blue icing was supposed to be like the water ;) I wasn't super pleased with it, but it did taste good and Brianna loved it.

As for my cake, that Brian surprised me with on the way home, Brian missed the moment of me actually blowing out the candle...so I had to "pretend" which felt pretty ridiculous. Look at Brianna and Lily "helping" me
keep my lips pursed hahahaha...

After cake...ahem, which I will *pay* for later ;) It was aqua girl and aqua boy to the rescue :) Have a wonderful weekend!

Urgent Prayer Request

2008-06-21T12:42:00.005+13:00

A Bloggy Friend has asked for urgent prayer for a little girl named Cate who is on life support after heart surgery. Please lift this little one up in prayer! I will update as I get information. Thank you so much!

John 14:13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

8 Sticky Pounds

2008-06-19T19:20:00.006+13:00

About a month ago, my husband did this crazy lemonade diet...out of curiosity, I tried a modified version of it for a couple of days. I'm not saying it doesn't work for some people, but it messed me up! It put my body into "starvation" mode, dumped tons of toxins into my system and gooped up my intestines. For the first time, I was shocked that 5 stubborn pounds gained this past winter increased to 8 and appears to be here to stay! I believe that a fresh fruit and vegetable fast would have been much better-but even that can be hard as far as toxins dumping into the bloodstream.

So, after reading a few of your blogs about your struggles with weight, I figure I will share mine. Don't laugh (those that know me) I would like to lose the 8 pounds ( that's just my preference, as it is my pre- 4 babies in 4.5 years weight), but I have noticed that every time I cut back on food, I gain weight. Food, in my case-and in many others, I suspect, is not the problem, it is a lack of exercise and failing to drink enough water (preferably distilled). The key is, when I exercise more, I shouldn't eat more. I think I am also experiencing some insulin resistance-so cutting back on sugar specifically is a must. This article was very helpful in understanding what is going on in my body and why the usual "shock" remedies aren't working for me.

Here's the plan: I am going to cut back on sugar, increase my water intake, continue eating the way I have been, which is honestly pretty healthy and mainly up the exercise-30 min cardio (elliptical machine)a day and 10 min high rep weight lifting(using bands) to get things moving smoothly and an ab work out once a week, which will relieve stress and flush my body of toxins which in turn will keep my metabolism up. As far as fluctuating hormones tripping things up, I take Evening Primrose Oil, Calcium, Supermom vitamins and use a progesterone cream to help. Everyone's body is different so what works for one doesn't necessarily work for someone else!

Finally, the Lord wants us to be healthy and keep our bodies functioning at its best so I ask Him to guide me in the right direction when it comes to weight as I tend to go overboard if I do get into losing weight. When I have asked Him concerning the children and their health, it is amazing how He leads (concerning food dye sensitivities and such)! I will keep you updated!

Another Blessed Year

2008-06-19T12:37:00.018+13:00

Yes, it's official...I am now to the point that I cringe as I see my birthday approaching....

In 34 years I have learned:

Frowning makes wrinkles

So does smiling

So do children ;)

All those years of eating whatever I wanted without so much as a dimple are starting to pay me back...with interest (okay, it's not THAT bad, but I def. have to watch what I eat now)

Everyone wants to feel special

People are mean when they don't like themselves

Children can see right through a hypocritical attitude

The very thing that you criticize someone else's child for...your child will do

Kids are very very very messy

Boys like gross things ( don't need to elaborate do I?)

Childish things may be annoying but not necessarily wrong

I'm not training up children to be pleasing to others, I'm training them up to want to be pleasing to God

My mom was right when she said the blue eye shadow looked guady and lots of other things which have resulted in the destruction of the evidence of such "what was I thinking" moments (ie pictures)

My prediction of bell bottoms never making a true come-back was accurate

My prediction of pegged bottom pants never going "out" was sorely wrong

"Jelly" shoes make your feet stink

Organization makes me happy

My house must be clean but it's not perfect and this is okay!

The key to a clean house is to clean as I go (only blog when the kids are sleeping riiiiight)

Embarrassing moments are what life is made of-especially with kids

The key to a good friendship is listening more than talking

Most offences are not worth even a second thought

It's not about me

If I think of a small thoughtful deed...I need to do it right away

Someone is always watching

Chocolate is my friend

PMS stands for Press Mouth Shut for the duration of the irrational hormonal roller coaster

Finding the funny side of a situation will save me from having a heart attack-this is what I tell myself

A simple smile can make someone's day

Nobody cares if I'm right and they're wrong

People don't want a solution to their problem, they want a listening ear

Time is wasted when it's not planned out

Most blessings are found when I am willing to step out of my comfort zone

I love people :) All types...I genuinely enjoy them

Loving my husband means overlooking his shortcomings

Making my husband happy comes before making others happy-including my children

Well, unfortunately, I have learned that deeply jealous people are dangerous and should be avoided

It has never benefited me to worry about something I have no control over

A good hug, a gentle touch to the arm, a squeeze to the hand-goes alot further than any word

God is always the same and is always good

A Good friend is truly a gift from the Lord

(having some major blogger quirk issues)

Day to Day...Fun

2008-06-10T01:01:00.003+13:00

What ON EARTH??? Yes, I retrieved this real life mystery meat concoction from Ayden and Lily..."makin' butter!" Ayden revealed. Lily had apparently mixed butter with bologna(?) while I was *ahem* typing the ultra serious post below *what-can-you-do-shrug* to make this super (blllech) duper treat this morning. Bon Appetit!
I wish I had a picture from last week of the *entire* box of Kix that Ayden was able to dump in the .23 seconds that I left his side to put away a step-stool which more often than not is his trusty side kick in all his mischievous attempts and successes. Yes,he was able to grab the bottom of the newly opened box and as he pulled it, it toppled alllll over the floor. He was just delighted and did a little "smashy the Kix" dance as I scrambled for my new vac (which I hate *sob* but the other one gave up a couple of weeks after Ayden cleaned out the toilet with it). It was quite the mess. But I can laugh now!

110% On Gate 2 Street

2008-06-09T12:53:00.009+13:00

" 110%" was David's answer to my question to whether he was sure of where he would spend eternity. He was sure..110% that his meditation and religious practices and studies of his "ancient" Hindu beliefs would land him in "heaven". He said it without hesitation. Scary. David appeared to be very interested in what I had to say and looked me straight in the eye as I shared what the Bible said...it was as if I could "feel" the Holy Spirit stirring him, causing him to question that 110%. His demeanor was soft and receptive and a great encouragement to me. When I finished talking with him (he needed to keep shop-I didn't realize), he studied the map we gave him to our church and sounded as if he would visit. It would take much more than the 5-10 minutes I had with him to point out the truths in the Bible needed to lay some groundwork for understanding and belief. God (lower case g) to him is completely different from who God the Almighty is in truth. I am sure there were language barriers as well. As I left him, I prayed for someone to water the seed that was sown and that he would truly make time to visit our church to learn more.

David believes he can meditate and work his way to heaven. My friend Alice ,a missionary to the Japanese, explained a bit more of his beliefs to me and again the magnitude of what the Lord does here on earth to reveal truth overwhelmed me. Nothing is more affirming of the Lord's work in people's lives than soul-winning. It is unexplainable and far beyond my understanding. Anyway, David has been deceived into thinking that his religion is ancient and dates before the Bible and therefore must be the truth. The lies of Satan reach in every direction don't they?

Titus 3:5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;

Gal 2:16 Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified.

David was one of the many that Alice and I handed a tract to last Thursday... we saw mostly Japanese. Most Okinawans are either Shinto in belief or Buddhist . My missionary friend Alice was able to speak with many of them- which is such a blessing to witness! Alice amazes me :) I love when we go together in search of those who will listen. We met all types, the polite, the indifferent, the rude...one Japanese man called after Alice sarcastically in Japanese..."Oh, God will only help me AFTER I accept Him...AFTER". Yes, my Japanese friend, all things become new *after*...just as marriage is offered AFTER acceptance of a relationship, there is an acceptance and a giving of one's self to the would be groom-it is an agreement, a covenant, not some happenstance it is not a slavery- it is a choice.

The old man's chuckle followed us to the next group of lost souls...Japanese youth, still in uniform and giddy. One boy looked interested in what Alice was sharing, but the rest joked and laughed. I prayed for clarity and understanding as Alice spoke-she asked me to pray that she would "think in Japanese" to better explain the Gospel. She finished by asking them to read the tracts she had distributed, and we walked on down Gate 2 street as we had only a short time remaining. One of the boys Alice had just spoken with, probably encouraged by his peers, raced loudly passed us as we walked, he tagged a pole in front of us and then raced back to the cheers of his friends, Alice calmly looked at me and said, "He's showing off" which just tickled me for some reason. "Well, he is", she said, in the same matter of fact voice, *chuckle*. I can't wait until I can share more with you about Alice! Her testimony points to what an Amazing God we serve.

As we distributed tracts, Alice continued to handle the Japanese and I handled the Americans who were mostly GIs out to hit the bars and clubs on Gate 2 street. Jesse was the last person I had time to speak with before meeting back with my husband and heading back to church. Jesse was a young GI of not more than 25 years of age and when I began speaking with him, his breath was heavy with the smell of alcohol and a sarcastic grin played at his mouth. After some small talk and a turned down invitation to visit our church, he allowed me to share the Gospel with him. When I concluded, it was clear he was convinced I was just trying to push "religion" on him. He was "spiritual, not religious", he informed me...did he even know what that meant? Probably not-I have heard this many times.

The scripture I pointed out to Jesse in hopes of him allowing it to penetrate the darkness he was in, fell on dead ears and blind eyes, only the Lord really knows what was going through his mind as I looked into his blue eyes..glazed over due to the affects of at least alcohol -but who knows what else he was laced with to better deaden him to any truth offered. This night was fought over in the spiritual realm long before Alice and I came on the scene. He probably prided himself on having an "open mind" since he shared that the Bible was created by Kings to "control" the people- "wisdom" from the god of this world blinding his eyes to keep him on the path of destruction. Rather than argue the lies he had been fed, I just kept sharing the Truth-I would not be tempted down the dead end road to which arguing against lies leads. I would step over each lie and offer the Word in its place. The darts of discouragement burned as they hit my heart-he would not *hear*. I offered a few more "pearls" before I retreated in one last hope of the WORD being received which could cause the scales to fall from his eyes.

Dear lost soul, in the end, it is not your spirituality that saves you- or your religion...it is your trust and belief on the Lord Jesus Christ...only He can regenerate the heart dead in sin, but it is a concious choice to respond to the Holy Spirit. Finally, "That is your belief" J. dismissed me with, "I'm just along for the ride...then I'll see what the next life brings". I was silenced by this frightening remark delivered so casually after just sharing with him what the Bible says about his lost state...my heart sank as I gazed upon the seed that fell on the wayside (or appeared to) and was trodden down...the fowls of the air, or his preconceived false ideas plucked up the precious seed and left him standing unchanged-for now. The Lord did remind me though, that His Word will not return void which filled me with hope (in hindsight). I thanked Jesse for listening and prayed that the Lord would send another sower and prepare the ground for the seed or the water if Jesse read the tract and perhaps thought back on the Word that was shared.

In the end, the lost all say the same thing, I will go my OWN WAY, I will cling to MY OWN god of this world. If I choose to think on it, in a negative sense it really depresses me- to basically hear the same thing over and over-different words, same truth- "I will go my own way". They are lost and rejecting Christ- they will blindly follow a lie to destruction because they have turned away the Light. It makes me sick inside, to see so many who will not hear, but at the same time, I am urged to keep sharing in this knowledge: the Bible says the fields are white already to harvest. The days when the Lord allows us to reap...oh the JOY...but sow, we must, until He returns. This verse was key to my understanding our labor in the fields: John 4:38 I sent you to reap that whereon ye bestowed no labour: other men laboured, and ye are entered into their labours.

It is the Lord allowing us the BLESSING to reap where others have labored! Along with our sowing and watering...yes, there will come reaping! When I think about that, I feel the obligation and better understand the commandment to share the Gospel. We enter into "fields", not our own and I think of those Believers who have DIED sowing and watering and here I am afraid to risk reaping?! How is it that my heart so quickly grows indifferent to the commandment to GO or even just to open my mouth when the Lord drops them in my lap, so to speak? Again, Eph 6:19...let it be my prayer for the rest of this life. We need to share the Gospel because there are many like David and Jesse who believe a lie... 110%.

Choose to be burdened for the lost. 2Cr 4:4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

Give-Away!!!

2008-06-06T12:43:00.004+13:00

Pam from

Good News From A Far Country

is having a souvenir give-away! She is in Jerusalem and it is their 1 year anniversary so she has put together a neat little bundle of goodies! Stop on over BY SAT JUNE 7th!!! and get your name on the comment list...you must have either a U.S. address or an APO address so she can send it.

Busy Bees

2008-06-05T13:40:00.001+13:00

At play
or getting ready for church...there is never a dull moment....and recording it here has just become a part of my life. I look forward to sharing a glimpse of our day to day with you. Through the good and the bad, my prayer is that our love for the Lord will shine through. I know you HAVE to see His grace ;) what with all our little adventures and such LOL-it is only by His Grace that I can laugh and cry and continue on!

....Or Not...

2008-06-05T13:19:00.003+13:00

Okay, so Brian (my husband) has protested my blog closing. I assured him that I was going to open a new one upon moving...that I want to get that super talented Blog Designer to do me up somethin' super fresh and new... but he is sad that this one will be gone. He does not miss a post or comment on this thing...it is so funny that one of the first things he does when he comes home is gets on my blog and reads the post *blush* and then every single comment LOL!!! It is hilarious to hear him cracking up and asking about each of you and wondering who you are, how I "met" you. Too funny.

Also, it seems that from most of your comments that you think I got offended and went stomping off....not.at.all. I just wanted to address something that had been on my heart from the beginning of blogging and since I didn't know when or really if I'd be able to get another one going, I wanted to encourage you to reach out to the *obscure* blogger, or the one who is struggling, and encourage them when they share their heart-the broken part. Since I have had my bloggy feelins hurt...I know many others had and it really helps to be encouraged after you have shown your heart on something so public as a blog. Don't just be a sunny day friend-stick by when the rain comes too.

So, I guess for now, nothing has changed, Brian can't part with the blog...and I can't say he really twisted my arm either. I have a hard time quitting anything! You don't know how many mental notes I made to blog about...and then I was like "oh, yeah,...that's on hold for now".

Anyway...I hope you will have me back into my old bloggy community until my stuff gets packed out and we are on our way :) Purty Please?

JUST LAUGH Is Coming To A Close

2008-05-29T12:34:00.008+13:00

edited to say this is very much a "just one of those days" posts..rambling and wanting to share my heart but not sure how...yeah, you know those days don't you?
A "I probably shouldn't, I'm just tired, and emotional but I'm gonna do it anyway" post.

PCS, or Permanent Change of Station is coming quickly. The time will soon arrive that we will be leaving beautiful Okinawa. Sometime in July, we will board a plane with all our memories and about 3 years of age and head back to the U.S. with a very slim chance of ever returning. It will be very difficult to say goodbye to the Church we have called home since Aug 29th of 05. It has been such a blessing. I am slowly surrendering my ministries and some are to a dear friend whose husband will replace mine as a deacon when we leave. My feelings are bittersweet. God has allowed us to run hard and strong in the midst of trials and difficulties...He has so strengthened us in the way and I look forward (with some nervousness) to what He has ahead of us.

Yes, this may be the end of "Just Laugh" seeing as how I started it to keep our friends and family updated on our lives across the ocean. I love the friends I have made on here and I do plan to keep in touch. I may start a new blog when we get settled in the states...I'm just not sure about that yet as I have shared an awful lot of info on here because we were outside of the US...we'll see what happens.

And, this, is difficult to share. It has been a challenge to discern what to share on blogger here...I don't think a blog truly paints an accurate picture(maybe I'm wrong?), but for me, I would start to write some things about our ministry here and many other things to round out what comes across my blogger image...and it just felt like it would come across as boasting. I don't think that anyone else is boasting when they share about what the Lord is accomplishing in their lives, their talents the blessings in their family...I guess I am aware of the painful fact that pride lurks around every corner in my life-even in that statement itself. Anyway, since I feel led to exclude many things that could have lent to stumbling on my part, it seems as though who I really am is not coming through. In my attempt to be *real*, in recording my thoughts and struggles...ideas, convictions and some lacking ones... I have had my feelings hurt, I am ashamed to admit, when I feel that I am rejected by other bloggers. We ladies have a sly way of showing our approval and our rejection of one another...let's be honest-I believe we even fool ourselves most times. We know when it's done to others and have a pretty good idea when it's done to us and honestly, we just have to love one another anyway :) I have gone back and read comments I made and had to recant...I have been less than gracious a few times I am sure. I praise the Lord for those who overlook my faults. It is truly a show of Christ like love when you *stick around* even when you don't see eye to eye on everything....when you see a besetting sin the Lord is working out, when you don't share the same convictions... I know we don't have time to get around to everyone's blog :) I'm not talking about that...I certainly don't get to visit everyone that I would like to...I go long periods of not being able to blog or visit, but I purpose to encourage each one of you that I can, I love you and care about you...I pray for you.

Thankfully, many of you know me personally and can see more of the true picture with all its faults and blessings as well. :) I have had to repent of accusing in my heart, as well....I know I am just a faulty human and I am never to be offended-as I am crucified with Christ, but in my flesh, I have been angered and upset when I see others judged and *ousted* by one another in the blogosphere and offended myself as well (not that it doesn't happen in real life). Praise the Lord it is only a fleeting thing and repented of immediately, but it is worth mentioning that ladies know when they are being rejected and it is discouraging. Let's be sensitive to one another. Okay, off my soapbox that rings of lingering self-pity and a touch of resentment, I'm afraid.

So, because I stumble in many ways, I will sum up our ministry here with this: it has been such a blessing a priviledge to learn and serve at Maranatha...I am so humbled...so blessed. What I do want to do is lift up the Lord-He not only sees the big picture, HE KNOWS our hearts. He has blessed and I do want to unashamedly thank the Lord for a godly husband who has so faithfully served His Lord and Savior amidst many a trial. He has taught and trained his children faithfully, been patient with me, had faith in me to be his helpmeet...held my hand in prayer...made me so proud to be his bride. As tempted as I am to share more, ...it still seems I trying to somehow be *approved*.

Please pray for us as we have much to do in preparation to leave. It is especially difficult right now because Brian is tied up with school and we still have lots of loose ends to tie up. Please pray for Maranatha Baptist Church as well-since this is PCS season...they are losing alot of faithful servants-pray for more laborers to carry on the ministry to the military and Japanese here on Okinawa. Love you my friends!

"Nevertheless"

2008-05-27T15:27:00.005+13:00

He has somewhat against me in my lack of consistancy and my coolness towards Him....I have left my "first love" in my abandonment of the "vision" He has given me. Vision as in being faithful in the little things...*ahem*. It shows in my frustration, lack of organization...yeah, I've been here more times than I would like to admit. Defeated? No....learning, growing, moving on. And, I'm on my knees...again...and again. The following ~~broke~~ spoke to my heart today...I found it- rather, the Lord brought it to my attention, whilst I was off on a tangent researching some other "Biblical things" that interested me...but should have been attending to the "little" things. Yeah...the fact that my research was *ahem* Biblical, did not mean it was allowed to monopolize my time, and not just today, this has been going on for a while now...these "bunny trails" if you will.

(To the church of Ephesus, a famous church planted by the apostle Paul (Acts 19))

"I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars: And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted. Nevertheless I have [somewhat] against thee, because thou hast left thy first love."
Rev 2:2-2:4

Matthew Henry wrote..."Those that have lost their first love must remember whence they have fallen; they must compare their present with their former state, and consider how much better it was with them then than now, how much peace, strength, purity, and pleasure they have lost, by leaving their first love,—how much more comfortably they could lie down and sleep at night,—how much more cheerfully they could awake in the morning,—how much better they could bear afflictions, and how much more becomingly they could enjoy the favours of Providence,—how much easier the thoughts of death were to them, and how much stronger their desires and hopes of heaven." (I added the bold)

edited to say...I'm not in any way trying to be some spiritual giant in this "research"...it's just that chasing bunny trails is so much more fun than say putting away the 3 loads of crumpled up laundry in my linen closet...does that paint a more accurate picture?

Happy 7th Birthday Brianna

2008-05-23T14:44:00.003+13:00

It seems like just yesterday that I was rocking you to sleep...smelling your sweet soft hair and stroking your silky cheek...the days go by so quickly and even as I write this I see that we've not much time before your grown. May I not waste a moment to listen to your little voice lifted in praise and laughter, to see the beautiful sparkle in your blue eyes, to hold you a little longer when you crawl into my lap....these sweet moments that I breath in, are priceless-I will cherish them always.

"I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always

as long as I'm living

my baby you'll be "

Happy 7th Birthday, Baby girl I love you forever...

The Church of Oprah Exposed

2008-05-20T15:12:00.001+13:00

NEW AGE GURU OPRAH - WORLDS MOST DANGEROUS WOMAN

2008-05-20T15:02:00.001+13:00

Some Important Info Before You Vote

2008-05-20T12:50:00.008+13:00

Edited to say...I removed this post about Obama...I would just ask you to please do research!!!! Scary

Please Pray...

2008-05-19T16:07:00.002+13:00

for Ashleigh just take a minute to stop over HERE at her mom's site so you can know how to pray for both of these dear friends. Thank you so very much.

Bloggylicious

2008-05-14T21:33:00.003+13:00

I forgot to mention that I am taking these new vitamins thatI got from HERE. I can def. tell a difference in my energy levels all around in just the past 3 days I have started them.

In addition to regular multivitamins they contain barley grass, alfalfa grass....spirulina and LOTS more. $36 for a 3 month supply!

Signs In The Sky

2008-05-14T17:47:00.001+13:00

So apparently this is what was seen in the sky about 10 min before the e/q hit. This site offers some interesting explanations and could serve as an early warnting system. http://www.spectrum.ieee.org/dec05/2367

Of course, God's Word comes to our minds...as both a comfort and as an urging to share the Gospel

Luke 21:11 And great earthquakes shall be in divers places, and famines, and pestilences; and fearful sights and great signs shall there be from heaven.

2Pet 3:10-14 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
[Seeing] then [that] all these things shall be dissolved, what manner [of persons] ought ye to be in [all] holy conversation and godliness,Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat? Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.

Matt 16:3 And in the morning, [It will be] foul weather to day: for the sky is red and lowring. O [ye] hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the sky; but can ye not [discern] the signs of the times?

Eclectic

2008-05-14T14:07:00.008+13:00

Can I just say that I am soooo ready for this school year to be over? Brianna is on day 165 YAY!!!! I can't wait for our pool days, beach days and oh yeah...moving too, well, that will be ummm, an adventure. I'm just not even gonna go there on here because then I will have to think about it and with everything else that is going on, yeah, I just don't want to overload my brain. Having 4 babies has done some serious brain damage...or something.

The girls are recovering from their HFM just fine, I have a horrible headache and no energy, but other than that we are finally healthy. Yay!

Ayden thinks the tub is a potty...not fun, especially when he has Lily in there with him bbblech-SO not fun.

Brian is at an Advanced Acadamy for Gunnys which means he is up north for most of the week (except for the time I called him in tears and begged him to let me come get him so I could just spend some much needed time with him...yeah, I was frazzled) he comes home for Awanas on Wed and then the weekend.

And, I did a very unwise thing...I stayed til 1:30am talking with a friend of mine who stopped over after the kids were in bed. We had a great time talking and laughing, but I knew 1:30 am was pushing it...then the situation got worse...Ayden woke up at about 1:45am. Oh yeah...and he was *up* until after 3am. Fun times. This is also my team's week to cook the visitation meal and I *need* the energy and wits about me to juggle stuff. Okay, so have a great day :)

Training Them Up

2008-05-12T16:46:00.004+13:00

...to be accusers of the brethren. We see it all the time don't we? Scary. From time to time I like to read the articles at No Greater Joy Ministries. Note that I don't agree 100% with everything that is taught, but there are many many good things I have learned in reading the Pearls' material. The articles are many times convicting but also encouraging- I can count on them to give me a fresh perspective. The question and answer session I read today addressed a situation that I see alot...in my own home as well, unfortunately.

"My 8-year-old daughter tells me everything. My husband heard her telling about some things that happened at church and he said it sounded like gossip. How can I encourage her to tell it without her engaging in gossip?"
"Many mothers establish emotionally intense bonds with their children by encouraging "telling all." The "all" the child learns to tell is how bad everyone else's children are and how he alone choose righteousness. Tiny details, such as the other child’s expression or attitude are discussed as well as "why do you think they...?" It is amazing how fast a small child can become subtle in knowing when to leave out or add a word, a phase, an expression, an emotion, or an opinion, thus changing the whole color of what really happened. Once this habit is established it is very hard for mother to see the deception that is so apparent to others. By your eagerness to hear the tale and respond you are encouraging the child into being an "accuser of the brethren."..... Never develop a "them and us" attitude. Don’t lead your daughter to feel superior to others. You should be sad when you hear of the failure of others. Discuss with your daughter ways to help the bad situations. Never allow your daughter to feel a closeness to you by tattling on others. If she emotionally profits from running others down, she will keep doing it even to the point of lying. " You can read the rest HERE.

Happy Mother's Day Mom and Mom in Love

2008-05-11T20:01:00.009+13:00

When I think of my mom, I think of the following quote:

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Mom, I can't thank you enough for your prayers, for teaching me to pray and read my Bible and to never lose hope....I learned, by your example, that I can always trust in the Lord. I love you, and want to deeply thank you and Dad for loving the Lord and making Him the center of our home.

The Lord Blessed me also with a Mother-in-love who loves the Lord. I want to thank you so much for being such a great source of love and support. You have known me since I was just a 16 year old and have been there all along the way watching Brian and I grow and learn and fail and succeed...I know it's not easy being far away. Thank you so much for your love and prayers...and so much more. Happy Mother's Day!

WONDERFUL MOTHER
God made a wonderful mother,

A mother who never grows old;

He made her smile of the sunshine,

And He moulded her heart of pure gold;

In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,

In her cheeks fair roses you see;

God made a wonderful mother,

And He gave that dear mother to me.

--Pat O'Reilly

Sweet, Sassy...and Sick

2008-05-11T14:20:00.006+13:00

Blech...nothing serious, but the Hand, foot and mouth "disease" (which is really just caused by a cold virus) has hit. It is spreading like wild fire in these parts. So, I have cranky little blistered children..only two, but the others I am sure will follow suit shortly. The pic reminded me of Ayden LOL...he's managed to escape pics and the sickies...so far ;)

pic from google images

On The Sweet And Sassy Side....

2008-05-07T19:45:00.002+13:00

Just some pics of my girls from this past weekend....the boy is too quick for the camera ;)

He Breaks The Chains

2008-05-07T13:03:00.005+13:00

...that I, in ignorance, had allowed myself to be bound.

"And if we ourselves are free with the liberty of Christ, others will be brought into that same liberty— the liberty that comes from realizing the absolute control and authority of Jesus Christ.
Always measure your life solely by the standards of Jesus. Submit yourself to His yoke, and His alone; and always be careful never to place a yoke on others that is not of Jesus Christ. It takes God a long time to get us to stop thinking that unless everyone sees things exactly as we do, they must be wrong. That is never God’s view. There is only one true liberty— the liberty of Jesus at work in our conscience enabling us to do what is right.
Don’t get impatient with others. Remember how God dealt with you— with patience and with gentleness. But never water down the truth of God. Let it have its way and never apologize for it. Jesus said, "Go . . . and make disciples. . ." ( Matthew 28:19 ), not, "Make converts to your own thoughts and opinions."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest)

The Lord has really been doing some "light shining" in my heart and life...it has been painful. There have been some bitterness issues and ignorance issues that have opened the door to spiritual oppression....horrible feelings of anger that I had no idea where they came from..NOT FUN. I suddenly felt like I could relate in a way to Saul -one in need of a harpist to calm my soul. David's sweet music could only chase away the oppression for a time, Saul needed the only permanent remedy there is...a repentant heart and God as the Lord of his life. Well, in my suffering, I searched, He revealed, I repented, He is restoring and I am praising the Lord for His goodness and mercy.

"Because that, when they knew God, they glorified [him] not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened."Romans 1:21

Deut. 28:28,29 "The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart: And thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save [thee]."

Read what Matthew Henry said about the above verses - "That they should be infatuated in all their counsels, so as not to discern their own interest, nor bring any thing to pass for the public good: The Lord shall smite thee with madness and blindness, v. 28, 29. Note, God’s judgments can reach the minds of men to fill them with darkness and horror, as well as their bodies and estates; and those are the sorest of all judgments which make men a terror to themselves, and their own destroyers....Those that will not walk in God’s counsels are justly left to be ruined by their own; and those that are wilfully blind to their duty deserve to be made blind to their interest, and, seeing they loved darkness rather than light, let them grope at noon-day as in the dark."-okay, this rejuvenated a healthy fear of the Lord in my bones...we serve a JUST God, a righteous God...how often I choose not to ponder that... So often I hear Christians say.."Oh, well, the Lord knows my heart, He knows I'm not trying to offend Him"..I just heard that this past week from someone in defense of using a pet word that they in their heart KNOW is wrong. I am guilty as well with using "Oh, the Lord knows my heart" in a pat way to justify something that I don't want to go to the Bible and check out....*sigh*

Are you struggling with anger? Do you "FEEL" the spiritual "licks of fire" around you? Was there a "life storm" that you are holding onto bitterness over? Is there a false belief that you fell into because of the influence of others? Are you vengeful, unforgiving? Do you lack compassion for your fellow Christians? Do you suffer from the pride of life sin? Many of these sins are sneaky and we are hesitant to acknowledge them, but in all seriousness, they open a very real door to spiritual torment. Saul must have suffered exceedingly...Judas destroyed himself- the torment was so great. Dear suffering Saint, go to the Lord, to His Word-He wants to restore you. Much love to you!

They See...

2008-05-03T13:01:00.002+13:00

...our true character.

"You want to mess up the minds of your children? Here's how - guaranteed! Rear them in a legalistic, tight context of external religion, where performance is more important than reality. Fake your faith. Sneak around and pretend your spirituality. Train your children to do the same. Embrace a long list of do's and don'ts publicly but hypocritically practice them privately... yet never own up to the fact that its hypocrisy. Act one way but live another. And you can count on it - emotional and spiritual damage will occur". -Charles Swindoll

Spidey

2008-05-03T12:30:00.003+13:00

...getting a midnight snack? This is what I found when I went to pour the kids cereal one morning...lol...dare I even ask? I have found "bad" baby dolls in the fridge and stuffed toys in the freezer...you just never know what you will find in this house.

Is There Anything More Beautiful

2008-05-02T17:23:00.005+13:00

to a searching and hurting heart than a timely Psalm?

Psalm 43:3-5

"O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles.

Then will I go unto the altar of God, unto God my exceeding joy: yea, upon the harp will I praise thee, O God my God.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, [who is] the health of my countenance, and my God."- I added bold -photo from wunderground

Homeshcool Update (LONG!)

2008-05-02T14:31:00.005+13:00

Feel free just to skim through or just post a question if you have one!

Just wanted to update you all on our homeschool this year...it is a challenge with 4 children who are VERY close in age. Believe it or not, though, there are some definite advantages to having children close when it comes to homeschooling...and when I find them out, I'll let you know- JUST KIDDING;) They are all within 4.5 years so their interests are pretty close for alot of things. They all love to sit and color, be read to, do puzzles and crafts...watch/ help me bake and do housework. They are all eager little helpers...even Ayden.

I use the Abeka DVD program, so if you have any questions please post them in the comments. Keep in mind, Brianna is only in 1st grade and so I am a new homeschooler :)

This a rough overview of our schedule

----The girls have chores before breakfast and Bible class. They all sit for Bible..this was a real challenge to train Ayden (who turned 2 in March) to sit for the class but totally worth it. He does not sit perfectly and I allow him to have a small toy or two for his fidgety little hands, but he "sings" along and picks up things from listening to the girls. I know he is a boy, (and a busy one at that) but teaching him to "sit" at an early age has been a blessing. I think it is easier too that he is the youngest and has 3 older sisters...the younger ones just follow suit if you have a good routine-at least in my experience thus far ;) That's not saying a whole lot is it! I know I post alot of our *disasters* but they really are, by God's Grace and Mercy, coming along well :) Lily who is 3 sits well...her attention wanders, but the routine is what is important. The first grade class has lots of songs with motions and the story is done using pictures...this is where having them all close in age is really good.

-----After Bible, Brianna continues with her class time while Ayden and Lily play in the play room. Anjolie sits in for phonics with Brianna. She has memorized phonics charts just by watching along with Brianna. I love the Leap Frog Letter Factory and put that on in the play room while Lily and Ayden play...Lily has learned some letter sounds this way and some recognition as well. Ayden calls any letter he sees "B" and it always says "cu" lol... ;)

-----Snack time! A break for everyone-outside if it is nice!

Brianna watches Arithmetic, Writing and Combinations on DVD. I many times must *pause* and repeat if they are using flash cards or a chart-or I pause it on a new chart and run through it with just Brianna so she doesn't get "lost". Anjolie works on some cursive, colors...she starts K-5 this fall, so I really want her schedule to be fairly relaxed until then...she begs for schoolwork each day, and I want her to be motivated at the start of the year.

----Lunch Time!! I try to prepare lunch as Brianna is finishing up class, but many times I am playing with, caring for the others... We take a short play break, and then Lily and Ayden go down for a nap ( I am adamant about them taking naps!) Anjolie (whom I am weaning off naps) has some special time with me and then she takes a nap as well, she still rarely misses a nap...

-----While everyone else is napping, Brianna does her worksheets...I tried having her do them along with her classes, but it worked best to just have her watch her classes back to back and then do paperwork back to back. Since it is quiet, we have some one on one time to go over and reinforce new concepts, but the videos are VERY thorough as long as the student is participating-they will learn it. I have had to start classes over because I caught a very distracted Brianna not participating :)

-----Brianna finishes classes and paper work around 2:30 if she starts at 9am (we aim to start at 8:30, but most times it ends up being between 9 and 10 which is my fault) and works at a fairly reasonable pace. :) I have her read to me intermittently throughout the day. Meal prep is a really good time for her to pull up the step stool and read to me. She reads the Abeka material, but currently she is also reading The Wind In The Willows with very little help from me. I continue to read to her so she can hear the speed and expression I expect...

Welcome!

2008-05-01T23:14:00.008+13:00

Come on in...the babies are down for a nap

I picked up all the morning's toys just for your visit....:) We recently got these "cranberry" couches..the photo doesn't do them justice...we needed some new couches before we move. It won't be so much red in a normal sized house with our coffee table and other furniture which is in storage back in the US...

Oh, moving on...Brianna who has just finished watching her classes, is working away on her school work and Anjolie is working on a water color masterpiece. I LOVE days like this...

Then Anjolie takes a little break outside before taking a nap of her own :)

Ahhhh if only every day went this smooth...

well, if that were the case, I would have nothing to blog! :P

*sigh* fleeting...is the time with my little ones...

Blast From The Past

2008-04-30T18:21:00.006+13:00

10 Years ago...sometime this week, I finished my enlistment in the Marine Corps. How ironic that I found this picture while cleaning out the closet a few days ago... amazing how in 10 years gravity has yanked the skin down on my face about an inch it seems! I was 23 in this pic.

I have very very mixed feelings when I look at this pic...thoughts of how I was successful by MC standards but so backslidden (ie, not walking with God as the saved Believer I was,) by His standards that I about lost my life in a car accident...it was nothing short of miraculous that I survived. Those of you that know me know this story :) this is more for those new readers and also those with whom I have recently reconnected with. This is a bit uncomfortable as well, for those of you who knew me from about 16 to 23 about 7 years...I was not living for the Lord and things just kept going from bad to worse. There is no depth to which even a Believer won't sink if they reject the Lord's leading and authority in their lives. I praise the Lord that He didn't let me slip too far...

I had just started terminal leave (leave that ends in honorable discharge) and my friend and I were traveling cross country from Ca to Alabama to get me to my parents home. I was to be married May 9th to the love of my life and highschool sweetheart, Brian. The second day into the trip, my friend had placed a tank of gas in the back and having just put the canvas cap on the top of the little Geo-Tracker, well, it trapped the fumes. We were asleep or unconscious within 20 minutes of heading down the road. The vehicle turned into the median at over 75mph rolling a total of 7 times down the highway-as was reported by someone from a vehicle behind us. My friend was ejected on the first hit and had to be airlifted out after arriving at the hospital. He had crushed some vertebra in his back and had a lengthy and painful surgery and recovery. At least one of my rings was crushed around my finger and glass had "grazed" my hands and face-but no stitches were needed which is unbelievable. Both my wrists and an ankle were broken, not crushed- the Drs said that the vehicle had rolled over on them!!! They have no explanation as to how I "walked away" from that type of accident. Even when we went to the place they towed the wreckage the guy unknowingly showed my dad and I the vehicle I had been in and said casually that [we] "they hadn't made it"! (Correct me if I'm wrong Dad!)

Each time I tell this story or reflect on it, I am so amazed and broken and humbled at the merciful God we have. The important part is this, even if the Lord had taken my life in the accident that day...at the moment that I "woke up", with my head under the steering wheel, leg out the window...frame of the car crushed so far down that they had to cut me out with the jaws of life -I was at perfect peace in knowing I was Heaven-bound. At that very moment I had not one smidgen not one inkling not a shadow of doubt that God, my Creator and His Glorious Heaven was 100% real. This was not just endorphins folks, but I will say, I felt almost no pain-which actually made me think I was indeed dying. I received no pain killer until I reached the hospital. I could not remember anything about who I was, or where I was going...for maybe an hour or two-can't be sure about that.

People who are dying and lost are afraid...they don't want to die because, they fear what they innately know to be...that there is a God and the truth is that a rejection of Christ's payment on the cross is a rejection of a debt free eternal life in Glory. Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin [is] death; but the gift of God [is] eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." I have heard the testimonies of Pastors at the bedside of those who are dying. The differences between the lost and the saved as far as assurance and peace (not to be mistaken with lack of physical suffering) is extreme. A dying Saint KNOWS where they are going. A born again Christian may suffer doubts...especially when they are not in the Word or due to other issues, and there were times in my life and have since the accident, times of false accusations by the evil one that caused me to doubt that I had truly by God's Grace believed and received Christ as my Lord and Saviour....but, in the up close and personal moment that I thought I was truly facing death, I KNEW-there was no doubt. I can whole heartedly say, the Lord is my Shepherd, and has been from the very day I surrendered my life to Him. There was no Pastor to pray with me or reassure me...I truly didn't need one...I had the Lord there with me in all His fullness! The only sadness I felt the entire time, was, when I did regain my memory and thought of the grief of my parents...and not wanting them to suffer loss...but there was no fear for myself, my soul.

Amazingly, this happened in Las Cruces, New Mexico. I found my salvation at the Cross and now a second chance to live for Him...at the Cross. I cried when I made the connection.

I don't know exactly what I experienced before I "woke up" in the wreck nor could I accurately put it into words...I kept telling my mom when I got home that there was something that I NEEDED to remember and wanted to tell, but alas it has been hidden from me. I will tell you in all honesty (and without the frills of a hazy memory)- that I experienced a touch, if you will, of Glory...and (as I have said before) however you want to take that is just fine, but I will also tell you with great confidence and tears and rejoicing that there is NOTHING to fear when you are truly a child of God. Not a worry, not a care when you are in His mighty hands and can't lift a finger for yourself. If He could hold such a wayward piece of filth as me in my wreck, I know He holds the dear suffering Saint, the sick child...the Pastor and his wife, the Missionary, the weary mom. Our sin doesn't in any way dilute His power to lift up His erring child if He so chooses. It doesn't seem fair does it...that all who trust in Him gain an inheritance, but we are all perfect IN CHRIST...Christ paid it all..none deserve it.

Romans 10:12 "For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him". To the Believer, it is our reasonable service to give Him our utmost our all...He purchased us with His Blood....to the lost, there is no other way but by Him and through Him.

Titus 3:5 " Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; "

2 Cor 5:21 "For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. "

I know that many of you are thinking, well, good for her, she found "religion" , or that I am just a hypocrite...but even if just one of you looks to Christ, then this is for you. So, as for you dear friend, acquaintance, random reader, if you were the one lying in the wreckage unsure if you were to live or die....would you be certain of where you would spend eternity? Would you lie there in the perfect peace I described above or would you be faint with fear knowing that you let opportunity after opportunity pass you by...you might have the chance at that moment with a repentant heart to call on Him to save you,.... but what if you didn't? Romans 10:13 "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." You can know for sure.

I'm not trying to be "ultra" spiritual or to say that I don't struggle even today...I do, I am still just a sinner saved by Grace and not of myself. There is no denying what God has done in my life and I feel obligated to share it..especially with those whom I have so badly hurt my testimony.

Don't Touch My Mustache

2008-04-29T12:08:00.002+13:00

Brian was telling me yesterday how to say "You're welcome" in Japanese. Well, I learned a little bit of movie trivia in the process. In Toy Story2, when Al (the guy who took Woody from the yard sale), hangs up the phone with the Japanese investor, he says "Don't touch my mustache." This refers to an English mnemonic for the Japanese phrase meaning "You're welcome": "Dou itashimashite." :) And, I just know you are SO glad I shared that with you.

Pizza In The Sky

2008-04-28T16:08:00.005+13:00

Since coming to Okinawa, we kept hearing about this "Pizza In The Sky" which is difficult to find and with little to no roadside directions. Well, we finally got directions and caravaned with 3 other couples to enjoy this quaint little hideaway...the food was great, the view, even better and of course the fellowship with Christians contributed to an absolutely wonderful evening.

Getting Understanding

2008-04-28T12:01:00.007+13:00

I should title this "A Rather LONG Confession of a Workaholic"...I say that with great shame.

Proverbs 4:7 Wisdom [is] the principal thing; [therefore] get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

Wisdom, to me, was learning that there is such blessing in serving the Lord in the local church....understanding came when I failed. Failed you say? Yes, failed, in applying wisdom without understanding. "Get understanding" is proving to be a point of such gravity that it will take my lifetime to scratch the surface of it's importance when acquiring wisdom. On that note, let me shuffle away from complex matters that I don't understand and move on to the most recent much needed disillusionment I experienced. I can't do it all and the motive for wanting to is a prideful one...wow, that's a "duh" statement huh? Count on me to make the "yoke" burdensome vice easy and light-not that we are freed from our reasonable service-I'm not saying that. The key is dying to myself and choosing HIS yoke not my own...that is where weariness came in. The yoke I chose without understanding is one of sin...under the guise of service, it is actually a yoke seeking to please others (myself) and steal glory from God..OUCH.

Matt 11: 28-30 Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew Henry wrote "The rest he promises is a release from the drudgery of sin, not from the service of God, but an obligation to the duty we owe to him. Note, Christ has a yoke for our necks, as well as a crown for our heads, and this yoke he expects we should take upon us and draw in. To call those who are weary and heavy laden, to take a yoke upon them, looks like adding affliction to the afflicted; but the pertinency of it lies in the word my: 'You are under a yoke which makes you weary: shake that off and try mine, which will make you easy.' "-(I added the bold)

I had the wisdom to know that I needed to be serving, but the understanding (of my real motives) came when I failed to serve with consideration to my children, and without proper planning and foresight. The understanding enlightened me to my sinful desire for praise from others which led to a continued burdening of myself...I just kept adding weight to my self-made yoke. This getting understanding has been a long time coming and with much chastisement for, not applying wisdom with understanding is a symptom of pride in my life.

My serving (being driven, not called) took on a life of its own ~apart from God, and left me so spent that I was not a blessing to my children, or my husband or my friends or even to the cause in which I was so fervently working to make a success. I need to remember that I am serving GOD....He is a God of order..when things get out of order and stressful and a burden, I need to look at who I am really serving-I need to take a look at whose yoke I'm bearing. You know it is bad when the people around you feel pained to look at you for the busyness you have put yourself under. ( I counted 4 "you"s in that last sentence...what a grammatical masterpiece this post is....lol)

My husband, I'm ashamed to say, had to quote this to me recently:

Proverbs 17:1 Better [is] a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices [with] strife.

Wisdom without understanding in serving, leads to strife. Just because there is a Sunday school position open doesn't mean that you are the one to fill it along with the other 1 or 5 ministries you are straddling to include your first ministry to your family...wisdom says to serve, yes, but you may serve better and show understanding of that wisdom by approaching that new couple that just joined the church (with your Pastor's permission) who has grown children and may need some encouragement to serve. Wisdom tells me that I should homeschool...understanding means that I will plan accordingly so that my homeschooling is the blessing it should be and not the "burden" that gets placed on the back burner or frantically crammed in even when I am terribly ill because my schedule is so tight. There is nothing wrong with breathing room in your schedule...understanding, which came through failure, tells me I NEED breathing room in my schedule. Abnormal business is a symptom of pride...and that hurts to admit.

I may think my motives are correct in my desire to serve others, but when tension is building in the home and the joy in serving my family is lost in the shuffle of doing the next big thing....I need to take a look at what I am being driven to do and what I am being called to do. God has not blessed what I am driven to do...only what I have been called to do. That is, ironically what my husband's Sunday School lesson was on yesterday. He also told me in a gentle way, that if homeschooling our children does not lead to MORE joy in the home than what we have had this past year, that he is going to have to put them in a Christian school. The realization that the privilege of homeschooling may be taken from us due to my lack of discernment or understanding in serving outside the home, is a sobering one, but it is a definite motivator to take off my own yoke and put on the one with a perfect fit...just my size because it is created by God in His infinite Wisdom and UNDERSTANDING of all things. Wisdom.... Proverbs 31 is a good start...as is Titus 2....wisdom that humbly must be applied with understanding. In my case, most of my understanding comes with disillusioning failure. Your thoughts?

Mother Daughter Luncheon

2008-04-26T13:51:00.002+13:00

So, it is that time of year again...and do you know that I was so busy planning and preparing last year that I did not take ONE pic? NOT ONE...I just want to cry...so calling all friends who attended the MD luncheon last year...did you take any pics? Do you know of anyone else who has pics? Please email them to me.

As for the rest of you...I will def. remember to take and post pics this year :) Our theme is
"Keeping Your Candle Lit" I am very excited because we don't have to prepare any of the food this year...we will be having it at the O'Club here on base. Please pray for this event! Ticket sales start tomorrow! This is to be my final "event" before leaving Maranatha *sniff* *sniff*...

7 Random Things About Me

2008-04-25T12:26:00.008+13:00

I saw Ash's meme and even though I don't like to do meme's, this one doesn't look too involved....

1. I hate letting people down....I mean, I REALLY beat myself up about it, but what I have failed to truly realize is this, that if I insist on keeping too much on my plate, I am going to let people down...duh...it's only been beaten over my head, but you know, I am blond...and love to be busy...learning people, I'm learning. Speaking of people....

2. I LOVE people, all kinds, I really truly do. The Lord has helped me to actually enjoy people's quirks and learn to laugh at them! I still get my feelings hurt, yes, but I get over pretty much anything very quickly. That's all good, but here's the thing-I get overwhelmed easily and prove to be a *wince* flaky friend if I get overwhelmed. Not that I cancel or wouldn't bend over backwards for someone, but if I feel like someone is doing okay...I think of them often, pray for them, but don't keep in touch. I eventually come around, but this is a definite flaw that I could do without.

3. I miss my long hair.

4. I am scared to death of my aging skin. I look back at pictures from 8 years ago that I used to be tempted to rip up, and now I look at them and just long for the smooth skin and the youth I once had. Notice I only long for the *skin*...one day we will be made perfect...I'm just impatient. 10 years from now I will look at my pictures from today and be thankful for the growth in the Lord, but long-just a little-okay alot- for the younger flesh. You know what else is sad, when I was in my early 20s, I would look at 30somethings and feel sorry for them because their youth was fading...I LAUGH at that now! Growing older, when walking with the Lord is such a comfort and joy!! It was wonderful to be twenty something, but life gets sweeter and fuller as we go.

5. I can't get rid of the notion that I am going to see the entire world before I die-or Christ returns. It is absolutely ridiculous that my mind works this way. When I read about a country or see pictures etc, in my mind, I file it away on my mental sort of conscious "to-do, to-see" list.

6. I love to dance...not in an ugly fleshly way...though I used to struggle in my 20s with dancing to bad music for wrong reasons and in wrong places -so much so that hearing certain music physically makes me ill-not that the temptation ever completely goes away...but anyway, I'm not talking about that...and rambling...uhhh too much coffeeeeee. So, just hold on a sec... I really believe that sin has so corrupted every aspect of what the Lord had planned for us. Our desire to move joyfully and in harmony to music is not an evil one, in my opinion- I am not sure if I can even express what I mean. Everything has a rhythm to it...when I am even cleaning my house and putting dinner on the table...you know, when the day has been Spirit filled and full of harmony...it is as if I am dancing...I am swept up with the melody of the moment even without hearing it. I love seeing my girls twirl and dance their sweet ballet as well... even this is a joyful part of life that when done in the right way is an expression of a joy filled life. I hope I conveyed my thoughts on this properly...

7. I love black licorice...hahaha