Friday, May 26, 2006
So...I Had a Meltdown Yesterday
Yes, it all just sort of came tumbling down. I think, I am just tired, sick, and spread a little thin,..did I mention sin filled?...So instead of being a Godly, loving and meek wife and mother yesterday...umm yeah. I was an irritable, yelling, mean, non-submissive wife and mother. It was awful, and the whole time I could hear His voice quietly reminding me that it was my choice to choose this route...it was my trial He lovingly allowed, my trial that I had asked for and prayed to grow from and I was trying to get through it on my strength and on my own terms...and you know what, we were ALL miserable from it. Yeah, of course I could point fingers, but the truth is as soon as I just stopped and stood up ( I was crumpled in a pitiful little ball crying...how ridiculous) and said I was sorry and asked forgiveness (from my husband). It was like a dominoe affect....my husband's heart immediately softened "...a kind word turneth away wrath". And the thing is, the Lord's strength was there the whole time just waiting for me to choose it...and I chose to use tears, guilt and blame as manipulation to get what I wanted...in hind sight I see this. In the midst of the situation, I was just thinking of how overwhelmed and miserable I felt and how it was everyone else's fault...how much I give to my family..blah puke puke blah. Notice all the "I"...amazing how blind I is huh? Guess I'm gonna go throught that test yet again *sigh* why can't I just LEARN!!
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4 comments:
WEll, sounds like your yesterday was the same as mine. UGH!!! It was awful. God is so wonderful to have so much grace with us, even when we are pitiful and mess up. I will be praying for you. (Actually, now that I think of it, you were on my mind yesterday, must be why. I did say a short "be with Heather" prayer.)
Again, it amazes me at how alike we seem to be, struggling with the same things at the same times.
Okay, I forgot this tidbit of inforamation. I was going to post about my episode, then I thought, "Oh I was awful, no one would want to hear about how awful I can be." Does that sound like pride or what. At any rate, I was also so emotionally drained, I couldn't bring myself to do anything except, read my devotional and say a prayer of repentance and go to bed.
Your post was great for me to hear. Not that I wish you to have days like that, it is just nice to know I'm not alone. And also how faithful God is to us. His grace is so amazing.
sorry for the long comment.
Love and prayers, Melissa
Thank you sooo much Melissa...you are such an encouragement.
love and prayers,
heather
I'm sure you ARE learning!
I actually had a day somewhat similar to that. Not the in-a-ball-crying part, but the rest of it!! My husband and I were both feeling that way!! It was a rough two days or so. Once I noticed it I STOPPED, as best I could, and as I say "pushed my joy button"! It worked. Today, two days later, Ross said he noticed and he really appreciated it. :) It made me feel warm and fuzzy. I felt like it was God rewarding me for being obedient. :)
(Sorry for the length, I know it's not the same as your situation, but I just TOTALLY identified with you and your plight!!)
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