Do You Ever...

Do you ever just stop and think about what is going on in your life in the very present? I mean just for a second, hit pause on your life...kind of like the special affect used in movies and commercials where everything is stopped mid-motion, but the actor is free to look and walk around. Imagine that, on a large scale, where you could see your children's lives, your spouse, your friends, -loved ones. As I hit pause, for just a moment, I see my husband probably almost asleep at the Staff Academy- now I think about the dreams I had of him being my knight in shining armor, I remember times where I should have encouraged and instead criticized- I write a note to myself, "treat and speak of my husband as my knight in shining armor- love him pray for him...always always lift him up and not tear him down". Next, I am in my children's bedrooms and, as I look at their angelic sleeping faces, I remember all the fun things I imagined we would do, how I promised never to yell in anger again, how I forgot to look at the picture one of them had drawn for me because I was too busy, how I have shushed them because I wanted to hear or read the news...in my mind's eye I can see their disappointed little faces as they quietly turn away and find something to do because mommy is just not interested. I remember tears that had gone undried, promises not yet kept- note to self, "list and prioritize my goals for my children, schedule the activities I want to share with them, make eye contact and listen". I think of people in ministries who I have been too busy to thank and encourage along the way- I imagine them as they probably stay up late cutting out pictures and studying lessons for the 3 year old's Sunday School class. How I, without a thought or care just toss the papers in the trash sometimes -I make a note to at least notice and appreciate the efforts of my fellow brethren. The truth is- I don't let people know enough that I appreciate them, that I notice when they are hurting, that I am praying for them, that there is so much more I would like to do to be a blessing to them...
The truth is- when I examine a "paused" past argument, I don't see love on my face, I see selfish desires and pride. I see a spouse who longs to be admired and respected.
The truth is- when I look at some of my motives for training my children -it is for self glory and not God's
The truth is-there is nothing good unless it has God written ALL OVER IT. I will never be a successful wife and mother unless God is at the reigns. My life will be filled with regret unless I allow HIM to direct my paths.
I wonder, if, when I release that pause button that I will make it a priority to heed my mental notes, or will I continue to put it off until...it wouldn't make a difference.