Fear....

...a remedy for an unbridled tongue. If there is something I pray regularly for forgiveness..it is for my tongue. And the truth is my tongue speaks what is in the heart...the Bible tells me this. Even though my words may not in themselves spew the anger, it is in my tone and on my face. "You drive me crazy!..I don't know what to do with you anymore...I give up...You are so clumsy, Grrrr grrr grrr" and many more phrases and groans and yells *sigh* It really is embarrassing. I'm like a grown up toddler throwing a temper tantrum if I am inconvenienced by my children or my husband or hurt by something probably imagined...
Psa 111:10 "The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do [his commandments]: his praise endureth for ever." The Lord answered a prayer for wisdom to overcome the sin which pours out in my words...it starts with a reverent fear. I was given that today as I studied the Judge Jepthah. I have read this account before, but I can't tell you how, the truth of the weight of words and how I will give an account for every word I speak, hit me today as never before. Past words spoken in anger came flooding back as I studied the account. I finished reading it in tears.
Judges 11:31,34-36,39 "And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands,Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD'S, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering...And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she [was his] only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back.And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her [according] to his vow which he had vowed..." Oh how my heart just aches when I read this today. Jepthah died in his sorrow over his words... I have said much worse..I am broken.

James 3:5-6 "Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue [is] a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell." boldness added for emphasis."... and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell." That is just...I don't even have words.

There is a full course meal given in these two verses alone that has moved my heart to be broken...and I know that I have not even scratched the surface. I am so thankful the Lord exposes sins that I have not taken seriously enough. Sure, I repent after angry words and tones, but I don't LOOK at it and see the "course" it sets that cannot be turned back! It hurts terribly to look at my sin in a true light, but God's grace is so good and His mercy will never fail me. I am so thankful. There aren't words for the sorrow I have concerning the weight of the words I have spoken over the years that I can never take back. Praise the Lord for the Wisdom given in my fear..may I have the understanding to do and say what is right today because I can't undo the "course of nature"-once the fire of a lose tongue is set -it burns and unfathomable damage is done to whatever it touches.