Getting Understanding

I should title this "A Rather LONG Confession of a Workaholic"...I say that with great shame.

Proverbs 4:7 Wisdom [is] the principal thing; [therefore] get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

Wisdom, to me, was learning that there is such blessing in serving the Lord in the local church....understanding came when I failed. Failed you say? Yes, failed, in applying wisdom without understanding. "Get understanding" is proving to be a point of such gravity that it will take my lifetime to scratch the surface of it's importance when acquiring wisdom. On that note, let me shuffle away from complex matters that I don't understand and move on to the most recent much needed disillusionment I experienced. I can't do it all and the motive for wanting to is a prideful one...wow, that's a "duh" statement huh? Count on me to make the "yoke" burdensome vice easy and light-not that we are freed from our reasonable service-I'm not saying that. The key is dying to myself and choosing HIS yoke not my own...that is where weariness came in. The yoke I chose without understanding is one of sin...under the guise of service, it is actually a yoke seeking to please others (myself) and steal glory from God..OUCH.

Matt 11: 28-30 Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew Henry wrote "The rest he promises is a release from the drudgery of sin, not from the service of God, but an obligation to the duty we owe to him. Note, Christ has a yoke for our necks, as well as a crown for our heads, and this yoke he expects we should take upon us and draw in. To call those who are weary and heavy laden, to take a yoke upon them, looks like adding affliction to the afflicted; but the pertinency of it lies in the word my: 'You are under a yoke which makes you weary: shake that off and try mine, which will make you easy.' "-(I added the bold)

I had the wisdom to know that I needed to be serving, but the understanding (of my real motives) came when I failed to serve with consideration to my children, and without proper planning and foresight. The understanding enlightened me to my sinful desire for praise from others which led to a continued burdening of myself...I just kept adding weight to my self-made yoke. This getting understanding has been a long time coming and with much chastisement for, not applying wisdom with understanding is a symptom of pride in my life.

My serving (being driven, not called) took on a life of its own ~apart from God, and left me so spent that I was not a blessing to my children, or my husband or my friends or even to the cause in which I was so fervently working to make a success. I need to remember that I am serving GOD....He is a God of order..when things get out of order and stressful and a burden, I need to look at who I am really serving-I need to take a look at whose yoke I'm bearing. You know it is bad when the people around you feel pained to look at you for the busyness you have put yourself under. ( I counted 4 "you"s in that last sentence...what a grammatical masterpiece this post is....lol)

My husband, I'm ashamed to say, had to quote this to me recently:

Proverbs 17:1 Better [is] a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices [with] strife.

Wisdom without understanding in serving, leads to strife. Just because there is a Sunday school position open doesn't mean that you are the one to fill it along with the other 1 or 5 ministries you are straddling to include your first ministry to your family...wisdom says to serve, yes, but you may serve better and show understanding of that wisdom by approaching that new couple that just joined the church (with your Pastor's permission) who has grown children and may need some encouragement to serve. Wisdom tells me that I should homeschool...understanding means that I will plan accordingly so that my homeschooling is the blessing it should be and not the "burden" that gets placed on the back burner or frantically crammed in even when I am terribly ill because my schedule is so tight. There is nothing wrong with breathing room in your schedule...understanding, which came through failure, tells me I NEED breathing room in my schedule. Abnormal business is a symptom of pride...and that hurts to admit.

I may think my motives are correct in my desire to serve others, but when tension is building in the home and the joy in serving my family is lost in the shuffle of doing the next big thing....I need to take a look at what I am being driven to do and what I am being called to do. God has not blessed what I am driven to do...only what I have been called to do. That is, ironically what my husband's Sunday School lesson was on yesterday. He also told me in a gentle way, that if homeschooling our children does not lead to MORE joy in the home than what we have had this past year, that he is going to have to put them in a Christian school. The realization that the privilege of homeschooling may be taken from us due to my lack of discernment or understanding in serving outside the home, is a sobering one, but it is a definite motivator to take off my own yoke and put on the one with a perfect fit...just my size because it is created by God in His infinite Wisdom and UNDERSTANDING of all things. Wisdom.... Proverbs 31 is a good start...as is Titus 2....wisdom that humbly must be applied with understanding. In my case, most of my understanding comes with disillusioning failure. Your thoughts?