Snap Shots

They just won't stop growing up.

Walle

Our church is memorizing two verses a week from 1John...so that by the end of the year we will have memorized the whole book. The kids and I practice at lunch time...today, I thought it would be neat to video our progress, but Ayden decided that being "Walle" was more fun- I thought so too. My voice is SO annoying in this...sorry!

Loving One Another

As moms we spend a lot of time picking up our little ones when they have fallen, wiping their tears, patting their backs...showing our love...the action of love. The tone of voice we use- our facial expressions, everything, is absorbed and interpreted in our little one's minds...they are being molded and formed, and belief systems are fast developing based upon our actions. I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly side of me, in my children...but what is most beautiful, and gives the greatest amount of hope, is seeing God work in my children's lives and blessing, in spite of me.

Today, as the children played, I stood and watched from a distance as Lily fell from her bike. I could tell that she wasn't hurt badly, but she was hurt enough that she was crying...so I waited just a second to see...and yes, her sisters came and helped set her up and loved on her and patted her to make sure she was okay. All arguments and hurts from the past played no part when it came to helping their sister in need. Lily didn't push them away and ask for mommy, as she would have done in past years, she blessed the hearts of her sisters in allowing them to love on her and help her up. My heart was so full in that moment. Love...in action..what an amazing and mysterious work God has provided that gives testimony to the nature of Christ! Seeing that display of love between sisters was even better than if I had gone to comfort her myself...and I couldn't help but think that was a touch of how God feels when He sees us as Believers, loving one another. Sure, He can come and set us up when we fall, and He does...but how much sweeter for all when He works in and through us....how it must bless Him to see His love displayed before Him and what a blessing to able to be a vessel used to comfort and love a sister in Christ.

1 John 4:12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.

picture from all posters.com

The Sickies

I think that's what we are going to change our names to because for the last couple of months...it seems we have been hit with one bug after the other! The Dr's office wants to cram my kids full of antibiotics...which, I agree, sometimes they need it...but it's like, not even worth the appt anymore, why not just make them OTC. At the rate they are giving them out-it sure would free up the Dr's office...for those of us, well, maybe it's just me, who are convinced our children are, you know "dying".

Anyway, (I LOVE that transition word...shows my lack of want to think), poor Brian just ran out to Wallyworld to get some ear drops for Brianna who is up there in her room crying about her ear. I though I'd take this moment to...blog and let you know that if you put dry rice in a sock and heat it up (carefully as it continues to heat up after removed from the nuke) in the microwave, it makes a wonderful soothing compress for a sore ear. We still got the homeopathic ear drops...as I really don't want to run out at 2 am and get them...and now I totally lost my train of thought. No surprise there...I hear Brian attempting to get the drops in...I'd better help. Pray for my little sickies please!

The Babe's Alive

Brian and I had a tough time deciding what Christmas gifts to get for the kids this year. We were not real impressed with much of what they have out there and the ones we were impressed with, we could not afford. Well, it came time to pick a "big" gift for Lily and when I saw that little Baby Alive over there was 50% off at R US, I couldn't resist. "How cute!" I thought...Lily was such a big help when it came to potty training Ayden and here is a doll that eats and goes #1, #2 in her very own little potty...wow, this would just thrill Lily! I had such cute little pictures in my mind of Lily lovingly feeding and changing the little talking, blinking, giggling, sweet looking doll that I really didn't think much further than that.

Christmas came and the Baby Alive..."Cherry" as Lily named her was all the rage. What I didn't realize is that this thing needs to be potty trained...like, that's the novelty of it. Well, Lily ran out of diapers for the baby like, that. day...those things had about the absorbency of a band aid and little Cherry didn't "make it" to the potty at all that morning.
"I need to go potty", Cherry would say...only to say "ooops I had an accident" like 2 seconds later...*sigh* . Lily left Cherry on the floor and when Cherry gave me the warning...I snatched her up and raced to find her potty...COME ON, I just got done training Ayden, I was not about to train a doll!! So, the kids fed Cherry at her every complaint of thirst and she peed on Lily, Ayden and Brianna and Anjolie...which always resulted in a mess for me and squeals of laughter from the kids. This was NOT FUN, this was some cruel joke by the toy company. I wonder how many of them just sit at home and *laugh* at us poor moms racing these "babies" to the "potty". Insanely, I let Lily feed the thing "food" that came with it, which was a REAL mess as Cherry informed "I made a stinky"...and stained her dress *grrr*. Then as if all this wasn't bad enough, Lily put Cherry down for a nap and Cherry wet my sheets....as I cleaned little Cherry up, I noticed that someone had "fed" Cherry some of their dinner...penne pasta. So, I had to clean out Cherry's plumbing so she didn't grow mold *ahem* Finally, since Cherry wasn't getting much use out of her potty, I guess Ayden decided he would....YES MA'AM he did...needless to say, Cherry is on vacation now and won't return for at least a few months!

I'm Praying For You

I have *several* friends at the moment who have entered into the fellowship of Christ's suffering....I am praying for you.

Oh, To Be Real

"Pictures of perfection...make me sick and wicked"~Jane Austen

Not that everyone has to go around bearing their soul about every last detail of their sin...but some sense of reality would be nice! I'm not really talking about what people display but what I am willing to "see" and believe. There have been so many wonderful ladies in my life who have tried to steer me in the right direction on this...*real* women. Their voices ever ring in my head, the scriptures they lifted up have been used in many a battle. I am disgusted with the ever envious desire-the ravenous never satisfied appetite to be perfect...not by God's standards and in His time, but I have such a desire "feel" good about myself. I want to KNOW that what I am doing is good and right. Instead of accepting God's plan...I jump on my own fast-track to appearing, feeling "perfect". What a joke. No one is righteous apart from God.

So, this is the thing, I start out with a good desire...to set a good example for my children, to be pleasing to my husband, to promote peace and order in the house and I move along in God's time until...I see someone else who "appears" to "really" have it together and my pride stumbles me and stomps me into the ground and causes me to "drive" toward *that* mark that I saw which was only a glimpse of a moment of someone else's life. I turn my eyes away from God and toward some other goal that leads to destruction.

What started out as a good desire was foiled by comparing myself with someone else. Paul warns us not to do this -2 Corinthians 10:12,17. So now, I've stumbled and I justify myself in saying that I never want to be "ahead" of anyone...I just want to "blend in" with the fellow saints. Yeah, blend in, with 4 kids ages 2.75 to 7. It is really a disease that has spread a desire to blend in with looks as well. Most of you know of my discontentment with my nose...it so doesn't blend and drives me to distraction, though I do have a sense of humor about it :) If someone snubs me (rather, *appears to*) I automatically assume it must be because I'm not good enough. Ridiculous huh? Now I've gone on to falsely accuse the Brethren...and get bitter about things I have imagined! Even if it was true- God is who matters.

I better wrap this little rambling up and continue with our school day...but, Oh, to be REAL, my spirit longs for this, and for me, it will come with contentment. Being content with what God has for me now in every way. Lord, help me to be content, to not be a false accuser, to remember..it's NOT ABOUT ME and only concerned with pleasing you.

Totally RANDOM

I love to make homemade pizza but have always been disappointed with the canned pizza sauce...I discovered that adding a couple of Tbs of pesto makes a WORLD of difference. Alllllrighty then :) on with the day!

The Lonely Lie

Is there any worse feeling than loneliness? When I am in the valley, I am attacked with such an utter feeling of being isolated and alone...it feels like I'm choking. I am so glad that is just a lie from the evil one...not reality.

Job had to feel alone...though surrounded by the wagging tongues of well-meaning friends. I think I have spent more time on the "well-meaning but worthless" advice side than on the suffering side, I'm afraid.

"Even to day [is] my complaint bitter: my stroke is heavier than my groaning. Oh that I knew where I might find him! [that] I might come [even] to his seat!I would order [my] cause before him, and fill my mouth with arguments.I would know the words [which] he would answer me, and understand what he would say unto me.Will he plead against me with [his] great power? No; but he would put [strength] in me.There the righteous might dispute with him; so should I be delivered for ever from my judge.Behold, I go forward, but he [is] not [there]; and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold [him]: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see [him]: But he knoweth the way that I take: [when] he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot hath held his steps, his way have I kept, and not declined. Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary [food]." Job 23:2-12

It's comforting to know the end of Job's story-to know God was with him, on his side the entire time. Sometimes it makes me want to "fast forward"...to Glory when all will be made clear. My heart *deeply* aches for those I know who are suffering and I am reminded constantly to pray.

Back On Milk

"Of the seven deadly sins, anger is probably the most fun. To lick your wounds, smack your lips over grievances long past, roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontation still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain your are given and the pain your are giving back-is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you" -Frederick Buechner

I never thought of myself as a selfish person...much less an idolater, a luster after fleshly things...but I am. From May 22, 2001, until about a year and a half ago, I walked the floors with babies...I cleaned and scrubbed myself silly, sometimes went a week on a few hours of sleep due to sick children...so, in my mind, any time left over was MINE to use how I saw fit, and I guarded that time ferociously. Oh, I would make sure I read my Bible and prayed and gave of what I counted as MY time to Him...which made me, in my eyes, that much more holy and righteous. I loved serving in church with any extra that I had and then some- anything to "feel" right. During all this I still suffered from what I would classify as major PMS, depression, headaches, achines, nervousness, fears about assurance. Over the past year, add to that list: extreme irritability, suspicions and yelling. I felt so ashamed and guilty each time I would yell at the kids or sometimes even Brian out of frustration and would beg both their forgiveness and God's only to fall back into the habit the next week if I had reached my limit of...inconvenience.

Where in the world had this started? When did I go off track? I'm not sure. Long ago, I noticed that my first thoughts when I would get angry were not thoughts aimed at my children, but at my husband! "If he would help me more" I would think or "He has it SO easy!"...I also noticed that I had alot of anger aimed at myself as well- as if my wrath somehow sufficed as punishment for the way I acted. Both of these were symptoms of wrong belief systems in which I was God-playing. Sure, I had what the Bible said and my "universe" that centered around me mimicked a God centered life...only I had really kicked God off the throne of my heart and replaced Him with myself. Pretty scary situation. Now, what made it extra hard was that my belief system called for alot of tolerance, so the Lord really had to allow some very *big* inconveniences in which I prided myself in repressing my anger, along with lots of "the little things"at home in which I would pout and simmer and eventually yell...to draw out the ugly idol in my heart-so I could see it. Oh, the damage it has done, but God is the Master Physician especially when it comes to "heart disease".

My problem was going to need a specialist, and praise the Lord, He is thorough. It has not been easy to keep "me" on the throne- I fought for it. To start really seeing what was going on, I had to do some serious heart digging and listening to what my flesh was screaming for whenever it was offended so that I could trade that wrong desire or belief that I was owed something- for His desire and remember that I am a living sacrifice. I had created my own set of standards instead of God's standards...I started taking back more and more time and convenience for myself that I deep down believed had always been mine. I felt justified after ALL I HAD GIVEN...yep, that was the core belief. It had snuck up on me...I tried eliminating what I thought were distractions in my life...like the computer, tv, and I thought I was making progress. These were all efforts of my own strength trying to rid myself of a problem that wasn't a time management problem, but a self idolatry problem. Every effort of sacrifice just that much more contributed to the ugly monster of self worship since it was done in my own strength in an effort to make ME feel and sometimes look better for MY honor and glory-not God's.

Anyway, I wish I could write something concise at this point which would help anyone reading this who either struggles with anger (both concealed and unconcealed) but as the title says, I am back on "milk" concerning this. The book "Uprooting Anger" by Robert Jones has been a tremendous help...especially since I was reading it alongside "Don't Make Me Count To Three" by Ginger Plowman and the book of James, Proverbs...they have helped keep the issue on the forefront and struck fear into my heart-which was much needed. I am still praying and truly have the fear of the Lord in my concerning the deadliness of this sin...but I know that I am still like a baby...just emerging in having my revealed belief system turned upside down.

God is so good and has encouraged me by bringing such a sense of peace to the house. Not that the kids still don't make messes or fight or that things don't offend my convenience and self-glory seeking flesh, believe me the Lord is providing opportunity after opportunity for me to *see* what really lies in my heart so that I can confess it and give it to Him. I do feel as if I have dropped a huge burden that I have obviously carried for a long time. My prayer is that this would be a help to someone somewhere -you can have a joy that is full, you can have peace. :)

Redeeming The Time

As you can tell, we are now able to get our pictures off the camera which makes posting more fun :)

Wow...what a year. I find that the only time I feel sad about another year passing, whether it be one of the children's birthdays or ...the new year, is when I know I didn't do my best to redeem the time to the Lord's honor and glory. When I purposefully live *in* each and every moment...nothing is wasted. I find myself looking backwards and filled with regret rather than looking forward and filled with satisfaction when I have not done my best. Friends and loved ones have urged me to embrace the "season" I am in-I am learning more and more that if I don't do this very thing, I will be filled with an empty longing and regret for oppurtunities wasted and gone. Oh how I want to enjoy each and every gift from above this next year.

I am embracing today and purposefully looking forward to whatever the Lord holds for me tomorrow. May I dedicate each and every day to Him that I may experience the fulness of joy found when I keep Him first in my life and walk in the ways He has revealed in His Word.

New Years Eve Baby

My Sister's Wedding

This post is in DRASTIC contrast to the one below...whew!

I thought my sister was nuts when she asked that all 4 of my little ones be a part of her special day...I was flattered, yes, but worried...Brianna was to be a Jr Bride'smaid, Anjolie and Lily were the flower-girls and Ayden...the ring-bearer. I was thrilled to be the Matron of Honor.

The kids all did great...even Ayden when it came to the ceremony. The people at the venue coordinating and helping with the wedding said that Ayden was the youngest "functional" ring-bearer they had ever seen in their facility :). I was a proud mama when I saw that little guy lock eyes with me and walk down the aisle with his little pillow just as if he'd done it a thousand times before. Now, the rest of the night was a bit of a challenge as this was an evening wedding, but in the important moment, Ayden rose to the occasion.

I'm having trouble labeling these pics sorry...enjoy! (btw...do you know anyone needing jr bridesmaid or flowergirl dresses for a wedding?-for free of course to my blog buddies on my list)








Belle's of the Ball...