"Pictures of perfection...make me sick and wicked"~Jane Austen
Not that everyone has to go around bearing their soul about every last detail of their sin...but some sense of reality would be nice! I'm not really talking about what people display but what I am willing to "see" and believe. There have been so many wonderful ladies in my life who have tried to steer me in the right direction on this...*real* women. Their voices ever ring in my head, the scriptures they lifted up have been used in many a battle. I am disgusted with the ever envious desire-the ravenous never satisfied appetite to be perfect...not by God's standards and in His time, but I have such a desire "feel" good about myself. I want to KNOW that what I am doing is good and right. Instead of accepting God's plan...I jump on my own fast-track to appearing, feeling "perfect". What a joke. No one is righteous apart from God.
So, this is the thing, I start out with a good desire...to set a good example for my children, to be pleasing to my husband, to promote peace and order in the house and I move along in God's time until...I see someone else who "appears" to "really" have it together and my pride stumbles me and stomps me into the ground and causes me to "drive" toward *that* mark that I saw which was only a glimpse of a moment of someone else's life. I turn my eyes away from God and toward some other goal that leads to destruction.
What started out as a good desire was foiled by comparing myself with someone else. Paul warns us not to do this -2 Corinthians 10:12,17. So now, I've stumbled and I justify myself in saying that I never want to be "ahead" of anyone...I just want to "blend in" with the fellow saints. Yeah, blend in, with 4 kids ages 2.75 to 7. It is really a disease that has spread a desire to blend in with looks as well. Most of you know of my discontentment with my nose...it so doesn't blend and drives me to distraction, though I do have a sense of humor about it :) If someone snubs me (rather, *appears to*) I automatically assume it must be because I'm not good enough. Ridiculous huh? Now I've gone on to falsely accuse the Brethren...and get bitter about things I have imagined! Even if it was true- God is who matters.
I better wrap this little rambling up and continue with our school day...but, Oh, to be REAL, my spirit longs for this, and for me, it will come with contentment. Being content with what God has for me now in every way. Lord, help me to be content, to not be a false accuser, to remember..it's NOT ABOUT ME and only concerned with pleasing you.
11 comments:
there is so much to this. I think we all fall short in this area. I think it for me, is wanting Christianity, not a form what I call *churchianity*....I have had a few REAL friends in my life...and I tell you, those are the ones that I ultimately know I can trust. I will say Heather, we are in the process and isn't it wonderful that the Lord knows our heart and cuts right through when necessary and also brings comfort, through others and especially HIS WORD..sure helps me to get things back in focus....when I get my eyes off of my stupid self.....oh that old FLESH...
Deby
You are blogging again! I have slipped over a few times to see you and haven't found anything new. I'm so thankful to have you back!
I'll be here regularly again! Love you
D
Dear Sweet Heather...already with a HEART like yours..GOD is pleased. A humble and contrite heart is all he wants..one of submission to His will and to be ready and willing. I think you do. I think you are REAL. Be yourself dear Saint and know that you are contributing so much to the testimony of our LORD by letting Him work that perfection...day by day in you. I like what my husband says..We are ALL ...diamonds...in the rough! After 34 years saved..."He's still workin' on me"...I plan to post on "seasons" of a Christian's life...you must be in one of them now. Wait patiently, trust...and be yes, content in who God has made you, how he has made you and rest in Him.
I think you are beautiful..and I think your husband must think so too..he married YOU! Nose and all!
Hugs sweet friend...
HOPE (forgive me for the long comment)
Heather, I wish I had time to leave a "real" comment. I just wanted to say that I love you and I so appreciate you. You are such a treasure!
Heather,
I'm glad you've started posting again. I've been reading your blog for about 1 year and I enjoy it. This post describes my flesh to the 't'. I pray that my flesh doesn't get in the way of God's will for my life! Thank you for your transparency.
Thank you for the encouragement:) *sigh* I'm so glad I can just sort of let it all out on here and worry about what you think later ;)...Isn't God is so patient? I hope to be around to "visit" with you all later! I am trying to (don't laugh) use the computer in moderation...okay, I chuckled, but I'm serious!
Heather, God has put "perfect" people in my life, the ones who seem truly perfect anyway. I have tried to teach my girls to be themselves, don't be different at church than you are at home. It takes to much energy to adopt a persona for a situation. I won't say I am 100% comfortable with myself cause I'm not, I am and will continue to be a work in progress. After almost 22 years of marriage I find things to improve on ALL the time in being a wife. Thank goodness that both God and Wade and the girls love me, warts and all. Satan would have us to believe we are not good enough that we should fit into a certain personality or a certain way of doing things but there is GREAT peace in knowing we can all do things differently but still end up with the results we want. Praying for you and I am VERY happy to read your blog again...
It is hard not to compare ourselves to others. I constantly have to remember that it is Jesus who is to be my role model, not so and so that seems to have it all together. There is no such thing as a perfect person, just those that hide 'it' better. Which is sad. I don't believe we should all go airing our dirty laundry, but oh the freedom to share a pain or short coming in hopes of our fellow Christians taking it before the Lord and the Lord only!
Heather, your last several post have been great. I love the way you express yourself.
Enjoy the day and those precious kids you got!!!
Heather,
That is such a great post! I too have fallen into this need to compare myself to others as well! I have tried to have the perfect house, kids, school work, and body.(Yeah that body part, not going ever happen!) When I do this, God ALWAYS humbles me by having someone come over when my house is not tidy, my kids act horrible durring Mass(like lifting up a tooshie to toot or burping), getting your body measured and weighed in front of your personal trainer. The list goes on! The one thing I have learned is that the people we think have it perfect are really the ones who don't really don't. They struggle like the rest of us and beg for God's mercy. I guess we see what we want to. That is what our society has taught us. I still think we all should take pictures of our dirty house, the dinner that burned or the school "craft" that didn't go over to well and post them on our blogs! I think we all could use a piece of "humble pie" once and awhile!
Blessings!
:) Y'all are SUCH a blessing...I have missed my blog-fellowship.
Funny how what other people think is so important to us. Its hard to remember that the one who's opinion really matters is God. So fortunate we are that he is so merciful, patient, and has promised " he that hath began a good work in us will perform it unto the day of Jesus Christ."
Thankyou for your post. It was a good reminder for me.
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