Manna-and a decision

...the Children of Israel were given manna- a thin wafer which was said to taste like a mixture of oil and honey...I learned both have been used to represent the Holy Spirit. Why did they get sick of it? Well, they ate it for longer than what it was intended ..they were to go into the land flowing with milk and honey...Canaan was theirs, but they had to be willing to posess it. They started to long for the cucumbers and onions and garlic of Egypt...because that was all they knew. Their wilderness experience was marked with complaining when they refused to move forward in faith. Most of the complaining immediately followed a huge revelation from God..ie crossing the Red Sea, Manna given, quail given, water from rocks, the bitter water of Marah made sweet etc.. They, after given assurance after assurance of God's love and care were not willing to stretch themselves for a promise God had given. They were willing to settle and then complain about just being sustained. I have been in that wilderness where the Lord has done many wonderful things in my life, but when it is time for me to step out in decided faith...I tremble and willingly sit in my circumstances. I still, after the countless times of experiencing God's faithful love and mercy, question and accuse Him of not wanting what is best for my life. I do that when I don't move...I hesitate..."do you really love me God?" that is truthfully what my hesitation speaks to Him. I then start to complain about "just making it" and not living full and victorious on the Lord's all sustaining grace. I am not willing to go forward into the unexplored territory of my walk to experience the fullness of the Christian walk. Why? I think I am afraid of pain, loss, hurt that I assume it requires ...which is a slap in the face to my Loving Heavenly Father, I am a fool, He does not send these things upon me to discourage me. Anything allowed to come into my life is with His express permission, and I can have every confidence that I can in some way benefit from it. I can have peace if I acknowledge Him in all my ways as Prov 3 so clearly instructs. My heart trembles at the thought of giving myself over to a trust like that...but it is very necessary. Who am I to hold on to a life which is not my own. I must commit NOW, while the Holy Spirit calls and not wait for loving chastisement. If not now, how soon will it be before I look back to my old ways and allow my sin nature's craving to penetrate my thoughts. Yes, now is the time to lay my will on the alter...whatever the cost my Lord...I am yours. No longer will I be satisfied with walking in what is comfortable...I want the land of milk and honey.