Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Do You Ever...

hold on so tight inside that it almost feels like you are shaking? I feel like that sometimes...gripping truth with all I've got...just holding on to the fact that the Lord WILL sustain me...and I'm holding on as if that truth could some how run off without me. It's not the big things that end up shaking me to the core. It's the overwhelming sense of loneliness in the everyday situations. For the big things, I do have plenty of support and know I have friends I can call on and family if they are needed. But, in the moments of every day *stuff* the fighting and crying and laundry, the leaky garbage disposal, the toilet that won't stop running...you know, just normal *stuff* to include the recent sick stuff, I suddenly find myself feeling very alone and tense and clinging... But finally, the Lord brings to mind that it's not me that is holding on to the truth, it is the truth within that is holding me...as if I'm gonna run off without IT. Then, I have to physically force my body to relax and my lungs to breath and just REST in that. He's got it...He's got me...I just have to relax and go with it.

Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live: and let me not be ashamed of my hope. Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe: and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.
Psalm 119:116-117

5 comments:

Pam--in Estonia said...

I'm glad you're learning to relax and rest on Him. You'll continue to be in my prayers, Heather!

~~Deby said...

YES...yes...after my continuing life changes due to health problems and pain....I feel like sometimes I am holding on with just the tips of my fingers...and like you then realize..it is indeed that the Lord is holding me..from underneath...and the prayers of others are surrounding me...and upholding me too...and it makes it easier..but it is all a process isn't it...
hugs,
Deby

missy said...

Oh how I know that feeling of not being able to breathe deeply, not being able to relax my legs or arms...almost imperceptible panic so constant you aren't really aware of it, until you are.

Good word today. Need it so badly.

Kimberly said...

Loving you and praying for you.

Brian said...

I love you honey.

I have been trying to call you. I left a message after being disappointed by the greeting of your voice mailbox. Unfortunately for me, I have to put my name on a roster and wait to be called when a phone is available. I have had to wait a long time the last two days. I will try again tomorrow. I love you. Keep your chin up sweety, almost there.

Your loving husband,
Brian