Monday, February 08, 2010

That Place (a smattering of thoughts)

It's where I search, wait, pray and wonder. Is it me? It has to be me, mostly...or in part, at least. How did I get here? How did I get out of here last time? Is it bitterness? Is it disobedience? Both, I'm afraid...sometimes. But this time? It *has* to be a bad place...right? He wouldn't want me here...or would He? Is this my island or my wilderness where I will "see" what He wants me to do? My Patmos? Or, are the depths really swallowing me up for my hardness of heart or, is it too much emotion?...both? Why do things look so blurry? I WANT to see!..or do I? Flat, I feel flat and gray. Verses flood my mind and I just hold on to them like playing a hand...trying not to drop them for the enemy to see. Oh, when will He come and lead me from this place? Patience, I must have patience in the valley. Surely, someone else is here that would understand, but everyone is just smiling and waving like they don't see, can't see....won't see? But they are lonely. I know they are, because they tell me so. Maybe *I* won't see. I have nothing to comfort them with so I just tell them to wait. I feel defeated, like I can't keep up with it all, like it's too late, but it's a lie. HE has overcome. Waiting, praying searching wondering...doing the first things. I know He is with me even in "that place" where I am tempted to think I am all alone. I KNOW the mountaintop is just around the bend and I will be disappointed in my lack of patience. Help me Lord. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help..


Pam--in Estonia said...

Dear Heather... I'm afraid that I'm in that valley with you right now. I wish I knew of more comforting words to offer you, but all I have is, "I will pray for you". Maybe we can give a leg up to each other and get ourselves up on that mountaintop together.

I live IN Jesus said...

Dearest Heather-
Aren't the valleys SO all consuming with the shadows of "those" huge mountains looming above us?! I TOTALLY despise them(in my flesh), but when I come through having to lean HEAVILY on my precious saviour, I am ALWAYS amazed at the gunk that He shaves away with His honing....Believe me when I say I know the valley too....Cling to Jesus Christ, bear your very soul and cry out without holding back, He wants you to. In your weakness He is shown strong and it will be Him who is glorified!!!!

I will be praying for you, my sweet friend. God will show you everything that you need to know.

God bless you! Truly trials work patience and patience perseverance...

Sarah T

mholgate said...

Sweet Heather, when I am in that place I read Isaiah 40 over and over again.

I especially cling to verse 11..."He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

Praying with you,

Mishel said...

You are *so* not alone, my friend. It's in the valleys that the Lord shows Himself to be TRUE and REAL. The valleys are lonely, no doubt. But it's there that I have known the presence of the Lord like never before. It's not about people, movements, preferences,ect... it's simply about Jesus...and clinging to Him and Him alone.

I love you friend. And I am praying for you.

Leah said...

Heather, you have such an amazing way with words. I "visit" you from time to time and am sad when you haven't posted. I too have been in the valley for what seems like forever (several years) but I still see many blessings too. I know that flat feeling, of just "existing" and I know that is not the life my savior has for me. I'll be praying for you. I would venture to guess just by your posts, we are alot alike. ((((Heather))))

Heather said...