Monday, May 12, 2008

Training Them Up

...to be accusers of the brethren. We see it all the time don't we? Scary. From time to time I like to read the articles at No Greater Joy Ministries. Note that I don't agree 100% with everything that is taught, but there are many many good things I have learned in reading the Pearls' material. The articles are many times convicting but also encouraging- I can count on them to give me a fresh perspective. The question and answer session I read today addressed a situation that I see alot...in my own home as well, unfortunately.


"My 8-year-old daughter tells me everything. My husband heard her telling about some things that happened at church and he said it sounded like gossip. How can I encourage her to tell it without her engaging in gossip?"
"Many mothers establish emotionally intense bonds with their children by encouraging "telling all." The "all" the child learns to tell is how bad everyone else's children are and how he alone choose righteousness. Tiny details, such as the other child’s expression or attitude are discussed as well as "why do you think they...?" It is amazing how fast a small child can become subtle in knowing when to leave out or add a word, a phase, an expression, an emotion, or an opinion, thus changing the whole color of what really happened. Once this habit is established it is very hard for mother to see the deception that is so apparent to others. By your eagerness to hear the tale and respond you are encouraging the child into being an "accuser of the brethren."..... Never develop a "them and us" attitude. Don’t lead your daughter to feel superior to others. You should be sad when you hear of the failure of others. Discuss with your daughter ways to help the bad situations. Never allow your daughter to feel a closeness to you by tattling on others. If she emotionally profits from running others down, she will keep doing it even to the point of lying. " You can read the rest HERE.

9 comments:

Happymama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Happymama said...

Whew! That was good. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!

~Kristi

Heather said...

Happy Mother's day to you Kristi, still praying btw :)

CONNIE'S THOUGHTS FROM THE HEART said...

Heather, you are right. I have seen this in my lifetime. It is a very hurtful and bad habit that follows some children into adulthood if not taught differently. May your week be one that brings you much satisfaction. connie from Texas

Heather said...

Thank you Mrs Connie..I pray your week goes well also!

missy said...

This is a hard one for me! My daughter is nine and just starting to see bully behavior and it bothers her so much that she shares it with me later. I try to keep it on a learning level, explaining why kids bully and how we should respond to them...but now that I've read this I see that it could be a problem. Honestly, I've not thought of it as potentially having a gossip tone until now, sadly.

I want her to come to me with all worries and issues, but I need to make sure I'm getting the whole story and maintaining the appropriate tone and attitude while dealing with it. Thank you so much for quite a thinker today!

Dawn said...

I don't think we've met! I love having new visitors, and always wonder how they arrive at my place. Thanks for coming over 0 and please come again! You should visit my daughter, "Kristen, at Mama's So0Called Life (you can find her on my comments) - she has four little girls 5 and under, and a stepson, 10. Busy mamas!

My son has hand, foot, and mouth disease when he was little. Had never heard of it before then!

Heather said...

Missy-it is hard for me too...but what really hit home was not making it a "them and us" situation. I try to remind my daughters of how they have bad days and how they mistreat one another...I try to focus on the behavior and not the person. This is something that I am just starting to deal with...praise the Lord they have yet to learn how to "gain an advantage" by comparing themselves with others...it will come, I'm sure.

Mrs Dawn :) I have seen you *around* lol...I will be sure to visit your daughter! Thanks for stopping by!

liz said...

I have read that article and even though I have yet to deal with a situation like that, it was very eye opening. I hope I remember it and react the right way whenever that situation comes up.