Friday, October 03, 2008

When It Rains-On The Inside

This is "where I'm at", as of these past few days. I have a nagging feeling, one that I guess could be described, by some, as depressed, but I hate that word-I don't find it anywhere in the Bible. "Troubled" would be a better word, it has more hope because the Bible has answers for a troubled heart. A Biblical definition for depressed would be "sorrow without hope" and Praise the Lord, that is NOT the situation! Yes, "troubled" is the best word because it refers to being afflicted with trials. The fact that my emotions are over-reacting does not mean that my trials are bigger than God, it does not mean the Lord has not met my needs-I find that my emotional reactions exaggerate my situation-out of habit. I could go my Dr and ask for something to "take the edge off" these feelings I have trained myself to have...or I could discipline my thoughts and my emotions will follow...eventually. I know, in my case, the latter solution is what the Lord would have me do.

This move and just life in general has held trial after trial in which I can see blessing after blessing-the blessings have been overwhelming, to be honest. We are still enduring some trials and even in these trials, I see the Lord's purpose and provision, so why do I allow undisciplined thoughts to rage against what I know in my heart to be true? It is frustrating to suffer troubled feelings because I have given in to angry thoughts-which I justify because it would seem I have a "right" to be angry for myself and my "suffering". You know, I might have the "right" by the world's standards, but the Lord in His wisdom has allowed these sufferings and if I don't respond in my heart the way my head (in reminding me of the Word) tells me too- with longsuffering and patience, I am only hurting myself. I am choosing to suffer that "trouble" which He has spared me. His Word ever reminds me of His love and care, His Grace, His mercy and His attempts to comfort me with His promises of never leaving or forsaking me have been thwarted with my resolve to "dip in" to the angry thoughts that I think I have a right to. "Oh, just a few indulging thoughts followed by how good God is to me shouldn't cause to much damage" I think to myself. Well, now here I sit in a beautiful garden, of sorts, not really being able to enjoy the beauty for the brambles and thorns I've sown. These lessons are so hard, but I am looking forward to practicing Philippians 4:6-9 and experiencing the fulness of His joy so that when the rain comes next time, it will stay on the outside...I won't be inviting it into my heart.


Rebekah said...

Aww Heather,

I'm not so good with words, so I'll just let you know I'm praying for you, my friend.

And you're right, we do have hope. It's something we (I) need to remember.



Pam--in Jerusalem said...

Oh, Heather, I'll be praying for you! {{HUGS}}
I think I go through this every time we move... which is a LOT!
As I was reading my Bible yesterday I came to this passage (2Chr 10:3-6) and I immediately thought of you... first it was about your fear of flying, but I think it could also be applied to what you're feeling now.

I'll see if I can call you soon; maybe a "little" chat will help both of us :)

Leah said...

Heather ~ I know you post because that is what you feel, but, I imagine I'm looking in the mirror as I read this. I find encouragement from your words. That you for being so prophetic. ((((Hugs))))

Jenny P. said...

Heather I love you and I am praying for you. I love that i can come on here and learn so much. I would have never thought of the word depression like that and I am not w/o hope but just have a trouble, trial or testing that I know the Lord will help me with.
So thank you my dear and miss you guys tons.

Heather said...

(((Rebekah))) that means so much to me...thank you my friend.
I need to get that blog update thing so I can stay updated with everyone!

(((Pam)))That is a verse that I NEED to keep in constant remembrance. Thank you so much for your encouragement. Love you!

Leah, I am so thankful that the Lord's work is an encouragement. He is so faithful...which is so much more than I can say for myself. Thank you for your kind words.

Sis. Julie said...

Did I ever need to hear this today!! I too feel like you are speaking what I'm feeling and going through. Just when things begin "looking up" so to speak...I'm hit with another blow. That happened last night after church. I cried and prayed for hours last night and am heart-broken all over again this morning. But you are right...God is there in the midst of our troubles. Pills are not the answer as doctors like to do to help us "deal" with things....God is the answer!!

I love you and am praying for you as well!! Please pray for me as well. God can and will help us both!!

missy said...

Oh Heather, you just have a way of making me look at things a little bit differently!

These two words just jumped out of your post at me today: longsuffering and patience. Sigh. Words I have long ignored! I spent far too many years in churches who taught that God was here to solve all of our problems and make life peaches and cream. That effectively sets us up for frustration and anger and depression, because God has designed us to grow and mature and be refined--by fire!

Every time that fire comes, I rail against it. Perhaps God is trying to bring out some longsuffering and patience in me, know what I mean??

Long comment I suppose, but I wanted you to know God blessed me today with those two words you wrote here! Hopefully it sticks with me.

Hugs from Ohio--knowing you will be feeling stronger and more joyful soon!!

janis said...

Hey Ms. Heather,
I know I'm younger and probably can't give much "advice" or anything, but just know that we're feeling the same too, with the move and everything. But you're in my prayers :)
Thanks for that insight though. I've been needing some encouragement lately too >.<
Miss you soo much. Love you...*HUGS*

Pastor Coon said...

Psalm 145:3 -- Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable.

Psalm 95:2 -- Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.

Be of good courage, my dear friend and sister! God is still on the throne though often we get discouraged we truly do have a blessed hope! He alone can provide a peace that passes all human understanding!

Jessica said...

I needed that. Sometimes I do let my problems seem bigger than my God. But your post made me stop and think about how big God is! He is able to fix what ever is wrong. Thanks for this post!

Steve n Vickie said...

Great Post!!! I've been right there several times, through out the process of my move. It's great to know someone feels the same way. Thanks for being so honest.
Here's a couple of verses that have been a great help to me of late. Hope they encourage you too.
Proverbs 15:30
The Light of the eyes rejoiceth the heart, and agood report makes healthy bones.
15:15 All the days of the afflicted arr evil, but he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast.
I keep telling myself, I can choose what attitude I will have.
Don't worry. Once you get everything organized, and get well rested again, things will iron out. Just remember Elijah. One day he called down fire from heaven, and the next day he was hiding from Jezabel's priest. He was in a depression. It's something we have to watch for after a big event(like a move). There are several examples of this happening throughout the bible. I'll be praying for you. You're a great encouragement to me. Keep up the good work.

liz said...

((Hugs)) Praying for you.

A Note From Theresa said...

Well you sound really down, and I know how that can feel. I'll be praying for you and hope things get better for you all soon.

janis said...

a really encouraging song :) pastor had it in his message this past sunday you ms. heather♥!*BIGhugs*

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Tiffany said...

I have to tell you that the Lord uses you in all ways. I honestly really needed to read that right now. I too am going through some things and knowing the Lord is in control I still get lost in frustrating thoughts. Please keep me in your prayers and I will do the same!!!

Kimberly said...

Okay, so reading this makes me feel silly for asking you for your mailing address [for the millionth time :)] I understand all too well and I am keeping you in prayer. Thanks for your open honesty, for I know the Lord gives us things..just so we can grow and be a blessing to others. I love you and am here or a phone call away if you need me.

Love ya!

Ps. 18:30

Chen,Shun-Chuan said...

Are you aware that the news you are watching is interlaced with Communist China's propaganda,as
Communist China maps a realm of news with innocent lives?
Communist China is scheming a millennial terrorist activity by manipulating people's behaviors
through electromagnetic waves to contain criticism and harm innocent human lives.

1. The anomaly in community traffic of cars and motorcycles and drag racing,and reckless honking by
cars and motorcycles is exceeding an unprecedented level.
2. Communist China has the technology to scan the human brain waves through military satellite and
to discern and decipher their thoughts,scheming to instill individual interference focusing on
each individual in need using the satellite electromagnetic waves.
3. Deploying electromagnetic waves is poised to project onto the human brain with certain
sounds for the perception of grossly traumatizing or startling pain,or deploying the broadcast
of noise via electromagnetic waves in sleeping humans with edited clips of films or through
voice or image signals onto our brains or besiege our sensory functions with fabricated
audible and sensory illusions.
4. It manipulates one's moods,such as smiling,nervousness,disgust,panic,anger,sorrow,
desires,appetite,and so forth.
5. It interferes the human brain's thinking capability,memory or linguistic capability,to name a
few,causing spasms of muscles and fingers in the left and right hands,stinging aches
throughout the body,coughing,yawning,trembling,involuntary blinking of the eye,runny
nose and so forth.
6. Electromagnetic waves are deployed to hinder the motoring functions of the body and neck,
disrupt the heartbeat or respiration,manipulate dizziness,deprive one's sleep,spasm,saliva
gland,dental neural pain,etc.
7. Watch out that Communist China is infiltrating the news media by deploying electromagnetic
waves to besiege the broadcast media,map out viral disillusion or erroneous perception,and
investigate threats of brainwashing in viral spreading.
8. It further moved to deploy various symptoms in what one sees of media icons,gesture terms,
adding a skewed interpretation to one's cognitive awareness,misleading an individual to
hallucinate or suffer,such as the North Korean's rigid smile,which is a tactic Communist
China often deploys to counter the people.
9. By observing the resolution accuracy of Communist China's sound and image (scenario)
interference projected onto the human's brain,this can only be achieved with a certain level
of frequencies at the source of interference,hence there is no doubt that it has to be the
electromagnetic wave. Yet questions remain as to what range of frequencies the source of
interference deploys,or what kind of electromagnetic waves insulation chamber would suffice
to provide an insulation yield? Communist China might deploy specific metal alloys as small scale
molecular antennas, which are attached to the human brain in large number,creating
electromagnetic waves when the human brain is in function,where the current created by
Communist China's electromagnetic interference would poise to amplify in a staggering
number of multiplication,which Communist China can detect at all times to discern and
muscles would excel the generation of electrode,which in turn create a corresponding
electromagnetic wave within.
10. Some of Communist China's intimidation experiences in 2002:6.9 "Hey,are you tired of living?"
6.14 "We had concocted the bombing incident at the U.S. embassy in Pakistan"
"Jiang Zhemin ordered us to kill you,but without creating scenes"6.16 "The Pakistani
civilian troops confessed that they had schemed the bombing of the U.S. embassy in
Pakistan,which we had manipulated them to confess,so what are you going to do about it?"
6.19 "Hey,why don't you just go ahead and commit suicide""We are going to scheme
murder using the public bus"6.20 "Commit suicide by burning charcoal,get it?"6.25 "Jiang
Zhemin just does not like you,go hit your head against the wall".
11. I reckon that there are victims abound out in the street,no less alarming than wars,and those
not in the know or did not understand that Communist China's simple electromagnetic design
could easily turn people against each other,create moving incidents,little lese to say mislead
the youth to broach down the wrong path,suicidal prompting,design and fabrication of a host
of society news (which Communication China refers to as movie making),as Communist China has had a
decade long of the technology,and has long abused its technological advantages to scheme up design
of abusing human lives by arranging fabricated news to poison and infiltrate the free
world,manipulate and misguide the contents of the media,and deploy brainwashing and malicious
spread of viruses,done with insinuation and riddles.The fact that Communist China's slaughtering
the innocent had been the result of a high level of calculation,and a high level of rationalization,
where the threats are in existence,and cannot be ignored of their detrimental severity.
12. Communist China often coerce people to watch news compiled by the reporter Lu Yuling of the cable
news in order for them to be saved,but few are aware that Communist China had merely deploy the
reporter to entrap many people. I do envision that those that turn to committing crime as framed
by Communist China,the extra sufferings by the ordinary people,and the deaths of many innocent
lives will not go unnoticed as hindered by a condoning attitude.
13. Nazi Hu Jintao, Jiang Zemin, Chinese Liberation Army, security police and armed police have committed suppression and massacre on their own civilians. Hu, Jiang and the other atrocious butchers owe these innocent civilians! More horrible and serious is that they are using mysterious killing technologies to cause harms to human brains around the world, making advantage of numerous international politicians and journalists to help them commit atrocities and beautify their actions, aiming to overturn and suppress those innocent people and cover up their terrorist acts and win fame by cheating the world. Securing in the knowledge that they have strong backing, these arrogant and shameless butchers have committed tortures and mass killing cruelly to those innocent ones around the world. Unfortunately, neither these politicians and nor journalists knowing what is what would dare to express their conscience.
14. The inhumane acts and atrocities committed by Nazi China are far more vicious than that of Nanjing massacre in China during WWII committed by Japanese army, as Chinese government is using mysterious technologies to commit massacres to masses of bare-handed civilians around the world as well as launch violence and terrorist activities to suppress these completely unarmed people’s freedom of speech. These demons, like Hu, Jinag and Chinese Liberation Army, despise the chastity, dignity and precious life of those innocent ones and suppress the emotions of their beloved. Meanwhile, relying on the condition that most of people in the world will not be able to witness their vicious acts of violence and behaviors they have committed unscrupulously and shamelessly, these Chinese Liberation Army enjoys using cruel ways to torture, massacre and trample on these innocent people, physically and mentally, in one free world. The arrogant Hu, Jiang and those jackals nurtured under such ferocious power treat themselves as the symbol of benevolence and hero, as they fail to learn their gutless and vicious acts to trample on those innocent people. If these demons, butchers and dregs of human, such as Hu, Jiang and Chinese Liberation Army who have become frenzied and conscienceless appeared in the site of Nanjing massacre in WWII, they definitely would be the leading roles to act atrocities!
15. We don’t want to see masses of innocent people to fall victim to the hell on earth built by red China where they will be susceptible to tortures and massacres for thousands of years.
16. Despite being even unable to fend for themselves in face of the high-tech detriments and attacks from China, we can not tolerate the fact that these politicians and journalists will become the accomplices to help China commit its terrorist acts and suppression on these innocent people in the current era or an unknown future.
17. In view of the notorious, vicious and sinister Hu, Jiang, Chinese Liberation Army with blood-stained hands, we just cast doubt over whether these greats of knowing what is what who have negotiated with these demons will show their conscience to save these innocent civilians or will act just for the sake of their profits, or are under the control of China. In this current drowned world, how will these innocent lives be treated in face of the atrocious acts committed by these diabolical figures, or when these innocent people will witness the practice of democracy in China? Will these phenomena turn out to be the joint efforts and endeavors achieved by China and those powerful figures in the world? Are we really dedicated to overturning such adversity? Our goal is to eliminate the vicious power one day with our strenuous efforts, and we absolutely will achieve it!

Chen,Shun-Chuan 2002.10.13* Republic of China (Taiwan)

Anonymous said...

Hi Heather,

I was shocked to find myself going through much of the same thing over the past few months. We had a traumatic event take place in our life and it emotionally crippled me. I am just now getting a good feel for what my problems are and how I can fix them. I imagine this is not going to be an easy road to travel but for the first time in several months I feel a little bit like "me" again.

I pray you find your way to some peace in your heart soon.

Steve n Vickie said...

Just checking up on you. Hope you are doing well. I miss your cheery post, as well as the food for thought you often throw out there.
Keep plugging away.


Dear Heather, I am praying for you. Let me give you some advice from an aged lady who loves the Lord and you, Read 1Kings chapter 19. Look at Elijah, his feelings and how God dealt with Him. You may be looking for the big answers and God is just whispering in that "still small voice." Sit down and write down all the blessings you can think of and see how you feel afterwards. love you dear Heather. connie from Texas

Anonymous said...

I can relate. I just wanted to say you're not alone. Hope you feel better soon.


Dear Heather, just wanted you to know that I miss you and have held you in my thoughts are prayers. Hope your days a getting brighter and your heart lighter. connie

staceyhoff said...

Heather, I have been in that valley too, you know that!!
The scripture that really helped me was "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." And the Psalms.
I know that your keeping yourself in the promises of the Lord. My pastor told me that when I get to the end of myself like this,then I can see God in all His glory so much better than I usually can- because I feel like I have lost almost all of my strength, I see so much clearer how He never let's go of me; even when I cannot hold onto Him- He is holding onto me. he never let's go. He is sovereign, He cannot be defeated, and we cannot be defeated because we are His children.

I hope this helps.



I wanted to stop by and wish you and your family a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING. Hope it is a very happy and warm one. I will think about you and thank the Lord that I know you. connie from texas

Anonymous said...

I know it has been quite awhile since you posted. I randomly thought of you today. Sorry I have not been a better friend with keeping in contact. I hope in the time since your latest blog the Lord has been able to give you peace. I miss you. It has definately been a hard past few months, and I wish you were still here. I hope you are well, and find yourself a bit more settled in and comfortable when you read this. Tell the kids and Bro. Brian we said hello. May God bless! Love Danielle

A Note From Theresa said...

Wishing you and your family a blessed Thanksgiving!

missy said...

Hope all is well with you and yours! Miss reading your wonderful blog posts, but I understand you are a very busy woman! :)
God bless you, friend.

staceyhoff said...

Heather- just checking in - I hope everything is Ok. Praying for you today. Please take time to care for yourself ok? Have a bath, light a candle, read the blessed word of God- our greatest comfort in times of need- by candelight. Know that there are friends and sisters in the Lord praying for you. Read the Psalms, they are so,so good in times of suffering and inner tribulatuion.I also want to share with you the scripture that literally saved my life when I went through that horrible depression that came out of nowhere: "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Sounds simple, but it is Oh So Complex- get that into your soul, say it/tell it to yourself every day many times each day and especially any time the sadness, fear or grief or anger presses in and threatends to steal your peace and therefore joy. Tell that garbage "He said that He will NEVER leaves us, OR forsake us- His word is TRUE, I choose to TRUST HIM, NOT YOU FEELINGS-SO SHOVE OFF!" I think of this as actively living out the other scripture God gave me during that time: "Resist the devil and he will flee from you".
May sound nutty but no, nutty is believing the feelings over the truth, over what God says. Let us know how you are doing.... love you.

Heather said...

Thank you all so very much for your encouraging words and comments...I can so tell when I am being lifted up in prayer...God is so good.