Wednesday, December 08, 2010

A Little, Every Day...or Two or Three...


(The passing of my dear Mother in Love, who faithfully read my blog to keep up with the kids and what was going on makes this a difficult place to come...knowing that she will no longer be reading. She is so greatly missed.)

I've decided to try and write a little every day, nothing profound or gut squeezing, just raw.....something.

I feel like I have kept this whole past year in a bottle. The cork is ready to fly off...correction *has* flown off- the pressure beneath it is so great. My thoughts go back and forth between thinking, "I'm just weak" to "WOW, if it were not for the Lord carrying me..." to, "Why did I drag my feet while He carried, and why did I let go and will my way through?". Yes, you can indeed will your way through trials and tribulations. It isn't pretty. There is an inner trembling that keeps your hands and jaw clenched when one doesn't take the time to purposefully give every care and anxiety over to the Lord. Some things are too big to be put on a shelf in hopes we can sort it out later. Those things eventually come crashing down onto our heads, doubling and tripling what might have been a simple trial...skewing the simple into a mutated mess. I shoved the biggest cares and worries and hurts into a bottle and stuck a cork in it...for safe keeping until I "had time". That cork has flown off that overstuffed bottle of cares too many times to count and blasted on those I love and care about. It's time to sit down and take the time to unfold the crumpled hurts, losses, worries...failures I have stuffed away and give them one by one to the ONE who can take care of it all.

2 comments:

Steve n Vickie said...

So sorry to hear about your loss.
My sister lost the battle with cancer this summer. Losing someone you care about is NOT easy. Grief sometimes surfaces when you least expect it.

Just know that God is still Good even when life is difficult. He will do what's best. I'll be praying for you during this difficult time.

Heather said...

Thank you...hope you all are doing well :)