Monday, October 08, 2007

Fragile

Women are the weaker vessels...and I am probably on the weaker end of the weaker vessel line and having a very fragile day.

Do *you* ever feel misunderstood like you never quite *fit* with anyone? I do, lots. It is my fault, I am sure....I wear my heart on my sleeve..or blog rather. Where there are many words, there is much room for misunderstanding..criticism...sin. I look back over this blog that I have kept for the past 2 years and think about the kind of picture I have painted of myself. You definitely have seen some of the rougher sides as the bumps in the road serve to be inspiration to post ;) -sorry about that. And you know what, it really doesn't matter, because this is *my* reality, my current season-and this is an open book-in a sense. No, I don't share many of the circumstances (completely) that surround my posts about struggles or how the Lord is working, but I do share my heart. There are no frills, just me, typing my thoughts (poorly) or sharing what the Lord is doing in my life, and it is usually done with about 20 interruptions- to take care of more important things like helpling Lily in the bathroom *ahem*.

I am always humbled when I read your thoughts, my friends, my heart aches with you, I worry for you, I admire Christ in you, notice your personal convictions, wonder at your talents, and then, I head back to my thoughts, and can't help but feel forlorn. I briefly thought one time that perhaps I *should* change the "face" of my blog, but then you would only see one side, and I am not very good at that. I am definitely a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kinda gal.

When I am feeling a bit hurt and distant, as I am now, I probably should not post. I don't know, today, I felt lonely. When I get lonely, I curl up with my Lord and our time is so sweet. Just me, alone with Him. It's a shame that I wait until I get lonely to really *curl up* in His lap and let His words sooth my soul. It's so wonderful to spend time with the One who won't let me down, who never changes, who knows my heart through and through. Oh, how I love Him. He made this vessel to suit Himself...I can rest in that.

15 comments:

Kari at www.HealedWaters.com said...

Heather,
I'm glad that you *did* post today. My heart breaks to hear of your fragile day. Just brings tears to my eyes. Because, while I can't claim to know *exactly* what you are feeling, I can tell you I resonate deeply with your thoughts, your words, and your heart in this post.

I'm sorry, sister, for your difficult day. I assure you that you'll be much in my thoughts and prayers today and this week.

Juat hours ago I copied these words from Streams In The Desert into my journal: "We must put our hand in the hand of God like a little child, and let Him lead us into the bright sunshine of His love." ~Dr. Pardington

Your post reminded me so much of that. The Lord really used your honesty and your openness to speak to me and to minister to me today.

*Thank you*

In Christ alone,
Kari

Pam--in Jerusalem said...

Heather, I really know how you feel! It is so good to be able to run to the Lord in times like these; and you're right, it's a shame that we wait at all. I will be praying for you extra hard. I know the Lord will build you back up, just rest in His arms for now and let Him do the rest. (((hugs))) I miss you!

Grafted Branch @ Restoring the Years said...

I could have written something like that second paragraph (and probably did) in years past (or just last year) and I really think so much of it has to do with the season of life (age of the children).

Our overwhelmingly inadequate feelings have less to do with our maturity in Christ than they do in the busyness of life--that. just. is.

Don't read anything theological into that...just know that I wrote this whole comment with very little distraction because everyone is dressing themselves, grooming themselves and hanging up their own clothes right now. And someday yours will too. :)

And that freedom is bittersweet; and it does change the dynamic of everything.

Is that as clear as mud? (: O)

staceyhoff said...

what a sweet post, Heather...I amglad that you are sharing your feelings, seeking iron to sharpen iron, even while at the same time keeping the specifics of the situation under wraps, since that is best for you...it is a great gift we have from God, friends ;)

Have a good night :)

<3 Stacey

staceyhoff said...

what a sweet post, Heather...I amglad that you are sharing your feelings, seeking iron to sharpen iron, even while at the same time keeping the specifics of the situation under wraps, since that is best for you...it is a great gift we have from God, friends ;)

Have a good night :)

<3 Stacey

Rebekah said...

Oh Miss Heather, I know that lonely feeling, but I am just learning how truly sweet is to run to Him and let Him soothe and comfort. The reason everyone reads your blog is because we love the 'you' that shines in it, we love the 'you' that is honest even when it is hard. Thank you for this post.

-- Rebekah

Thoughts of a Mom said...

I have been feeling this way a lot lately. Some one told me it is God's way of getting me just to himself with no distractions. It was a long road but I am finally coming out on the other side of it. And it taught me a lot about just leaning on God through this time.

Mary Isabella said...

I can relate and truly am sorry for your bad day. We all have them and they are very personial. I cannt claim to Know how you fill but my heart is full for you. I have and will lift your name up in prayer to our Lord. Blessings Mary

Free In Christ said...

Oh Heather, I feel so bad that you are feeling so badly. Realize that you are just human, and God has you right exactly where you are to be at thist exact time. I know it is hard, I remember many days when my boys were young, like the ages of your children, and would go into my room and cry, because I'd feel so inadequate. It is such a learning experience, kids keep us humble that is for sure. I was reading all your posts, and wow, what a few days you've had with just trying to travel to the states, it is absolutely no wonder you are having such a rough time. I know how frustrating it can be getting ready to travel, but to have to get ready and not even know when to be ready would be much worse.
I will be praying for strength for you during this time.

By the way, I love reading your honesty.
Lots of hugs and prayers.

Julie's Jewels said...

I can definitely relate to what you are feeling. I have had many times of feeling this way lately. The trials have been coming one after another lately..and the hardest one has been the situation we are dealing with concerning a family member in my husband's family. I have question the Lord and have let myself be hurt and affected. I've felt much like you are today...alone!! But thank the Lord for the Holy Spirit Who lets me know I am not alone. He is with me to comfort me and help me through. I love you Sister and am praying for you. Hang in there!! You are not alone. Your blogging friends are here for you and love you much.

Din said...

Even though I want to do, I don't know what to say to cheer you up. I'll just quote some lines from a song I love by THE Carpenters.

What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me.

What you wrote reminded me this, and I really hope it made you feel a little better.

Din

Sue @ praise & coffee said...

Heather,
You share your thoughts beautifully not poorly.

I love your heart.
Your honesty blesses us all.
Every one of us go through seasons and moods, I am honored that you would share them with us.

Blessings and hugs,
Sue

Heather said...

Kari, thank you so much for your kind words and support :)loved this quote you wrote
"We must put our hand in the hand of God like a little child, and let Him lead us into the bright sunshine of His love." ~Dr. Pardington

(((Pam))) it was so good to talk with you! Love you, my friend

GB-thank you...BUSY seems to be the understatement this season :) I so appreciate your encouragement and your thoughts. You are a treasure-I'm so blessed to have *met* you

Stacy, yes, iron and that is what you all are to me...thank you for your encouragement...I hope one day to mirl you all-well, of course we will in heaven;)!!

Rebekah-you are truly a virtuous young woman and I so appreciate your encouraging words

Mary-what a blessing. Thank you so much for encouraging me.

Melissa *sigh* you are such a sweet soul..I truly do hope to at least be able to *call* you :)when we get there(((hug)))

Julie-thank you *so much* for sharing your heart and the cares that are burdening you as well. We aren't alone are we...such a blessing. I will be lifting you in prayer dear one (((hug)))

Din-what a blessing that you came to encourage me. You have no idea how that touched my heart. I continue to pray for you and the burdens you carry as well dear soul. Thank you again for reaching out.

Sue, thank you for your encouragement. After all this outpouring of love, I feel so ashamed for allowing myself to feel alone. I so appreciate you.

Heather said...

thoughts of a mom-I went over to your site to find your name...but didn't see one :) I wanted to thank you so much for visiting me and for sharing your heart. Thank you for encouraging me!

HOPE said...

Hi Heather...Thank you for visiting my new blog spot wateringwellsofhope..and I surely pray that you will glean some encouraging words each time you visit. Please come often.

These "lonely" moments are indeed the time to spend a lone with our Saviour. We are much too busy and time gets away from us faster than we realize. These are the moments of reflection and looking within instead of without. You sound like a very sweet,honest,tender hearted person and one GOD will use to help others. May God bless and give you the desires of YOUR heart. Psalm 37:4